Collide
by Cain
Summary: COMPLETE After a spontaneous blind date, Ren is torn between new desire and loyalty to her brother. And that's just the beginning...R&T SLASH PLEASE R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This story might seem to replay some of the cards from my last fic, but it doesn't really. The character Amy from my last story will be here too and in a similar capacity. Updating may be regular, may be erratic—depends on my mood, inspiration, desire, and basically life and all that goes with it. Right now, I have the story's basic events mapped out in entirety—though not necessarily the details-- however my plans could change at any moment. So, here's my second fic.

**Collide**

**Chapter One**

"I know you know, Amy," Ruby Mendel brushed a lock of blonde hair out of her eyes and focused her attention on her lab partner. "She told you." There was a hint of jealousy in the voice, a little pain maybe.

"My lips are sealed," Amy Johnson replied with a half-smile.

"I've always thought she was—it's not really surprising. She never seem genuinely interested in any of the guys she dated or anything. Her relationships were always for show. I just don't understand why she wouldn't tell me, I mean, I'm supposed to be her best friend…"

"You are, Ruby," Amy interjeted. "And you know Ren well enough to know that this has nothing to do with that. I don't even know her all that well and I know that the one area she's never been able to master is romance—if she told you, you'd start setting her up right and left and it would all be well-intentioned, but it wouldn't be what she needs right now, she's confused."

"Ah, so you admit it then," Ruby grinned. "She did come out to you."

"What? No, I mean… damn it!"

"Ms. Johnson is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?" Ms. Lovelson, the chemistry teacher, asked.

"No thanks you."

"Well then, keep it down."

"So, give me the details!" Ruby pressured in a hushed tone.

"There's really not much to tell, Ruby. She came to me, she said that she thinks she might be gay but she doesn't want me to tell anyone, but she'd heard about my 'exclusive' parties and wanted to come to one. So I invited her."

"Exclusive parties?"

"Yeah, my parents are out of town a lot and I host parties, mostly for the other gay kids at school. I have some that are basically, closet-cases only."

"If they're closet cases, how do you know to invite them?"

"Well, when I say closet case I generally mean people who are partially out. A lot of people come to me, for example. They assume the president of the GSA won't think anything less of me, so they come to me. That's what Ren did, that was her reasoning, I assume. Anyway, there's also the handful of people who I suspected and have observed long enough to be at least 90 certain they're in the closet. So I invite them, and help them find their way out."

"Ever wrongfully accused anyone?"

"I don't like using the term 'accused' for this, but no, so far, I've been spot-on with every one. The only rule of the party is that no one talks about it with anyone who wasn't there—or isn't a regular—to protect the kids who aren't ready to go public yet. Like Ren."

"It sounds like you have a pretty elaborate system," Ruby replied as she pretended to examine something in her microscope to distract the teacher.

"It's pretty simple really, and relies heavily on the honor code, which I've never really trusted, but what can you do? Either way, no one has been unintentionally outted through any fault of mine yet, at least not that I know of... I really hope no one has though- it would defeat the entire purpose of me running these parties."

Ruby nodded. "So, you said a few minutes ago that Ren wouldn't tell me for fear that I'd dive into setting her up with some girl and that's not what she needs, blah blah blah, but isn't that what you do? Aren't you the me of the gay community?"

Amy laughed lightly, catching herself in the eyes of Ms. Lovelson. "Yeah, if someone wants a set-up, I'll help them up. I know most every one so I'm pretty good about not matching people who obviously won't be able to stand each other together. You, well, you tend to take matters into your own hands, Ruby. I'm a little more controlled than you."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Well, not that this helps me argue against that but we should totally set Ren up with someone."

"You are right that it doesn't defend you," Amy scoffed. "She doesn't want to. I've already offered."

"So, just push it. Tell her you've found someone perfect for her and that you really think she should at least give it a shot. It can be another closet case—I'm sure that'd make her more comfortable. Anyone you know that would fit? Or would be willing? How does Ren rate?"

Amy laughed again, catching and angry glance from the teacher yet again. "She rates quite highly, there are plenty of girls that would be interested. But I need someone who I legitimately feel is a good match for her, Ruby. If I set her up with some bimbo, she'll never trust me in the future if I actually do find someone perfect for her."

"Right, right," Ruby nodded. "What does she look for in a girl? Intelligence, I'm sure. Honest, kind, the usual. Contrary to common belief she _does_ like a sense of humor—just not total goof balls."

"Intelligent humor is a must," Amy agreed. "Sarcasm, in other words, tends to suit her comedy needs quite well. But that's not really a priority. Intelligence is probably her biggest criteria. She prefers brunettes to blondes—no offense—and prefers light eyes to dark ones. She doesn't care if the girl is taller or shorter than her…"

"Ok, so, that doesn't really narrow the playing field a whole lot," Ruby sighed.

"She wants someone different from her, but the same too. You know? Like whoever it is shouldn't be a perfectionist too. They need to be intelligent, good grades is probably something Ren would appreciate in them, but they do not necessarily have to have school as a major priority or anything. Academics is Ren's life and if she's going to have any fun she needs someone who can show her something new."

Ruby nodded, getting a little frustrated. "Ok, so… do you know anyone?"

"I do have someone in mind, actually…" her voice trailed off a moment. "There's just one thing that might be a problem."

"Who? And what?" Ruby asked, on the edge of her seat.

Amy sighed briefly before answering. "Her brother's ex-girlfriend, Tawny Dean."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

" Oh my gosh, Tawny Dean?" Ruby gasped, barely managing to keep her voice the necessary whisper. "She's gay?"

"Yeah, I mean, she's a semi-closet-case. And I guess she's actually bi," explained Amy. "Her parents know that she, well, plays for both teams, to use the common metaphor. But she hasn't come out to any of her closest friends yet—not Louis or Twitty. Tom might know though, actually. She's known for awhile, I mean, I've known for at least a year now."

"What's the deal with not telling your best friends?"

"Most the kids that I know do tell their best friends. Tawny and Ren are in the minority and they have special circumstances. Tawny and Louis have dated on an off since 8th grade—she doesn't want to risk ruining any future possibilities by weirding him out. She isn't sure how he'll react. And Ren, well, she needs to be perfect. This doesn't fit the definition for her."

Ruby nodded. "But Louis and Tawny, they haven't dated since early Freshman year, right?"

"Yeah, I think. I would expect you to know more than me."

"They dated in fall of 8th grade for the first time, but broke up because Louis was too immature—ha, remember that whole play fiasco?"

"Yeah, what a clown…" Amy chuckled.

"And then they dated again toward the end of 8th grade, and through the summer. But they broke up when school started because Louis had the wandering eye—all new girls, after all. But they were together again by the holidays. And then they broke up around Valentine's Day. So, one mutual break up, one by him, and one by her—I'm pretty sure she dumped him the last time. But it's like they never really break up because they always come back to each other."

"Yeah, except… I don't know…" Amy sighed. "Tawny seems to be there more out of comfort than real attraction. He's her best friend and she loves him, she probably finds him attractive… but there's just… no fire. You know? But she's never given anyone else a chance really. Or just hasn't met anyone she'd want to give a chance."

"Have you set her up before?"

"Plenty of times—mostly turn out to be one-night stands,"

"Really? I guess that makes sense… Tawny would be one for experimenting. Ren just speculates, Tawny would test it, hands-on. Why do you think they'd be good together though?"

"Tawny fits the description you gave perfectly. They're different in all the right ways, and the same in all the right ways. I can't explain it but I really think they could work. I remember when Ren first told me on of the first matches that came to mind was Tawny. The only problem is Louis."

"And that's a big problem, even if they aren't together."

Amy nodded. "Yeah, but if they did hit it off, if they clicked, than they deserve a shot. Regardless of Louis' feelings."

"Well, Ren is his sister and Tawny… she's… she's, like, his girl. You know?"

"Still," Amy maintained. "I say we give it a shot."

"I guess," Ruby agreed. "But when they show up and find each other there I'm sure they won't go through with it."

"We'll see. We'll be there to put in our two-cents. I'll pay for their dinner if that's what it takes."

"You'll pay?"

"I really feel they'd fit, Ruby. I want them to at least try. A little time together is all it will take to peak their interests."

Ruby laughed. "If you say so, you who was claiming they were more controllable than me and only set people up when they wanted it."

Amy smiled. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"Desperate, huh?"

Amy nodded. "Ren is. That girl needs some love, honestly. She needs to fool around a little. She's all work and no play. She needs to wind down with someone. And Tawny is the one that will help her do that."

* * *

"Tawny, hey," Amy approached her at her locker. "You free Saturday night?"

"You have another set-up for me?" Tawny didn't sound too thrilled.

"Yes, someone absolutely perfect—if you give her a chance. I guarantee when you meet up with her you're going to think: no, no, no. But if you try it, you're going to really like her. I'd bet on it."

"Well, since you seem so confident, sure. When and where?"

"Saturday, 9 o'clock at Channings. You'll meet across the street over the water."

"Ok, sounds good."

Amy grinned and left.

Tawny set some books inside her locker as she wondered who on earth she would reject at first sight. Probably some cheerleader…

"So, uh, Tawny… how are you doing?" Louis broke her train of thought as he leaned against the locker beside hers.

"Fine. You?" She didn't seem to be paying him much attention, she was skimming an article from the school paper.

"Good, really good," he hesitated. "Tawny, there's something important I need to talk about with you."

She looked up at him then. "Actually important? Or Louis-important?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked with mock offence.

"It means is it actually important or is Tom withholding pizza again?" Tawny explained with a half-smile, rolling her eyes.

Louis laughed, then straightened his face. "It's actually important."

She nodded and the two of them slipped into an unoccupied classroom. She closed the door behind them before turning to face Louis. "So what's--"

He cut her off by kissing her, hard and fast on the lips. When he pulled away he kept his hands placed firmly on her hips.

"Well…" Tawny sighed, surprised.

"I think it's time we, uh, give it another try,"

Tawny bit her lower lip, thinking a moment. "Yeah, sounds good to me."

He smiled broadly then, kissing her again.

Then the two walked out of the room hand in hand, Tawny briefly considering canceling her Saturday plans but deciding to keep them. Amy had successfully intrigued her with all the perfect match talk. But who could it be?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay. Since I made you wait so long I've written a longer chapter, at least it's long for me. Not much action here, but it's important nonetheless. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Three**

"I don't know why I'm doing this," Ren Stevens mumbled to herself as she searched for a parking spot. The lot for Channings was nowhere near adequate size for the restaurant's fullest capacity.

Amy had been emphatic, that was why. A 'perfect match', she'd said. Ren had made a habit of refusing set ups from Ruby, and Amy hadn't even pushed it until now. Maybe that was it—Ren figured it had to be worthwhile if Amy was going to suddenly be so forceful. Right? Right. That's what she'd tell herself.

Finally she pulled into a space a couple blocks from the restaurant, which was jam packed as was par for the course on a Saturday night.

She was dressed casually, as Amy had ordered, in dark corduroys that were a little loose on her, and a blue button-up shirt.

Amy had arranged a table already and had it under her name so Ren didn't have to wait like so many others. A waitress seated her and she began skimming the menu, trying to keep her mind off what was to come.

The very idea of a blind date was disliked by Ren, who was hardly a fan of the unpredictable. And Amy had told her she wouldn't want to date the girl she'd picked, but that she had to give her a chance because if she did, she'd be happy. Amy was convinced that Ren wasn't happy and they spent a great deal of time debating it. Ren was never able to really defend herself either, much to her dismay.

Though Amy had never before pressed the blind date matter with Ren, she'd always tried to convince her to make more of an effort to meet someone. Ren attended plenty of Amy's parties and would always find someone to talk to but as soon as they showed more-than-platonic interest in her, she would move on to someone else. Amy had told her that she was relatively in-demand too: a flattering but intimidating statement. Ren would find herself racked with nerves, wondering what was expected of her. She was, more or less, wholly inexperienced—did everyone know that? Or did they assume her 'good girl' thing was a façade of sorts? Maybe they thought she had a Catholic school girl sort of gimmick?

She wondered now about the girl Amy had found for her. Someone she wouldn't think of as fair game… that's what Amy had said. Was it someone Ren would think was straight? No, because obviously if they showed up here it meant they weren't and so she wouldn't reject them. What then? More importantly, how experienced was this girl? Was she like Ren? Is that what made her perfect? She was in the same frame of mind as her? Or maybe she was in a completely differently frame of mind and that's what Amy found her so perfect for Ren.

Ren glanced at her watch, 8:15. Whoever it is, she's not prompt, she thought. Then a second thought: she's not coming. No… there's no way. This was supposed to be a perfect match, someone who'd stand her up is hardly… but maybe it's someone who'd reject her instantly too… but who would she do that to?

She focused her gaze on the menu again, trying even harder to keep her attention on the food.

"Here you are," she heard the waitress's voice but new she wasn't speaking to her. She set down the menu and looked up to see who'd been brought to the table.

Her eyes opened wide and her lips parted slightly, as if she meant to say something.

Tawny's expression was nearly identical. "Ren?"

"Um," she tried to clear her throat to say something but she couldn't think. This was someone known to her well enough—one of Louis' friends, more than his friend—she might tell him about this…

Tawny sat down across from her, eyeing her with concern. "I didn't, uh, know you were…"

"I'm not," Ren cut her off.

"You're not?" Tawny asked, tilting her head to one side. She'd never seen Ren Stevens so caught-off-guard. However, she had an idea where it was coming from. So this is someone Amy thought she'd reject from the start. But she was a perfect match?

"Well, um, I'm not… I'm, uh…"

"Ok, calm down," Tawny said. "I bet she's here somewhere." She looked around and, sure enough, located Amy at a table with Ruby on the other side of the room. She caught their attention and the two of them made there was over.

"Ruby?" Ren gasped.

Ruby immediately began to explain. "Ok, listen, we know what you guys are thinking but--"

"But?" Ren hadn't regained composure yet. "But she's my brother's… she's his…"

"I know that but her and Louis haven't been together in ages and you two really should give it a shot," Ruby pressed. "Yeah, maybe Louis won't be cool with it at first but I'm sure if it really worked out well he'd come around to it."

"He's my brother!" Ren snapped. "I can't…"

"Just talk, ok?" Amy interjected. "Just do this. You're both here now, so why not? It's not like you have to have sex or something. Just have dinner, get to know each other a little better."

Tawny wondered whether Ren's flip out was really about Louis or if it was about her. Amy usually set people up with kids from other schools so often they were unknown. But not only did Ren know Tawny, the way they were connected was a tricky one to overlook.

Amy and Ruby left the table side and retreated to their own table, where they would spy from afar.

"I'm sure we could come up with a cover excuse incase Louis or anyone else happen to stumble upon us," Tawny offered. "It really isn't that big of a deal."

"No, I know… it's not…I'm just…sorry…"

"I've never seen you like this," Tawny said.

"Like what?"

"So, you know, not together."

"Oh," Ren frowned.

"It's not a bad thing," Tawny said. "I am supposed to be getting to know you, after all."

Ren nodded. "This doesn't bother you at all?"

She shrugged. "Why should it really? Anyway, so, I don't know that much about you actually. I know that you're a perfectionist and an over-achiever, I know that your birthday is in October—right?"

Ren nodded again. "You like acting and poetry. That's all I know. And you like my brother, or liked, whatever—either way I doubt you could be interested in me if he's your type."

Tawny grinned. "I don't really have a type, I've dated quite a few very different people."

"Has Amy set you up before?"

"Tons of times."

"Any of them work out?"

"Obviously not for very long. Most of them ended up being one-night-stands."

"One-night-stands… so, you, um…"

"Will go for it on the first date? Yeah, sometimes. More often than not, it seems."

Ren nodded and wondered if she'd ever been with Louis.

As if she could read her mind, Tawny answered. "I've never slept with Louis."

"Only with girls?"

"No, I've been with a guy. Just not Louis."

Ren nodded. "We should order."

After they'd finished selecting their entrees, Tawny proposed they try some lighter subject matter. "So, what's you favorite book, Ren?"

"I don't know if I can pick a favorite. But the last book I read that I really loved was _The Brothers Karamazov_."

"Ooh, that is a good one. I think I like _Crime and Punishment_ a little more," Tawny replied. "My favorite though… it would be a tie between _1984_ and _A Clockwork Orange_. Favorite movie?"

"Don't have a favorite there either," Ren paused. "Let's see, I really like _Moulin Rouge_, and that's what keeps coming to mind but I wouldn't call it my favorite. _Romeo and_ _Juliet_, by the same director is really good. I like _The Notebook_."

"I don't know about _The Notebook_, but the other two are good. One of my favorites is _21 Grams_. Have you ever seen _Y Tu Mama Tambien_?"

"No, it sounds familiar though."

"You should see it. I'd be interested to see what you think."

"Why?"

"Because, you're Ren Stevens—you're, you know, known for being a goody-goody. It's a pretty dirty film by American standards."

"Oh, you want to see if I'm repulsed by liberal bohemia?"

"Something like that," Tawny laughed. "How about music?"

"I don'thave much timeto just sit around and listen that often so I tend to listen to whatever is on the radio. I really like Jeff Buckley though. He has a beautiful voice."

"I've heard that but I've never actually heard him. My favorite band is Radiohead, but I listen to a lot of other stuff, pretty much anything but rap."

"Well," Ren replied. "I've heard of Radiohead but I've never actually heard them."

Tawny smiled. "Television? And after you answer we can move into more risqué territory—you know, politics and religion."

Ren laughed. "I do watch _Gilmore Girls_ when I can. And I'm a democrat, though I'd call my views moderate over liberal. And I'm Jewish, though not that religious… but I'm trying it out."

"Really?"

"Yeah, so what are you answers there?"

"Oh, um, I got hooked on _Grey's Anatomy_ against my will—Tom tricked me into watching and I haven't been able to stop since. I'm a liberal democrat—surprise, surprise—and I'm not religious at all. My family is Catholic though. I'm agnostic, I guess. Really I'm just not sure about it all."

Ren nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Amy and Ruby left shortly after Ren and Tawny started talking, both grinning ear-to-ear, very pleased with themselves.

Ren and Tawny spent the next four hours talking, debating and arguing, discussing and analyzing, everything that came up in their attempted overview of one another.

Ren was shocked to glance at her watch and find that it was midnight. "Damn, uh, we have to go. Or I have to go. It's midnight. I have work tomorrow."

"Midnight? Wow. I didn't even realize…"

"Yeah," Ren said as she rose from the table. "You said you took the bus here, right? I can give you a ride home if you want."

"Sure, that'd be great, thanks."

They headed out to the car strangely silent after all their conversation. In fact, they spoke very little for most of the car ride until Ren pulled in front of Tawny's house.

"Here we are," Ren stated as they arrived.

"Well, this is a date, you should walk me to the door," Tawny said.

Ren grinned. "Right, right."

The two of them walked to Tawny's front door. Her house was entirely dark.

"Your parents didn't even leave a light on?"

"They're out of town—some conference. They're gone all the time. Makes it very easy for me to have my one-night-stands."

"Oh."

A few moments of awkward silence passed before Tawny spoke up again. "Well, thanks for a lovely evening, Ren. I had a lot of fun talking with you—a lot more fun than I would've thought, no offence."

"Oh, thanks," Ren scoffed sarcastically.

Tawny smiled. "So…"

"Yeah, I should go," Ren nodded, half-turning to go and stopping, "I, uh, I had a really good time too."

"Good," Tawny replied as she opened her front door.

Ren looked at her, her lips parted slightly like she wanted to say something but she refrained.

Tawny stepped forward then and gave her a quick, soft kiss on the lips before turning and slipping inside, closing the door gently behind her.

Ren was taken aback by the kiss, but couldn't help smiling to herself as she headed back to her car.

On the other side of her front door, Tawny was experiencing a similar sensation.

Both of the girls' silent revelries were cut short by a single shared thought: what about Louis?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Just wanted to say: Don't start thinking I might be updating very frequently now just 'cause these 2 chaps came so close. There's no rhyme or reason to my updating. When I get a chance and feel like writing a chap,I do and then I post. So it could be a month between chapters, it could be a day. I hope I can update at least once a week, but I make no promises. It's summer and I have other things to do. Thank you all for reviewing!

**Chapter Four**

"Why would you do that to me, Ruby?" It was Monday and Ren had cornered her friend beneath a stairwell before classes began.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ruby asked, forcing her voice to stay quiet in spite of Ren's yelling.

"Is that why you did it? A little revenge for being left out of the loop on_one_ thing?"

"Of course not!" Ruby snapped. "I was talking to Stacy and I got it out of her. And we wanted to set you up…"

"Why can't you just mind your own business for once?" Ren sighed angrily.

"She thought Tawny and you'd really hit it off, Ren. Did you?"

"It's Tawny! Tawny Dean! Louis' Tawny!" Ren growled, quickly glancing around the corner for fear she'd attracted attention. She hadn't been as loud as she'd thought.

"We left about half and hour after coming to your table, how long were you there for?"

"It doesn't matter, Ruby! She's not an option at all. It's not ok for…"

"How long, Ren?"

Ren sighed again, less angry more resigned this time. "We were there until closing."

Ruby lit up. "See? That's good. Amy must've been right. What do you think of Tawny now?"

"I think that she's my brother's… she's his… whatever, you know."

"Did Tawny have a good time?" Ruby asked.

Ren shrugged. "She said she did." And she kissed me, she thought.

"You both had a good time then. Was it as bad as you'd have thought?"

"No," Ren muttered. "She's easy to talk to."

"Well, her and Louis haven't been together in forever. She _is_ fair game."

"It's not right."

"Say who?"

"I do. I don't feel right about it."

"But you enjoyed it?"

"That's irrelevant."

"No, it's not, Ren." Ruby sighed. "You never enjoy yourself. You work hard and never take any time to just, you know, have a good time. I think you could do that with Tawny."

"Or with someone who isn't my brother's ex and best friend," Ren grumbled, crossing her arms.

"Amy knows everyone and she said Tawny was the only one here she felt you'd really hit it off with. And she was right."

"But what about Louis?"

"Louis will get over it in time," Ruby claimed.

Ren just shook her head.

The bell rang and they headed to class.

* * *

"Hey, Tawny!" Louis waved her to stop in the hall. They had a ten-minute break between 2nd and 3rd period.

The sound of his voice twisted her stomach into a sore knot of guilt. "Hey, Louis."

He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "I have tickets to Simple Plan tonight. You want to come?"

"I'm busy," she mumbled, glancing around to make sure Ruby, Amy, or, most importantly, Ren hadn't seen them.

"Ah, come on," he whined. "It'll be our first date since getting back together."

"About that, do you really think it's a good idea for us to--"

"Are you kidding me? What is this, like, pre-emptive dumping?" he grinned. "You're not even going to give me a chance to screw it up?"

"No, I just…" How could she dump him for nothing? He was Louis. He was her best friend. She couldn't do it. But there was Ren. That was something. But maybe it was just a little thing, a minor curiosity. Louis was more than that, right? They had a history. She couldn't just shove that aside after some blind date…

As if on cue, Ren rounded the corner at that moment. She was wearing tight-fitting, faded jeans, pink All-Stars, and a pink t-shirt with white letters. Tawny couldn't read it from where she was. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun and she was wearing glasses—thin silver wire frames she'd gotten about half-way through her freshman year. Most of the time she wore contacts, but today she didn't. She was directing several other students in setting up some sort of display. She was so focused, concentrated, as she examined what Tawny assumed was a drawn-up plan for the display. Her brow was furrowed and she was chewing lightly on the end of her pen. Tawny thought it was cute.

She had so much fun Saturday, just talking. Louis and her never just sat around and talked, unless he was explaining the plan for some elaborate scheme he and Twitty were working out, or venting his personal issues. Sure, half of the conversation with Ren had been 'what's you favorite such-and-such?" but still. And the kiss… Ren had such soft lips, she had been wearing a peach flavored lip gloss… so sweet. She was no longer just Louis' over-achieving sister, she was something so much more now in Tawny's eyes.

"Earth to Tawny?" Louis waved his hand in front of her while making some weird whistling sounds, his efforts at intergalactic sound effects.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Is everything ok?" he asked, finally getting serious. "Do you really want to dump me already?"

She looked at him standing there. His eyes were full of hope.

"You know, somehow we managed to become… it's like everyone pays attention to us as a couple. Maybe this time we could keep it more private. None of this PDA at school, ok? And just, don't tell anyone. At least not for a little while. Last time we broke up it somehow got printed in the school paper. They shouldn't even be able to do that."

"Well, that's Larry Beale for you," he scoffed. "But fine. I think this is kind of weird, but whatever. Twitty and Tom knows, I'm assuming that's ok?"

"Yeah, of course."

"And my family obviously," he started.

"No," she blurted out, cutting him off.

"What?"

"I mean, you haven't already told them, have you?"

"No, but why—oh, is it cause my mom gets so sappy about it? She doesn't do it with Ren and Donny, I don't know what the big deal is."

"Yeah, that's it. And your dad gets a little too interested in me when that happens. He always wants to chat and he always claims he wants to 'get to know my future daughter-in-law'. And Donny always tries to give you girl-advice and you always follow it and everything goes wrong…"

"And Ren?" he asked.

Tawny hesitated. "Why would Ren even care?"

"I don't know. She's single, and I have a girlfriend. I get to beat her in one thing."

"That's rude. And besides, if it gets to Ren it might get to Ruby. And if Ruby gets wind of it, everyone will know."

"Ok, fine. The guys and that's it. But let me know when the restrictions are up, k? This is just weird. And how about Simple Plan?"

"I'm busy, like I said. And I don't really want to sit in a crowd of screaming teenage girls listening to the whiniest, most self-pitying band there is while they whine about how no one loves them and no one cares, they should just die 'cause no one will miss them and blah blah blah. Seriously, they need to get over it."

"Geez, sorry, I didn't know you hated them so much," he laughed.

"You should know, we've talked about it several times."

"Right, well, how about dinner later this week then?"

"Sure, sometime."

"Ok," he nodded, moving in to kiss her.

"Hey," Tawny pulled away, quickly glancing toward Ren. Her back was turned to them.

"Right, sorry, I forgot," he rolled his eyes. "I can't kiss my own girlfriend?"

"Not here," Tawny said. "We should be getting to class anyway, break is up."

They separated then just as the bell rang, heading in opposite directions for their respective classes. Ren had disappeared from sight, but Tawny was heading in her direction anyway and found herself hoping to catch another glimpse of her before she went to class.

The hall turned two ways, forming a large T if it were to be viewed from above. Ren had come from one end of it but was nowhere to be seen once Tawny reached that point. She sighed lightly and turned the other way in the direction of her class and suddenly bumped into someone.

It proved a humiliating full-frontal collision that knocked her to the ground, spilling her books and papers everywhere. She could hear other kids laughing as they hurried to class.

"I'm sorry," she said as she gathered her things.

"It's ok," she heard Ren say.

She looked up. Of course, if you have to embarrass yourself, why not do it in front of the person you'd least want to?

Ren helped her up.

"Hi," Tawny said, her voice barely above a whisper, as she made it to her feet.

Ren half-smiled.

They stood there several seconds, just staring at each other, the hallway was nearly empty as kids filed into the classrooms.

"Well," Ren cleared her throat. "I, uh, have class."

"Yeah,"

"So, bye," Ren said, and hurried past her.

"Later," Tawny whispered though Ren couldn't have heard her.

She turned and headed down the hall to her class. So, she was with one Stevens and had a thing for another. "I might as well find a way to work Donny in somewhere too," she scoffed, shaking her head at herself. "Why not play the whole family?"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **An abundance of free time is enabling me to update, so you might get a few quick ones. However, I do withhold until I get a few reviews (this chapter, for example, I had ready sooner than I actually posted it, I was just waiting for some reviews. I'm posting it sooner than I wanted to now because I don't want to keep those of you who did review waiting, it makes me feel bad). And now that I've said this, life will probably interfere and I won't update for another month… hopefully not. I'm having fun writing this fic. So I'll really try to be more frequent. And it should be remembered that more reviews do give me incentive to write, particularly if they're a little detailed-- you know, something you liked, something you think could be done better, etc etc. Anyway, on to the story...

**Chapter Five**

"So, Ren, I'm having another party next weekend," Amy said, taking a seat beside her at the lunch table. "You and Tawny should come."

"Why do you think Tawny's so perfect for me?" Ren asked, slightly angered. "You better have a pretty good reason if you think it negates the fact that she's Louis' girl."

"Louis has other girls too, you know," she replied. "Sure, Tawny was his first girlfriend. And she's his best friend. But his longest relationship actually was with Chris Arangaran, if you remember her."

"Beans's cousin."

"Yeah, they went on a date back in 8th grade, but then they met up again last year. They were together for six months. Louis and Tawny's longest was only three and a half months, right? In 8th grade they dated for a couple weeks. Then from June to September of freshman year. And then again from December to February, also of freshman year."

"What does that matter? He's always considered her to be… you know… special."

"Three strikes and your out, I say," she grinned. "Louis had his chance. He had three chances. Now it's your turn. And I think, if you actually give it a shot, you'll do a lot better than he did. I mean, hey, Tawny's dated Louis three times but she's never slept with him."

"So? There are plenty of couples who've been together longer than they ever were who are also virgins. Sex isn't everything, Amy."

"No, I know that," she said. "But Tawny is hardly chaste. She's been with plenty of girls, and I think she's been with a guy before too. I suppose it could've been Louis but I--"

"It wasn't. She's never slept with Louis," Ren stated, recalling Tawny's words from their date.

Amy cocked her head to the side, wondering how Ren knew that. "I think she loves Louis more like a brother. She just hasn't quite figured that out yet. But there's no fire in her eyes when she looks at him. There's no sparks."

"Amy, you don't get it," Ren replied. "Louis is my brother. How can I do this to him?"

"If it helps, maybe you should think of all the times he's gone out of his way to humiliate you."

"That's not the same," she mumbled, frowning at the thought.

"Well, what about Tawny? What are her thoughts on this whole thing?"

"I don't know," Ren sighed, reflecting on the date-night. How cool and collected Tawny had been. And then earlier at break she'd seemed a bundle of nerves when she ran into Ren. I wonder if she'd been looking for me, Ren thought. She'd been talking to Louis down the hall about something, Ren hadn't been able to pay much attention as she was setting up a display for a canned food drive, but she managed to steal a few glances at Tawny's small figure, clothed in a dark top and a tight black skirt that did things to Ren she'd never before experienced. She imagined running her hands over Tawny's smooth, porcelain skin, sliding gently up her thigh, and tangling her fingers in her silky, dark hair, their lips locked in a passionate kiss...

"Ren!" Amy snapped her out of her fantasy.

"What? I, uh, sorry," Ren stammered, her heart pounding, grateful that she wasn't a guy since that would've made her thoughts even more apparent as it would've given them a physical form.

"Breathing a little heavy there," Amy said with a smile. "I wonder who you were thinking about."

Ren glared at her. "You still haven't answered my question: why do you think Tawny's so perfect for me?"

"I don't know why I have to tell you that. What do you think of her? And be honest, Ren. Disregarding Louis, ok? Tell me really what _you_ think of Tawny."

"Amy..."

"Do it."

"I think she's... she's beautiful... her eyes are incredible.She's really smart, she's funny-- and not stupid funny like Louis and his other friends. She's interesting and she's creative. And when I was with her at Channings, or when I see her in the hall now... it's like we're the only ones there."

"Well then, that's why I think she's perfect for you. Give it a shot, Ren," Amy said, getting to her feet. "You deserve it."

After Amy left, Ren wandered off to the library to catch up on her history reading—or that's what she'd say, in actuality she was reading ahead. But today she couldn't focus.

* * *

Maybe I should give it a shot, she wondered. I mean, maybe if Tawny is actually interested… but what if she isn't? What if she thinks I'm absolutely horrible for even considering it? No, I can't do it. I'd have to at least ask Louis first and he'd flip. I know he would. He probably out me to the whole school… well, I don't know if he'd go that far… but he'd tell mom and dad and I have no idea how they'll react to finding out that their perfect daughter is actually nothing of the sort… 

Louis will screw up soon enough, Tawny thought. And then I'll have a legitimate reason to dump him. Then I can concentrate on Ren…I should just keep her out of my head until then… like that's going happen…

"Hey, Tawny," Ruby took a seat beside on the stairs in front of the school. "What do you have there?"

"A sandwhich from the deli," Tawny answered flatly. Why was she bothering with small talk?

"Nice," Ruby replied. "So, about the other night, you and Ren? How was it? She said you guys stayed until closing, is that right?"

"Yeah, and then she gave me a ride home and I made her walk me to the door and I kissed her," the words tumbled from Tawny's lips without a moment's hesitation. Good job, fucking idiot, Tawny thought to herself.

"You _kissed_ her?" Ruby clasped her hands together. "It must've gone really well then."

Why bother lying? "Yeah, it was great, Ruby. I had a great time. And I think she did too. I was fine the whole evening until we got to my house, you know? When I realized it was her I thought exactly what Amy had said I'd think: No way. And I figured what the hell? Why not stay for dinner? It was Ren Stevens, nothing's going to happen. I can control myself. I can't get her out of my head, Ruby. One date! It was one date and I can't get her out of my head. And it's Ren! It's Louis' sister."

"I think you guys should have a shot though," Ruby stated.

"How can you think that?" Tawny sighed. "Who was that guy you dated on-again, off-again for like two years? Dexter? Was that his name?"

"Dex, yeah," Ruby replied, recalling the tall blonde she'd met in 8th grade and finally let go of in 10th.

"How would you have felt if Ren started dating him after you'd broken up? Or even now?"

"I guess it'd be weird. Dex really isn't her type…"

"That's not the point," Tawny cut her off. "You wouldn't appreciate it at all, would you? And Ren and Louis are siblings so it's even worse."

"I get what you're saying, Tawny," Ruby explained. "But I think if I saw that it really made Ren happy, I would come around to it. Dex and I aren't together, we aren't meant to be. But what if he and Ren are? It might bother me, but it wouldn't be fair to Ren if I robbed her of the chance to be with someone who… who knows, maybe he could've been The One, you know, for her. You and Ren have had one date and you can't get her out of your head, well, I say that's got maybe!"

Tawny shook her head. "But what about Louis?"

"Maybe you and Ren should keep it secret for a little while, see if it is really anything. If it is, then you tell Louis and hope he reacts in the best possible way, but be prepared for the worst."

"I guess," Tawny shrugged, thinking: there's just one other catch that you don't know about, Ruby—I'm already dating Louis!

"Great! Amy's got a party next weekend, you and Ren should come. Amy and I have been trying to persuade her to and she keeps saying no, but I bet if you asked her to go she would." With that Ruby stood up and retreated into the building. No doubt to find Amy and report that Tawny was at least entertaining the possibility of a relationship with Ren.

"Hey, Tawny," Louis dropped down beside her. "So I've got reservations for Friday night at Channings. It's pretty casual, you know, so nothing fancy. It should be fun. I thought we'd catch a movie after."

"Yeah," she replied. "That'd be great."

Of all the restaurants in west Sacramento, why did he have to choose the one tainted with her betrayal? Well, that's a little melodramatic, she thought…


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Sorry for misplacing the seperation ruler last chapter.

**Chapter Six**

It was Friday afternoon, school had just let out, and Tawny was trying to figure out how to shorten the evening's plans. Dinner with Louis never lasted that long—they never had much to talk about, nothing at all in common really. He'd make fun of other diners, nothing hurtful (not usually anyway), he'd tell a few jokes, or detail his and Twitty's latest scheme to humiliate Tom Gribalski, Principal Hawthorne, or some other poor unsuspecting soul. Or Ren, Louis' favorite target.

And then he wanted to go to a movie. Nothing remotely interesting in Tawny's eyes was playing. Louis undoubtedly would pick out one of the horror films—the numbers were great as it was only two weeks past Halloween—in hopes that Tawny would get scared and need him to protect her, the standard move. But he always ended up frightened and she'd have to convince him that no, zombies aren't really living in the sewers, waiting for the planets to align so they can wreak havoc on mankind… Or they might see the latest Adam Sandler flick, though she was fairly certain he'd already seen it with Twitty.

They were juniors, he'd be seventeen in a month, she would in three, and most of the time it seemed like he hadn't matured at all since they were in the seventh grade.

Maybe she was being too hard on him though. This Ren thing was interfering with her relationship with Louis—something that should've been important to her but strangely was not. Maybe we're done, she thought. I still think he's cute, smart, and he's nice…he has a good heart. But he's also very self-centered, obnoxious, immature, irresponsible, and sometimes downright insensitive. Yeah, he could be a real ass. Louis always sold himself on being funny, but Tawny hadn't really laughed at his jokes in a long time. But she wouldn't say he wasn't funny—just that she had a different sense of humor.

She spent the next several hours trying to convince herself that she was as in love with Louis now as she'd been in eighth grade.

He picked her up at seven. He was dressed in a blue button up shirt, with dark pants—same color scheme as Ren's outfit had been. That's a little freaky, Tawny thought, as she smiled and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

They headed out to the car and Tawny was startled to see it was Ren's. She should've known, Louis usually borrowed his sister's car—but given the circumstance it caught her off guard.

When they were finally seated at the restaurant, it was at the same table her and Ren had been given. She was sitting in the same seat, and he was in Ren's place.

What the hell is with all this? Signs. They were signs. But what did they mean? Were they pro-Louis or pro-Ren? Was she really going to believe something so illogical?

"So, you'll never guess what Twitty and I pulled off yesterday…"

Predictable.

As if things hadn't been awkward enough for Tawny, Louis ordered the same meal Ren had.

It could be a pro-Louis sign, trying to guilt a confession out of me by reminding me of my evening with Ren, Tawny considered. Or, it could just be reminding me of my evening with Ren because God knows with her is where I want to be right now.

She was inclined to believe the latter, but she was well-aware that the inclination came from what she wanted to be true, not what necessarily was true. And either way, it was all a bunch of superstitious nonsense anyway.

He continued rambling in between bites, but Tawny wasn't listening. She was concentrating on her food. By the time she tuned back in they'd both finished their meals.

"You should've seen Tom's face—how many times have we done that to him? The old flying squirrel gag… never gets old."

I didn't find it too hilarious the first time, she thought.

Maybe a good prompt could bring something interesting from him, maybe even something insightful. What was something she'd discussed with Ren? "So, Louis, have you ever read any Dostoevsky?"

"Dosto-who-vsky?" he said, laughing at himself.

"You know, _Crime and Punishment_?"

"No, but I'll tell you what I read the other day that cracked me up, in the Sunday comics there was a really good Zits. Did you see it? It was hilarious."

"I'm sure it was," she said, trying her best to sound enthused. "How about Kurt Vonnegut, have you read him?"

"I think I was supposed to last year for English, but I didn't. Why does it matter? Let's talk about something interesting. Have you seen the new superhero movie? I was thinking we could do that after dinner. Or there's a horror flick—these hot blondes get locked in a cabin out in the middle of nowhere when there car breaks down or something, and crazy stuff happens."

"Sounds thought-provoking," she muttered.

He didn't hear her. "There's a third option too, of course. There's a new Adam Sandler movie out."

"Haven't you already seen it with Twitty?"

"Of course, we've seen it three times already but it's good, you'll like it."

Do you even know me anymore, Louis? She wondered. "You know, Louis, I'm actually not feeling too great. I don't think I'm going to be able to do a movie tonight."

"Oh," he sounded genuinely disappointed. "That sucks. Are you sure? We could do something else maybe. Maybe we could just rent a movie and watch it at home."

"I think I'm just going to go to bed, actually," she said, trying her best to sound disappointed too.

He dropped her off and walked her to the door. "Well, I hope you had as much fun as I did."

"Yeah, it was great," she replied.

He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. He tried to part her lips with his, slip his tongue in, but she cut him short. "Goodnight, Louis."

"Goodnight, Tawny," he grinned.

From inside her house she watched him retreat to his car. He was beaming.

When he'd first asked her out, he'd done so after kissing her. That kiss had affected her, hadn't it? She'd enjoyed it. Now she didn't.

Was it just because of the thing with Ren? Or was she really not interested in Louis anymore, regardless of Ren? If she wasn't interested, why'd she been excited the first time?

Because he's Louis and I'm Tawny, she thought, that's how I'm supposed to feel. He's the only person I've ever really felt anything for. All the girls I've fooled around with, and that one guy, they didn't mean anything to me. They were just for fun. Louis has always been more to me.

But she didn't want Ren just for fun either, if that was the case she'd be able to resist these temptations, she wouldn't mind resisting them. But no, she felt like she was cheating herself just as well as cheating on Louis. Only that kiss—that was the only thing that was actually, cheating, right? But now these feelings… but that wasn't her fault. She couldn't control this.

Ha, I'm trying to make excuses for the fact that I'm a horrible, horrible person, she thought as she let go of the curtain and watched it fall into place, blocking him from view.

Maybe a little more time with Ren _was_ what she needed. A second date, perhaps. Or Amy's party. That would be the perfect place to at least figure out her feelings toward Ren, and Ren's feelings toward her.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **I won't be able to update for the rest of this week, but I'll try to post a new chapter on Monday or Tuesday of next, maybe even Sunday. Just tipping you off. I almost held this one off until after but I decided to leave you with it instead. Enjoy! Please R&R!

**Chapter Seven**

"I don't know why I agreed to this…" Ren muttered to herself as she found a space between a couple other cars parked out in front of Amy's grandparent's beach house.

After bugging her for a week and a half, Ruby had finally convinced her to come to the party—saying that even if she didn't want to do anything about the Tawny situation, she should still come since she'd never been to a party at the beach place and according to Ruby just looking at the house was worth the hour drive.

Staring up at the huge house, and especially after stepping inside, Ren was forced to agree. The place was enormous and an ocean front property, though there wasn't much of a view at night.

"Ren," she heard Ruby's voice over the crowd of people talking, dancing, making out. "You made it."

"Yeah, well," she shrugged, noting the strong smell of alcohol.

"Tawny did too," Ruby grinned. "And by the way, she mentioned a little detail about your date that you left out."

"What are you talking about?"

"Tawny told me she kissed you," Ruby explained. "It sort of just came out, I don't quite think she meant to share it. But she did."

Ren didn't know what to say.

"Well, was it a good kiss?" Ruby asked.

Ren glowered at her.

"Come on," Ruby rolled her eyes and ignored the angry look.

When it was clear that Ren wasn't going to answer, Ruby just grabbed her friend by the elbow and lead her through the crowd.

Ruby didn't have to bother pointing Tawny out to Ren. Ren found her on her own, talking with some other people. She was wearing that same black skirt she'd worn that day they collided in the hallway. The tight little skirt that hugged Tawny's hips and made it impossible for Ren to focus her attention anywhere else, the skirt that made every other sound in the world disappear so that Ren couldn't hear anything, couldn't see anything but Tawny standing there.

God, I'm having more fun talking to these people than I was with Louis, Tawny thought. When did that happen though?

It didn't really matter. She'd come to the conclusion that Louis really wasn't for her anymore, she'd outgrown him. If only she didn't feel so guilty about that, then she could just leave him, or if she found a good motive.

She turned around then, surveying the crowd when her eyes locked with Ren's.

There's my motive, she thought, feeling that it was a damn good one.

Rubv followed Ren's gaze and grinned, giving her best friend a shove toward Tawny that snapped her out of her dazed state.

"Ruby!" Ren snapped. "What are you doing?"

"Go over there, talk to her," Ruby nudged. "She knows we're talking about her now anyway."

"What? I can't. What do I say? No," she shook her head. "I can't do this, Ruby. You know how I get with these kinds of things—never mind the special circumstance—I either ramble like an idiot or I can't speak at all. I'll make a fool out of myself."

"All lovers are fools," Ruby said. "Or something like that. There's a phrase." She grabbed Ren's hand and dragged her, with great struggle, over to Tawny.

"Here you go, Tawny," she said, pushing Ren in front. "She wants to talk to you."

"Hey, Ren," she smiled. Her stomach was in knots but she kept her cool. She was an actress, after all.

"H-hey," Ren forced.

"You want something to drink?" Tawny asked, grabbing a fresh red plastic cup.

"Um, sure," Ren replied, folding her arms.

"What do want? There's a few different beers, most of which I've never tried. There's Corona though."

"Oh, um, water," Ren cleared her throat. "I'll just have some water."

Someone clucked like chicken, and someone else said 'shut up'. It sounded like Ruby. No doubt she was hovering in the vicinity.

"Ok," Tawny moved to the fridge and filled the cup with water. "Here."

"Thanks," Ren said as she took the cup, and quickly sipped from it.

A few awkward seconds passed.

"We could go somewhere a little quieter," Tawny suggested.

"Wh-what, uh, what do you mean?" Ren stammered, terrified that Tawny meant 'let's find an empty bedroom'.

"The deck, it's not quite as crowded," Tawny said. "Unless you think it's too cold."

"Oh, no," Ren answered. "Sure, let's go to the deck."

Tawny lead the way, opting to cut straight across the dance floor. Tawny, much more in her element, confidently weaved through the crowd easily. Ren, on the other hand, feel behind, repeatedly stopping and apologizing to every one she accidentally bumped into. The past parties of Amy's she'd come to had been smaller, and she'd always avoided the dance floor. Tawny appeared in front of her again a few moments later, grabbing her hand and pulling her through the crowd.

"Ooh, they're holding hands," Ruby clapped as she caught sight of them briefly.

Ren still apologized to the people they interrupted on their way through, but her thoughts were focused very intently on Tawny's fingers interlocked with her own and the sound of her heart pounding in her head.

"Ok, here we are," Tawny said as they broke free of the crowds and stepped out onto the deck.

It was an expansive deck, with a flight of stairs leading down to the beach sand. Considerably quieter than inside, they could hear the waves crashing against the shore—though they could also still hear the slightly muffled pulsing of the music from inside. There were several people out with them, one corner jammed with kids getting high, another with a couple stargazing.

Glancing around, Tawny opted to move down toward the beach, taking a seat on the steps, pulling Ren down beside her.

All that Ren really noticed though was that Tawny was still holding her hand.

"So how did they get you to come?"

"Oh, um, Ruby… she just kept bugging me," Ren answered. "Persistence."

"Well, I'm glad you came," Tawny said, without moving her gaze from the direction of the sea. She gave Ren's hand a little squeeze.

"You—you are?" Ren cleared her throat, staring down at her hand entwined with Tawny's and resting on the edge of her little black skirt.

"I had a really good time the other night and…" Tawny hesitated. "And I was thinking that maybe we could do it again sometime."

When Ren didn't reply, Tawny continued. "I mean, I know what—I know that there's a bit of a problem…whether this is ok or not…" she paused again, trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say. "I haven't been with Louis in almost two years, and I really think that it's over with him. For good. But I understand that it's still not… I just… I think Amy and Ruby are right. I think that we should at least have a chance. I'd really, _really_ like a chance."

She turned to face Ren then, waiting, expectant.

Say something! Ren thought angrily. Say something, anything! She wants to give it a try, she says she's done with Louis. She wants you. Ren, say something!

"I, uh, I'd…" she stammered, furious with herself for her lack of composure. She was Ren Stevens for God's sake!

Tawny waited patiently, part of her enjoying watching Ren falter, so unprepared.

"I don't know," Ren finally forced the words from her mouth, taking her hand away from Tawny's. "I don't know."

"Oh," she replied, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice. "That's fine. There's plenty of time, you can think about it."

"Ok," Ren nodded. "I need to think."

"Yeah," Tawny nodded.

"He's my brother," Ren stated, her voice almost a whisper.

"I know," Tawny said. "He's my best friend." As she said this she wondered if that was still true even. He was her oldest friend, but she didn't confide much in him. He wasn't the one she went to when she had a problem or anything.

"I don't want to hurt him if it's just…" her voice trailed off.

"Just what?"

"I need to know that… that it'll be worth it."

"What do you mean 'worth it'?"

"Like, it can't just be… it can't just be for fun. It has to be more than that. And how do we know if it would be?"

"We don't. But you have to try to find that out."

"But if it isn't that way in the beginning then it's like I was willing to do this behind his back just for fun, just to have a good time. Not because it really means something."

"Hey, Tawny," a voice called from behind. "Come here, it's our song!"

Ren and Tawny both looked back toward the house: a tall, dark-haired boy in tight leather pants was waving at them.

"That's Toby, he's a friend of mine."

Though Toby was gay, he was the one boy Tawny had ever slept with. That had been an accident, though. And Tawny hadn't gotten high since.

Ren nodded. "Go, dance."

Tawny hesitated, but decided to go. Ren needed time to think.

As she started to get up, Ren grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"What?" she rested her hand on Ren's shoulder.

Ren parted her lips to speak, but no sounds came out.

She let go, shaking her head as if to say 'never mind'.

Tawny sat down beside her again. "Ren?"

Ren didn't respond.

"I think this could be something worth it," she said, squeezing Ren's shoulder.

Then she turned and headed in with Toby.

"Hey there," Ruby joined her on the steps a few minutes later. "Why aren't _you_ dancing with Tawny?"

Ren didn't respond.

"Talk to me, Ren," Ruby begged. "I'm your best friend. You could always talk to me."

"I know, I know," Ren mumbled. "This is just... different. I'm confused."

"You like her, she likes you. What's so confusing? I know Louis is an issue but still."

"When I see her now, it hurts, Ruby," Ren explained. "It's like someone's twisting my heart around inside my chest, I get kind of nauseous-- but not like sick naseous, just nervous. I can't even decide if it's a good pain or a bad one. It's like... I don't even know. Am I supposed to feel like that?"

"Like a hunger? That's just because you really want her," Ruby answered. "Now come inside, dance, do something. Have some fun, Ren. You've been to parties before, you understand the concept, I know you do."

"I think I'm just going to go for a walk," she said, rising to her feet. "I'll be down by the water."

"Ok," Ruby gave in. "I'll be in there if you need anything."

Again, Ren only managed a few minutes of peace before someone was at her side. But it was Tawny, so she didn't mind.

"I didn't mean to put pressure on you or anything, if I did," Tawny said as she stopped beside Ren. "I'm not trying to upset you."

"I know," Ren replied, turning to face Tawny, a little startled that she'd thought that. "You aren't. It's just... well, you know what it is."

Tawny nodded, she knew.

As she examined the shorter, blue-eyed girl beside her, the pain in her chest started to rise. Pain might not have even been an accurate term for it, discomfort was better. Anxiety, nerves, whatever. Because I want her, she thought, I want her and I don't know if I can have her. But if I _did_ have her...maybe I could feel a little better. Only one way to satisfy hunger. She didn't think it a fair thought, but followed it nonethless.

She took Tawny's face in her hands and pulled her closer. Tawny seemed a little startled but she didn't resist, Ren had known she wouldn't. She pressed her lips against Tawny's, tasting the same sweet flavor. She kept one hand on Tawny's cheek, the other she moved back, running her fingers through Tawny's soft, dark hair. She parted the younger girl's lips with her own and slid her tongue inside, finding the exact satisfaction she longed for. It made her knees weak. All she could hear was her heart thudding inside and the waves crashing down on the beach. She could feel Tawny's heart pounding as well. Tawny moved her hands over Ren's body, one to her shoulder and the other over the small of her back, pulling her a little closer.

Just then a loud sound cracked nearby, startling them both and causing them to seperate, only a couple inches but it felt like so much more. A bright light flashed in the sky as the firework continued exploding. They were being launched off of Amy's deck.

Snapped back to reality, Ren stepped away from Tawny. "I'm sorry. I didn't-- I just, I can't do this. I have to go." She turned and ran up the beach toward the house, carrying with her the image of Tawny's confused and hurt expression, her pained blue eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **For some reason the ruler isn't working, so I just made it a 'meanwhile'. I tried to add space but it wouldn't work. Sorry about that. You will live though.

**Chapter Eight**

"What happened?" Amy asked, joining Tawny on the beach.

"Huh?" Tawny wasn't paying much attention, her focus being on the dark ocean in front of her.

"Ren just came crashing through there," Amy explained. "She didn't look…well, like she was in a happy place. Did you say something to her?" she inquired, almost accusingly.

"I said what you two thought—that we should give it a try. I said I didn't mean to put any pressure on her. She kissed me! Then she said she couldn't do this and ran away." Tawny was beside herself as she explained all this. It was something, to say the least, this thing with her and Ren, but Ren wasn't making it very easy to figure things out.

"Well," Amy said, sighing. "Ruby went to talk with her so…"

"Why? You two need to back off, ok? You're probably the only reason she came here. You guys are forcing her into these things and… I don't want her to try… this has to be because she wants it too, you know? I don't want her doing it because you guys pressure her to…"

"Tawny, trust me," Amy reassured. "Ruby pushed her to come here, but you are the reason she agreed. If you weren't here, she wouldn't have bothered at all. There's no way she could've been persuaded. Ruby and I… we've just been trying to get her to go the extra mile, you know?"

Tawny shook her head. "Whatever."

"Was it a good kiss?"

Tawny rolled her eyes. "Amy…"

"Why is it so difficult to get straight answers out of you two?"

Because it's really none of your business, Tawny thought. Was it a good kiss? It made my heart pound, made me weak in the knees, took my breath away… all of that. So cliché… but it's true.

"Well?"

"Oh," Tawny cleared her throat. "Yeah, yeah it was a great kiss."

"Tawny?" a familiar voice came from behind. "Didn't know you'd be here."

Tawny whirled around, surpsied to find Twitty standing there. "Twitty? Why are you here?"

"Oh, Tom heard about a big party out here and so me and Louis decided to crash it. It's supposedly invite-only, so we snuck in through a basement window... how'd you snag an invite?"

Ok, so he seems unaware as to the specifics of_ this_ party... "I'm friends with the host-- this is her."

"Oh," Twitty gulped.

"You crashed my party, huh? Lookin' for chicks? Most of the ones here aren't into guys. There's a few though, good luck," Amy grinned as she headed back up the beach, passing Louis on her way. Louis and Twitty's only other friend was Tom-- who they didn't even bother to bring along to the party he'd tipped them off to-- so word wouldn't spread far from them. And anyone who did hear from them, wouldn't take them seriously.

"So, why didn't you invite me?" Louis asked as he stopped next to Tawny.

"Because... we weren't supposed to bring dates. You don't even know any of these friends."

"So? I could just hang with you," he shrugged.

Tawny nodded. "I guess."

Meanwhile, Ruby caught up to Ren as she frantically tried to unlock her car. "What on earth are you doing?"

"I have to go," Ren's voice was shaking.

"Stop," Ruby put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Calm down."

Finally unlocking the door, Ren climbed inside, not responding to Ruby at all.

Ruby rushed around to the other side of the car and Ren let her in.

"I kissed her," Ren stated.

"I know, I saw," Ruby grinned as she said this. "That's good, isn't it?"

"No, it's not good! It's not ok, Ruby!"

"Not this again," Ruby groaned.

"Not this again?" Ren snapped. "Why do you guys keep acting like it's nothing?"

"Just talk to him, Ren! Talk to Louis if you're so worried. I understand where you're coming from, I do. But the fact is that Tawny wants you now, Louis is done. She's not his girlfriend, she's his ex."

"I want this," Ren said, gripping the steering wheel tightly though she still hadn't started the car. "I really want it, Ruby. I—it's going to sound stupid I know but I've never felt like this before."

Ruby smiled. "All the more reason for you to go for it."

"I don't want it to be behind Louis' back… but if I ask him and he says no, then what?"

"Well," Ruby formulated an answer but Ren kept going instead.

"What if… what if we just try to… I mean, if we just get to know each other better? I mean, these feelings if they're real, I mean if it's a big thing, then they won't go away. But if it's just… lust... then maybe they'll fade."

"I don't know if Tawny wants to just be better friends with you, Ren," Ruby started. "She's pretty--"

Ren pushed open the car door and slammed it behind her, paying Ruby no heed at all.

"Well, ok then," Ruby mumbled, getting out of the car and watching Ren run back toward the house and stop, opting to go around the side rather than make her way through the mob inside.

"Tawny!" Ren called as she set foot on the sand and saw the younger girl heading up the steps, she didn't recognize the boy in front of Tawny. "Wait!"

Both Louis and Tawny turned, along with a few others, to find Ren panting and pacing on the beach. She still didn't realize it was her brother, and turned to face away from her little audience as she caught her breath.

"Ren's here too?" Louis asked, purely bewildered at the thought of his sister at an unsupervised party.

Without a second thought, Tawny headed down the steps and over to Ren.

Louis started to follow behind but Tawny stopped him. "Can you, uh, get us some drinks?"

"Sure, but I want to see what Ren is doing here first," he insisted.

"I'll ask for you," Tawny insisted, gesturing for him to go inside. He obeyed.

"What is it?" Tawny asked once she got to Ren, successfully containing the myriad of emotions brimming under the surface.

"I, uh… um…" Ren started, her attention being effortlessly stolen by Tawny's smooth skin, red lips, blue eyes, and soft, shiny hair…and that skirt.

"Look, Ren, why don't we just tell Louis? He's here now. Then you won't have this weighing on you. Neither of us will. We can tell him together if that'd make it easier for you."

"No, we can't ask him. Not yet. 'Cause if he says no… then, that's it. That's final and…he's here now?"

"And yes, he and Twitty heard about the party and they crashed it-- didn't you see him? Thoguh they don't seem to realize it's a bunch of gay kids. But anyway, I said _tell _him, not ask him. I'm not his property, Ren. You aren't borrowing me from him or taking me from him. He doesn't have any rights over me. If he says no, then too bad for him. Stop talking about me like I'm an object."

"I know, that's not what… I don't think of you like that… I just meant… it's not…I just, I think maybe we should get to know each other better still."

"Get to know each other? Well, that will happen if we date, if you give me a shot..."

"No, I mean, we should just be friends for a little bit first."

"Friends?" Tawny asked, the word oozing with boredom and disappointment.

"Yeah, because if… I don't want this if it's just going to be… physical. I mean, I do want it, but I'm not going to have it then because Louis is my brother and I know you aren't his property but I still don't feel right about it. But if we're friends for a bit, if we get to know each other better and still feel like… like there's potential for, uh, more than that, then, uh, we'll try it. Then we'll tell Louis and we'll try it. Being friends isn't going behind his back."

"I see what you're saying, Ren," Tawny replied. "Are you just doing this in hopes that you'll find something really annoying about me that'll completely turn you off and then you won't be in this whole dilemma anymore?"

"No," Ren answered honestly. "I hadn't even realized that—but that could be a plus. I mean, I'd hope in that case we'd both find something to hate. Because if one of does and the other still wants more, well, then they aren't in a very good spot, are they?"

"No, they aren't," Tawny said with smile. "Fine. You want to try being friends. Can I tell Louis about that?"

"Um," she hesitated. "Yes, you can."

"So we're friends now?" Tawny asked.

"Friends," Ren clarified, grinning. "Now, Louis is coming over here. Make sure he doesn't find out what kind of party this is."

With that, Ren slipped back around the corner of the house the way she had come.

I'm a very bad friend, just look at what I'm doing to Louis, Tawny thought. This does give me time to remedy that though…time? I don't need time. I need to end it. Right now.

"Here you go," he said with a smile as he handed her a glass.

"Thanks, Louis," she said flatly. "We need to talk about something."

"Why was Ren here?"

"It's a party, she was invited, she came. It's not that exciting, actually. Anyway..."

"There aren't any parents here. It's totally unsupervised and Ren is in attendance-- not a big deal?"

"Ok, Louis, I get," Tawny snapped.

"Whoa, chill out," Louis said, holding up his hands.

"I know, I'm sorry... it's just... this isn't working, Louis," she finally forced.

"What isn't working?"

"This. Us."

"What do you mean? I thought everything was going just fine..."

"It is, was... you are being great, Louis. It's just... I'm not there. I'm not interested anymore."

"Oh," he mumbled. "I see. There's someone else?"

She shurgged. "I just know it's not you, at least not right now."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Well, _riverkirby_, you sort of read my mind… And I know nothing about Sacktown so Mitchell's Point is a made up place.

**Chapter Nine**

Louis had seemed to take the break up well enough, abrupt as it was. But when Twitty approached Tawny on Monday morning, she knew that hadn't been the case.

"So, you and Louis broke up already—after only what? 2 weeks? 3? You hardly gave him a chance this time. He was really trying too."

"I know he was, Twitty, but I'm just not interested anymore," Tawny replied. "Faking it wouldn't be fair to him at all."

"He's really upset about this, Tawny," Twitty said, running his fingers through his blond hair.

"Look, Twitty, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "He said you're into someone else."

"I didn't say that to him," she retorted.

"But you are?"

"Sort of… I don't even know right now. It's complicated." Hardly, but Ren's making it that way, she thought.

Twitty remained silent for a few minutes, he was never good at interrogation.

"Tell Louis that I'm really sorry and I didn't mean to hurt him. But, you know, it is what it is."

Twitty nodded then, and turned to seek out Louis and report.

Tawny headed the opposite direction, in search of Ruby.

She found her hovering around a corner, on the other side of which a boy and a girl were trying to keep private their difficult break-up.

"Ruby?"

"Shh!" she whirled to face Tawny, her finger pressed to her lips, whispering hurriedly. "Ethan Whittaker and Mary Quinn are breaking up! After 3 years!"

"And I'm sure they appreciate you listening in," Tawny said, rolling her eyes. She grabbed Ruby and dragged her several feet away from the couple, giving them their privacy.

"Hey!" Ruby sounded truly offended.

Tawny ignored her and moved on to her own matters. "So, Ren wants to just be friends with me. She wants to get to know me better."

"Right, she told me about it," Ruby nodded. "You agreed."

"I did. So, I was thinking the three of us could do something together."

"You know, Ren and I do stuff together all the time, just the two of us," Ruby explained. "Being friends doesn't mean you have to act in groups of three."

"I know that but I doubt Ren will willingly go anywhere with me in public, she'll want you there."

"And you don't? Thanks."

"You know what I mean."

"Well, I was going to drag Ren with me up to Mitchell's Point to watch the meteor showed this weekend. It's a great place to look at the constellations."

"You mean, star-gazing?" Tawny asked. "Why don't you get a date for that?"

"Because, I honestly like to study the constellations… I know, shocking, I have an interest outside of gossip. I love astronomy but I figured actually going to the observatory would be a little too geeky for a group activity. If I go with a guy, he'll try and make a move. They'll make some cheesy romantic comments about the stars and then they'll go for it. I don't want to deal with that."

"So you were going to take, Ren?"

"Well, she has a car. I don't. And yes, I've made her go there with me before. She doesn't mind it. So, do you want to come?"

Tawny thought a moment. "Sure, I'll come."

"We'll pick you up around 11 then, how about Friday?"

"It's been dark for a couple hours already, we could've gone earlier than this," Ren mumbled as Ruby climbed into the car. "It's an hour drive."

"The later, the darker, the better the view," Ruby replied. "Stop complaining. Now, you know where Tawny lives, right?"

"Why does that matter?" Ren asked, tensing up.

"Because she's coming too," Ruby answered. "Did I not tell you?"

"No, you didn't!" Ren snapped.

"Well, it's not a big deal, is it?" Ruby said, gesturing for Ren to calm down. "You two are just being friends now, remember?"

"Right, but still… I would've…"

"Dressed differently?"

"What's wrong with the way--"

"Nothing, it's fine, but I don't know why you're freaking out. Turn here."

"I know. I know where she lives. Alder Court, right?"

"Yeah, stalker."

"She's been Louis best friend for, like, 5 years!"

"I know, Ren," Ruby laughed. "I'm just giving you a hard time, chill."

Ren frowned at her friend, as the pulled onto the street that lead to Tawny's house.

Tawny was sitting on her front porch waiting for them. She'd spent an hour getting ready—even if she had to endure this 'just friends' thing, she was never going to think of Ren in those terms.

"Hey," Ruby rolled down her window to greet Tawny as she approached the car. "I forgot to tell Ren you were coming. She freaked out."

"I did not!" Ren yelled from behind.

Tawny grinned as she climbed in the back seat. "Would you have freaked if it was Monique?"

"I didn't 'freak' out. I was just… startled. A little."

The whole drive up, both Ruby and Tawny had to work responses from Ren, who was intently focused on the road and not willingly participating in any conversation.

When they arrived, Ruby was thrilled to find that there were only three there people present. Ren was aggravated by the same fact—claiming it wasn't safe for them to be up there alone with three strange men around.

Both Tawny and Ruby rolled their eyes and laughed.

Harmless as it was, Ren didn't appreciate being laughed at.

Ruby wandered off to talk to the other people, in search of a fellow astronomy buff, deliberately taking the opportunity to leave Ren and Tawny alone.

"So, I'm sorry if it freaked you out that I came," Tawny said.

"I didn't freak—nevermind," Ren glared, crossing her arms.

"I know, Ren," Tawny laughed. "I'm just joking. Lighten up."

"Yeah," Ren mumbled.

"I'm sorry, are you actually mad at me now? I don't know you well enough to tell."

Ren shrugged. "No, I'm not mad at you."

"Ok," Tawny said, relived. "Good."

"So, do you like this sort of thing too?" Ren asked, having a little trouble getting the words out but managing.

"Um, to be honest, I've never done it before."

"Oh," Ren nodded. "I hadn't before Ruby made me. It's kind of fun though. I mean, it's beautiful."

The city was behind them and entirely blocked by a dark wall of trees so that little to no ambient light affected their view of the night sky. Billions of stars dotted the sky in a stillness only broken by the occasional shooting star. The shower had yet to begin in full force.

"It is beautiful," Tawny agreed. "So you think you'll really get to know me better by being my friend?"

"Yeah," Ren answered, startled by the question. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Louis, Twitty, and Tom have been my closest friends for years and, well, there's a lot they don't know about me. You think you're going to find out a ton of stuff in a couple weeks? Or were you planning on going on like this for years?"

"No, not years."

"So, what do you expect?"

"Tell me," Ren commanded, her voice quiet.

"What?"

She cleared her throat. "Tell me things you never told Louis."

Tawny was surprised by such a forward request from Ren, especially given the issues she had with Louis' relationship with Tawny.

She stared at Ren for a few moments, silently contemplating the taller girl's request. Louis and I were friends for years, she thought, and I didn't tell him much. Why should I just blurt things out to someone I barely know? Even if it is Ren… who, who I feel like I know, Tawny hesitated, taking in this new feeling. She felt like she'd been friends with Ren for years, even though they'd talked more in the past three weeks than they had in all the years they'd known each other. Maybe that's why I don't want to bother with this 'friends' thing, I'm already there. Or that's how I feel.

"Tawny?" Ren broke her train of thought.

I can tell her these things, Tawny thought. Where to start though?

"Well, they're all astronomy geeks," Ruby stated as she rejoined them.

A few moments later the meteor shower came on full force, and the three of them watched in silence. Only Ruby interjected with an occasional 'ooh' or 'ah'…

Ren watched Tawny from the corner of her eye, the blue reflections on her smooth skin and the light on her eyes much more interesting and beautiful than the meteors as far as Ren was concerned.

After an hour or so, Ruby noticed a fellow student—a fellow astronomy club member—was also in attendance. He'd come a little late.

"I'm going to catch a ride home with him, he lives closer to me than you do anyway," Ruby said, giving Ren a nudge and a wink as she left.

Ren rolled her eyes and frowned. Not with anger really, just frustration—more with herself than anyone else.

"We can go whenever you feel like it," she said to Tawny.

"Oh, I'm fine, I've seen enough. I mean, they aren't that different from each other."

"So you want to go now?"

"Sure, if you want."

"Ok," Ren nodded, and the two of them headed back to the car.

Half the drive was in awkward and uneasy silence until Ren finally forced herself to speak again. "So, you never told me anything."

"You should tell me something about you first, if you have the nerve to be asking for my private secrets up front like that," Tawny said, a sly smile forming on her face.

"Like what?"

"Just something. You know, what…" Tawny paused, Ren wouldn't like this question. "What turns you on?"

"What?" Ren didn't hide her shock. "And you say I have nerve?"

"How about clothing? Is there any particular style that you find appealing to look at? More than appealing, really."

"Tawny…"

"Come on! I've never had a close girlfriend like Ruby and you. This is what girls talk about in the movies. I like tight-fitting shirts that button up the front, so they look like they're going to bust open."

"This wasn't the kind of personal thing I wanted to know," Ren said, laughing uncomfortably.

"I'm adopted," Tawny said, knowing full well that she was making Ren uncomfortable with her other questions, but she had no intention of stopping just yet. "Now, give me at least one article of clothing that gets you hot."

"Adopted, really?" Ren tried to ignore the second part of Tawny statement.

"Ren," she pressed.

"Fine," Ren groaned. "Um, let me think a minute."

"Ok," Tawny looked at the clock. "I need an answer by 2:32."

Ren smiled, shaking her head. "Oh, uh, that skirt."

"What skirt?"

"You've worn it a couple times," Ren said.

"A skirt of _mine_?" Tawny asked, seeking clarification, wanting to hear it a second time.

"It's black, you wore it to the party last week, and before on that day when you ran into me in the hallway," Ren explained.

"Oh, that? I don't, I—oh, you know, I'm not even going to try to be modest; I look damn good in that skirt."

Ren laughed. "Yes, you do."

"Well, I'll have to wear it more often then."

"No, no," Ren shook her head. "That'll make it very difficult for me to keep this platonic."

"Exactly," Tawny grinned.

"Oh," Ren smiled. "Right."

When they arrived at Tawny's house, Ren walked her to the door again.

"Well, I had a great time, again," Tawny said. "Tell Ruby thanks for inviting me."

"I will," Ren smiled. "See you Monday."

"Later," Tawny said as she watched Ren retreat to the car and drive away.

She was beaming as she headed upstairs to her room to find a note taped to her door that stole the smile from herlips, _Louis called_. She took it down and entered her room. Well, at least I'm not cheating anymore, she thought, still feeling bad about how long she'd dragged that on for, and knowing that she wasn't quite finished dealing with Louis yet, at least not if he was as upset as Twitty had implied.

"This whole thing isn't fair for any of us," she murmured to herself.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Sorry about the lack of a ruler between Tawny and Ruby's conversation and Ren picking Ruby up, the icon wasn't working. I don't know why I'm having such difficulty with those damn things…

**Chapter Ten**

I'm wasting time, Ren thought. I'm stalling. I shouldn't be this nervous.

She was sitting behind a desk in the main office at school stapling packets together for something or other. This thing she was doing with Tawny was so frustrating… friends? Did she seriously think she could just be friends with Tawny? There was no way. You can't force yourself to see someone a certain way, you saw them as you saw them. There was no control. When she looked at Tawny, the word _friend_ never came to mind. There were no words really, at least not ones clean enough that she'd willingly call them to memory. She smiled to herself. Contact. She looked at Tawny and she thought: I want contact. I don't want to be standing a few feet away. I want contact. She frowned. Mindless lust, that's what this is. No, there's something else. Right? Maybe. But I have to know for sure, she told herself. Don't I?

"Hey, Ren."

She was surprised to look up and find Tawny standing over her.

"Hey," she replied.

"I had photo, the teacher let's you out early if you're on top of things so, I thought I'd stop by," Tawny said, sitting down across the desk from Ren. "I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me?"

"Lunch?"

"Yes, the meal between breakfast and dinner, next period, you've heard of it I'm sure," Tawny cocked her head to the side. "I'm just going to the deli across the street. You and Ruby eat together all the time. It's a good 'friends' activity."

"Yeah, sure," Ren agreed, fumbling with her papers, several of them falling to the floor.

Tawny sighed. "I don't think this 'friends' thing is serving any purpose, Ren. But since it's what you want to do, then I'll do it. However, it's not easy to be friends with someone who avoids you half the time, and when you're actually with them, they're so uncomfortable it makes you feel like you're an enemy or something."

"Tawny, I…" Ren stammered, trying to compose herself but finding it near impossible to reload the stapler.

"I'm asking you to have lunch and you're freaking out," Tawny cut her off. "You're spilling papers everywhere, you can't work the stapler."

"Shh," Ren out her finger to her lips, glancing around to make sure no one was listening in.

Tawny rolled her eyes. "Forget it."

She got up and made to leave. She hadn't been in a good mood all day, a couple days actually—ever since she came home and found the note on her door. She didn't call Louis back, but she checked the voicemail on her cell phone: he'd called seventeen times. Most of them were short and simple pleas for her to call him, the last one was a complete monologue.

_Tawny, listen, I love you. I know you love me. Why are… who else is it? Who could you be willing to throw us away for? I know I've made some mistakes, and I know I've humiliated you from time to time, but you know I don't mean it. I'm trying really hard this time. I thought… you know, maybe this could be it. That's what I thought. Every other girl I've dated… none of them compare to you. I always come back to you. I guess if you really need more time to reach that conclusion for yourself, well, then… I guess I should give it to you. Just tell me who it is that we're postponing the inevitable for…I can't believe it hasn't cut me off yet. Well, anyway, I love you. Call me._

Like that wasn't the guilt trip of the century? And if it wasn't enough, he'd vandalized her locker with a shot-through heart with their initials in it. Had Ren seen that? It would probably cause more setbacks. But no matter how guilty Louis made her feel, he didn't make her feel for him what he still felt for her. And to top it off Ren was making everything as difficult as possible.

"I said I'd go," Ren said, surprised that Tawny had revoked the offer.

"Are you going to be acting like this?" Tawny asked, her voice a little harsh.

"What do you--"

"Never mind, Ren," she waved her hand. "I'll just go with Tom or something."

"Tawny," Ren stood up, half reaching out as if to stop Tawny from leaving. "I said I'd come."

Tawny crossed her arms. "How long are we going to do this for?"

"We had a good time the other night, I thought," Ren said. "Didn't we?"

"Yeah," Tawny replied. "But we could've had a better time."

Ren sighed. "Well, I want to do this for a little longer. I want to get to know you first—why is that such an outrageous concept?"

"Because you wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for Louis!" Tawny raised her voice more than she intended and it just so happened that Louis was just leaving the principal's office.

"Tawny?" he called over, surprised to see her there.

Ren sat down quickly.

"Hey," he said as he greeted them.

"Hey," the both mumbled unenthusiastically in unison.

Louis paid no heed to their obvious mood. "What are you doing in here?"

Tawny hesitated a moment, glancing at Ren. "I was asking Ren if she wanted to eat lunch with me."

"Since when do you guys hang out?" he laughed.

"We have some things to talk about," Tawny stated flatly.

Ren pretended to focus on the computer screen in front of her, though all it displayed was a screen saver with the time drifting around the screen.

"Like what?" he pried.

"Nothing that would interest you," Tawny said.

"Ok, then I have a question for you: did, uh, did you get my message?" his voice was hushed.

"Yes, I did," she mumbled, not at all wanting to talk about that in front of Ren.

Louis waited for more of a response.

After a few moments of silence Tawny turned to Ren. "Well, since today isn't good for you, we'll do it some other time. See ya."

She grabbed Louis' arm and lead him from the office. "I thought I made myself clear at the party, Louis."

"No, I know," he said. "I get it that you need time. I mean, I'm not liking the thought of you with other guys but I'll deal. Take your time. I just want to know who."

"Who is none of you business. And I don't need time. I took time to think about this before I broke up with you, Louis. I didn't do it on a whim. I don't…"

"Don't what?"

"I don't want you. Not like that," she paused before adding: "I really don't think I'm ever going to want you like that again. We're finished. It's over. Can I make it any clearer?"

He looked wounded, but he sucked it up nonetheless. "I understand. I'll be waiting for you when you come back."

"Louis…"

"I heard you loud and clear, Tawny. But you are just confused. We're meant to be. Deep down you know it too. Later," he smiled and walked off, leaving her there frustrated and angry in the hallway.

She sighed heavily, leaning against the wall.

The lunch bell rang and she hurried out of the building and across the street. She almost always managed to be the first one there, and so she never had to wait in line. She took a seat in a corner booth by the window. On warmer days she ate outside in front of the school, but today was cloudy and cold.

"Is this seat taken?" someone asked.

She looked up to find Ren standing there with a sandwich of her own.

"Sure," she said.

Ren sat down across from her, and, after a few moments of silence, spoke. "I'm sorry that I'm making this difficult."

"I'm sorry for getting mad," Tawny said. "I've just been having a bad day and I was kind of taking it out on you. Not that I'm not frustrated with you."

Ren smiled, and opted for a subject change. "So, the other night, you said you were adopted?"

"I did."

"Yes, you're adopted and you like it when girls where tight shirts that nearly bust open—I tried a few of my tightest shirts on by the way, after you told me that, but I'm, uh, not big enough to… have that effect. Sorry."

Tawny laughed.

Ren grinned. Maybe I _can_ do this, she thought. When Tawny laughed it made that pain-like feeling inside swell again. Hell, when Tawny was snapping at her back in the office, the feeling was there. She hadn't really been upset with Tawny at all. Just enamored with her, even in anger. Everything she did was beautiful and right and perfect. Right at that moment Tawny was simply taking a bite out of her turkey sandwich; she was holding her food with both hands, staring down at it as she took the bite, then her blue eyes flashed upward to Ren as she chewed... For God's sake, she's just eating, Ren thought to herself. But it's not what, it's not where, it's not how, it's not why, it's who. Who you're with. And it's Tawny. So it is beautiful. Even if it is just eating.

Louis and Twitty were sitting across the street. "If she's hanging out with Ren now I could probably convince Ren to put in a good word for me."

"Louis, man," Twitty shrugged. "Tawny really doesn't seem…"

"Oh, so she's convinced you? Well, that's fine 'cause I know the truth and it's only important that I know it anyway, since it's the truth…" Louis grumbled, upset with his friend for giving up.

"Dude, you're not making any sense," Twitty said.

"Thanks for the support, buddy," Louis said sarcastically as he got to his feet and retreated toward the school.

"Dude," Twitty sighed and looked back across the street.

Ren and Tawny were just talking, laughing, they seemed to have be having a good time. All of a sudden Ren leaned across the table and kissed Tawny, a quick, brief kiss on the lips. Tawny seemed pleasantly surprised.

Spitting out his soda in disbelief, Twitty glanced backward to see if Louis was still there. He wasn't. He refocused his attention on Ren and Tawny. "Oh my God."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **I've been doing so good at writing almost all my chapters above 2,000 words, but this is a short one, just wrapping up some events from the last one before we move on to better stuff. Thanks for all the reviews! Again the ruler won't work, but I think I constructed a successful breaker this time...

**Chapter Eleven**

Tawny was completely caught off guard when Ren leaned across the table, firmly planting her lips on Tawny's for a brief but sweet kiss. For all her pushing, this was the second time Ren had initiated a kiss. Nevertheless, Tawny wasn't quite sure what it meant.

Ren leaned back, a playful smile on her face.

"So," Tawny started. "You do that to Ruby all the time too?"

"Not quite," Ren laughed.

"Well, then, should I be getting my hopes up or… should I just assume that you can't control yourself and are going to be one of those people who drags my heart through the mud?"

"Oh," Ren replied, furrowing her brow. "I won't do that."

Tawny waited for an answer to her question.

"I'm, er, we… we can ease into this," Ren finally said. "I mean, I don't want you telling anyone or anything. I'm not… ready for that. Ok? We can take it slowly."

Tawny smiled. "But we _are _taking it?"

Ren smiled, Tawny looked so happy. "Yes, we are."

"Thank God," Tawny sighed, leaning back against her seat. "This friends thing was killing me."

"Hey, I'm not a bad friend," Ren retorted.

"I'm sure you aren't, but that wouldn't make a difference to me right now."

"Ok, well," Ren glanced at her watch. "The bell is going to ring soon. So we should be going."

Tawny nodded and threw her sandwich wrapper in the trash.

They headed across the street just as the bell rang and a mob of students formed at the doors filing into the building.

In the midst of the crowd Ren reached for Tawny's hand, giving it a quick, tight squeeze. Tawny didn't look back at her, but she smiled.

Inside they separated, Ren headed downstairs, and Tawny went up.

Twitty caught up to her in the stairwell. "Tawny, I need to talk to you."

"We have class," she replied. "And if this is about Louis…"

"It's not. Well, he's part of it. But it's not what you think."

"What?"

"Come on," he grabbed her and dragged her through the doors to the dark, empty auditorium.

"What is it, Twitty? Is everything ok?" Unlike Louis, Twitty only ever did this sort of thing when there truly was a pressing matter.

"I saw you," he said flatly.

"What are you--"

"You and Ren… in the deli. She kissed you. Like _kissed_ you."

For a minute, Tawny didn't know what to say. If he saw, then he saw. She couldn't deny it. What excuse could there possibly be for Ren kissing her?

When she didn't answer, Twitty did for her. "Ren is the someone else? She's… a she!"

Tawny took a seat in one of the small, foldout wooden chairs. "Please don't say anything."

"What? Louis is my best friend!" Twitty exclaimed.

"I know, just hear me out on this, Twitty," she said, gesturing for him to take a seat beside her.

She then proceeded to explain everything, from the blind-date to dumping Louis to the kiss in the deli. "I know it sucks for Louis, but it's over between us anyway, Twitty. Even if there wasn't this thing with Ren. Louis and I might have stayed together for a couple more weeks, but it would've ended again. It always does. And always for the same reasons."

"And you… you really like Ren? And she likes you? Like _that_?"

"Yeah, I do. And I think she does. And like that."

He sighed, taking it all in. "_I_ liked Ren. A lot."

"Really?" Tawny asked, smiling a little. "Did Louis know that?"

"No, I was worried he'd flip and I figured she'd never give me the time of day anyway," he explained. "Now I know for sure she'd never have given me the time of day."

Tawny laughed a little.

"But this is still wrong, going behind Louis' back… I mean, he's her brother!"

"I know, Twitty," Tawny nodded. "But please, she's finally giving me a shot. She's been holding off just because of Louis and now we're going to see if this works. If it does, we'll tell him. If it doesn't, we'll probably never mention it."

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think it's going to work out?"

Tawny paused, thinking. She thought about that moment on the beach when Ren grabbed her and kissed her. It had felt so right, like nothing she'd ever felt before. "Yeah, I think it will work."

Twitty sighed.

"But only if we get a fair chance, and that means you can't tell Louis or anyone else, Twitty. Please," she begged. "I've never asked you for anything and I've always been there when you needed me. This is the one thing I need you to do. And I will never ask you for anything again. I mean, we're not like you and Louis but we're good friends too."

He hesitated a moment. "Alright, just don't keep this a secret for too long. I don't like lying to him. But I understand where you're coming from and I know he isn't being fair to you at all. His intentions are good though."

"They always are," Tawny said. "Well, almost always."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"Ruby!" Ren called to her in the hallway, just before they got to class. They had English together that period.

"What?"

Ren pulled her aside, out of earshot from the other kids filing into the classroom. "I did it."

"Did what?"

"Tawny and I… we're…"

"Together?" Ruby squealed.

"Shh!" Ren hushed her, but was unable to contain her own excitement. "But yeah. Yeah, we are."

"What's all the fuss about?" Louis suddenly appeared at their side.

"N-nothing," Ren stuttered, freezing up.

Louis was startled by his sister's response, he'd never seen her react that way. And to such a harmless question.

"She just did really well on a test," Ruby covered, rolling her eyes for the added effect. "You know how she is."

"Oh," he laughed. "Well, congrats, but what's new, huh?"

He strolled down the hall and headed up the nearest stairwell.

"You live with him, so you're going to see him," Ruby said. "So you can't act like this."

"I know," Ren murmured.

"Just keep in mind, Ren, that the sooner you get this out in the open, the better."

The two of them headed into the classroom just as the bell rang.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **So, I had some brief writer's block there—trying to figure out where to take this story now. But I've got something a-brewin' in me mind. However, first I need to get the 'in/out' issue resolved. It's not meant to be the main focus of this fic but it seems to be becoming just that. So I need to take care of that before I can move on to something new, and that'll take a couple chapters probably, so please bear with me. Damn, I finally go to update and it won't let me log in, what are the odds? Oh well, here it is, two days later than it could've been, but longer than the usual chaps-- to make up for last time being shorter.

**Chapter Twelve**

"Hey," Ren jovially greeted her mother as she entered in the kitchen.

"Hi," Eileen replied, eyeing her daughter with a little suspicion. "Why are you so happy?"

Ren shrugged. "Just a good day. A great day."

"Really? What happened?"

"Just stuff, just a good day," Ren said, grinning ear to ear, with no intention of eliciting any more information.

"A boy?" Her mother pressed with a sly grin. "What's his name?"

Ren frowned, but only a second, nothing could keep her down right now.

Luckily, Louis called down just then to announce that Ren's phone was ringing, thus stopping her mother from any more inquiries.

Ren rushed upstairs, hoping and half-expecting it to be Tawny, completely forgetting that Tawny didn't have her number. She was slightly disappointed to hear Ruby on the other end of the line.

"So, give me the details already!"

Ren explained, not that there was really much to tell. "It just sort of happened."

"Well, what are you going to do? Technically, you guys have already gone on a date. But this is different now."

"Yeah, I know," Ren agreed. "I'm just trying to think of something…special."

"Like?"

"I don't know… I mean, at first I thought just 'dinner and a movie', you know? Something simple. But that's so…"

"Boring. The structure is suitable—dinner and then an activity. But not a movie, that's too… generic. Plus, nothing good is playing."

"Right, so, where do I take her? Movies are generally a good date thing, you know. They serve as a barrier to communication and if I don't have to talk, I won't make a fool out of myself."

"Whatever," Ruby laughed. "What about a concert? I have tickets to Good Charlotte; I'd be willing to sell them to you cheap."

"No way am I sitting through an hour and a half of Good Charlotte, it's bad enough hearing Louis blast them every other day—and when it isn't them it's Simple. If I took her to a concert it would be mandatory that worthwhile music was played."

"What if Tawny loves Good Charlotte?"

"She doesn't. She hates them more than I do. Same with Simple Plan."

"Oh, a match made in heaven then," Ruby joked. "Well, I don't know what to tell you."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"She told me she'd pick me up around 6 tonight," Tawny explained to Twitty and Amy both as they sat around the lunch table. "She didn't tell me where we're going though, so I'm not sure what I should wear…"

"Just wear something you know she'll like," Amy said. "Something that will turn her on."

"I've got to say, this is a little weird," Twitty chimed in. "I mean, we're talking about Ren Stevens here. You, Tawny, want to wear something hot for Ren Stevens."

"Yes, I do," Tawny laughed. "Oh! I know exactly what I'll wear… or at least half of it. I have a skirt that I know she likes."

"Ooh, the black one? You do look pretty good in that one," Twitty sighed. "I even look at you a little differently when you wear it."

Tawny smiled and gave him a playful shove.

"What? It's true," Twitty said.

"I think I know the skirt you're talking about," Amy nodded.

Tawny rolled her eyes. "Anyway, she's probably just planning on dinner and a movie, right? That would make sense if she's picking me up at 6, the movie starts at 7:45 or 8… and is over between 9:30-10. So she'd have me home by 10. She probably would do that."

"Your parents are in or out this weekend?" Twitty asked.

"Out," Tawny smiled. "But I don't know how _in_ Ren is just yet, so I wouldn't count on any action."

"Oh, I think she's pretty in," Amy said with a grin.

"We've only technically been… together for a couple days and have hardly had the chance to even speak to each other. This is our first real date. How fast do you think Ren is?"

"I guess you're right," Twitty sighed. "What about you? You're pretty fast. What if she decides to go for it since she knows you'll be willing?"

"Then lucky me," Tawny smiled. "I'll be thoroughly surprised if that's the case though."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Ren took a deep breath before raising her fist and knocking on Tawny's front door.

She wasn't quite sure how she felt about her choice of events—a play. Similar enough to a movie, but not the same. And Tawny liked plays. And it gave her a good alibi. She'd actually gone to Louis to ask about whether or not Tawny had seen it, had said that she's won tickets and wanted to go but none of her friends were interested, but she knew Tawny was into that sort of thing. He believed her without hesitation. He didn't know if she'd seen it or not for sure though. It was Shakespeare's _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. Louis said Tawny hadn't seen that much Shakespeare but talked about it quite a bit. He said he usually didn't listen though. She'd seen _Romeo and Juliet_, _Macbeth_, and _Hamlet_ for certain, according to him. Hopefully she hadn't seen this one yet. Hopefully she wanted to.

"Hey," Tawny answered the door with a smile, in the black skirt that made it nearly impossible for Ren to breathe, let alone think.

And so accordingly, Ren fumbled to find the right words, struggling to pull her eyes up from the skirt to Tawny's face.

"I see my evil plan is working," Tawny joked, closing the door behind her.

Ren laughed a little, still trying to say something. She swallowed hard. "Uh, sha, ther… car."

Tawny laughed, and stepped past Ren, heading to the car.

Ren followed, internally cursing herself for being a bumbling idiot.

Tawny managed to draw some conversation out of Ren once they were driving—with her eyes fixed on the road, Ren was able to speak.

"So, where are we going?"

"Uh, I," she coughed, clearing her throat. "I'm taking you to Giovanni's, downtown."

"Ooh, Italian," Tawny nodded in approval. "You know, I'm really craving Italian right now too. And I've never been there."

"Good," Ren smiled. "It's new then."

"And are we doing anything else?"

"Why? Do you have plans? Do I need to have you back by a certain time? Like 7 or 8? Because I can, I didn't realize you had other--"

"No, I don't have other plans," Tawny interrupted, amused at how nervous Ren was about everything. "Why would I make other plans on the night of our first real date? Why would I make other plans when I have a date ever?"

"I don't know," Ren mumbled, embarrassed enough as is. "Afterwards, I was planning on going to see a play."

"Really?" Tawny sounded genuinely excited. "Which play?"

"_A Midsummer Night's Dream_," Ren answered, still hoping she hadn't seen it.

"I've always wanted to see that one—it's my favorite of Shakespeare's comedies by far. I've read it a dozen times but I've never had the chance to see it."

"Honestly?" Ren asked, a huge swell of relief passing through her.

"Yeah," Tawny nodded.

"Thank God, I was worried I'd pick something that you either hated or already had seen…"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, since it's only the first date, I'd have lied and said I loved it no matter what."

Ren nodded with a grin that quickly turned into a frown. "Wait, so how do I know you aren't doing that now?"

"I regretted saying that the second the words left my lips," Tawny said, shaking her head.

They pulled into the Giovanni's parking lot and made their way inside. The restaurant was packed, several groups waiting to be seated.

Ren made her way forward to the hostess.

"Do you have a reservation?"

"Yes, under Ren Stevens, for two," Ren explained.

The woman checked a piece of paper in front of her. "I'm sorry, I don't see you here."

"What?" Of all the things she'd been worried would happen, this hadn't been one of them. "I called two days ago and made a reservation for 6:30 on Friday-- today. It's 6:25 now. I even called yesterday to confirm. Check again."

The woman checked a second time, and even a third. "I'm sorry. I'll go back and check our computer. It may be there."

Tawny leaned close to Ren. "We can go somewhere else."

Ren didn't look at her. "It should be in the computer. I made the reservation. I was talking to a guy, his name was Larry, and he said…Larry."

Tawny frowned. "Beale works here?"

"We have to go," Ren said, grabbing Tawny by the wrist and leading her out of the restaurant.

"I knew he worked here, I knew it," Ren said, upset. "I forgot. God…"

"It's ok," Tawny reassured. "Let's just go somewhere else."

"You said you wanted Italian," Ren said as they headed back to the car.

"I could eat anything," Tawny said. More upset that this had happened simply because she knew how much it upset Ren than the fact that it'd happened at all.

Ren pulled out of the parking lot. "It's Friday night, all the nicer places are probably going to have really long waits. And the play starts at 8."

"So let's just get a burger or something," Tawny shrugged.

"A burger?" Ren asked, her dislike for the idea apparent.

"Well, it doesn't have to be McDonald's," Tawny tried.

"Oh, right, fancy… like Burger King," Ren retorted.

"Well, I was thinking more like Dairy Queen," Tawny replied.

Ren laughed a little.

"Seriously, Ren, let's just go to a burger joint, something simple."

"No, I have an idea," she drove a little ways out of the city, back in the direction of their homes, and pulled into a supermarket parking lot.

"Ok, well, honestly, I don't think a few food samples are going to cut it," Tawny said.

"Just wait here," Ren ran inside and reemerged about five minutes later with a paper bag.

"What did you get?"

"Noodles, things, what's the fastest way to your house?"

"Uh, well, if you take 8th up to--"

"No, that's not it. This way," Ren turned down another road and made her way, trying to stay at the speed limit but going over from time to time in spite of herself.

"Ok, you're right," Tawny said as they pulled into her driveway. It was almost 7.

"Alright, we have about 45 minutes before we have to leave," Ren said as she headed toward the door with her bag.

Tawny unlocked the door and let them in.

Ren hurried to the kitchen and Tawny hovered near her. "Ok, so what are we doing? Do you need me to make something? Because I'm a horrible cook. I can bake pretty well though."

"No, no, you sit over there," Ren gestured toward the bar. "Just tell me where your pots and stuff are. I need a pot and a pan, and something to stir with."

"Ok," Tawny replied, taking a seat on the designated stool and instructing Ren.

Ren boiled a pot of water and then took some spaghetti noodles out of her bag.

"I love spaghetti," Tawny said.

"Yeah, you love everything because it's the first date and you don't want to crush me."

"I never should've said anything," Tawny grumbled, reflecting on her earlier comments.

"I make pretty good spaghetti but I don't have time to make the sauce from scratch so we're relying on Paul Newman tonight—ok? This is the fastest Italian I can provide."

"When do you, the always-occupied Ren Stevens, have time to cook?"

"I took home ec in 8th grade and I did horrible. I got an A-."

"Seriously? I always though kids were joking when they said A-'s upset you…"

Ren ignored her, smiling to herself, and pressed on. "Anyway, I promised myself I'd be a better cook. Because, I was awful—the only reason I pulled of the A- was because of all the non-cooking stuff. Like sewing, filling out forms, etc. I did fine at all that. But I'm Ren Stevens, right? I can't be horrible at anything. So I worked on it. I'm not great or anything. It's good you're a vegetarian, this would take longer if meat was involved—it would taste better too."

Tawny smiled.

A little over twenty minutes later, Ren declared her meal ready and asked for the plates.

Tawny had set the table, despite Ren's insistence that she do everything since she was supposed to be providing this evening (a detail of the date she'd simply decided herself, though Tawny would've been more than happy to split anything or even treat)/

They finally sat down to eat, Ren noting that it was 7:26. "We have about 15 minutes."

Tawny nodded, spinning her fork in the noodles and raising the first bite to her mouth.

Ren waited a moment, to see Tawny's reaction.

"What?" Tawny asked, after swallowing. "It's great. I love it… you know, like everything tonight."

Ren smiled and took a bite herself. She shrugged. "Not bad."

"It's good," Tawny reassured.

"I just wish we had more time to talk, this is so rushed…"

"I know, but we talked while you were cooking and we still have after the play. We could go for dessert maybe? Maybe just ice cream? We have time."

Soon the time was up and they were out the door, rushing to the theater. The play lasted 2 and a half hours—during most of which Ren's attention was focused on Tawny. Was she enjoying it? Should she try and hold her hand? Maybe put her arm around her? They were in public… but they _were_ also in the dark. She _had_ kissed her in broad daylight in the deli earlier that week. Why in the hell did the reservation have to fall through?—oh right, Larry. Why did he have to work there? Why did she forget? Oh, well… so much for a perfect evening. No, there was still time. The play was going well. Tawny seemed to be enjoying it. So should she make a move of some sort?

Before she ever decided what to do, the play came to its end, and lights came on. The audience clapped and cheered.

"That was pretty good," Tawny said, leaning closer. "They had a good Puck. That's probably the most important thing in this play."

Ren nodded dumbly, not really hearing her, too enveloped in the coconut smell of her hair.

Tawny enjoyed the play enough that it was all she talked about for the next hour, stopping only to order an ice cream, she discussed all aspects of the play: the performance, the set, the props, the delivery, the time… everything. At the end of it all, just as they pulled into her driveway, she asked Ren what she thought about it overall.

Ren's answer was simple: "It was pretty good."

Tawny laughed, very aware then that she'd spent the last hour talking about it with someone who wasn't quite the drama freak she was. "I'm sorry. I'll stop."

"No, no," Ren insisted. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"And you did?" Tawny asked, seeking clarification. "I hope it wasn't too painful for you."

"No, not at all," Ren said. "I liked it."

Tawny nodded, glancing at the clock: 11:45. "So this is goodnight then?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Ren replied.

A few awkward moments of silence crept by, during which Tawny managed to discreetly slip a couple breath mints into her mouth before speaking up. "Ok, well, I had a great time. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Ren responded, hesitating a brief moment before leaning across the car and kissing Tawny.

Tawny broke off the kiss. "You could come inside for a little bit," she suggested, finding herself a little breathless.

"Ok," Ren hesitated a moment, but agreed.

They headed inside, where they found themselves immersed in more awkward silence. Tawny led the way into the living room, Ren following her. Once there she turned to face Ren, smiling a little, trying to ease the tension.

She stepped forward, taking Ren's head in her hands and pulling her face down to her own, where she stopped a minute, looking into Ren's dark brown eyes, and then kissing her. Ren's hands made their way to the small of Tawny's back, as they moved over to the sofa.

Once there, Ren pressed Tawny down against the cushions, positioning herself on top, and moving her lips over Tawny's neck, sliding her hand up the thigh, just barely under the skirt, and experiencing all the thrill she'd imagined it would ignite. Not quite ready to go further than that, Ren slowly pulled her hand back, hesitating when Tawny let out a quiet moan, and moved up to the younger girl's breast, and nibbling on her ear. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute as Tawny moved her hands over her body, slipping them under her shirt, and then moving to unbutton the shirt altogether.

The motion proved a little too much for Ren, who pulled back suddenly, turning away.

"What?" Tawny sat up. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, no, yes," Ren stammered. "It's late… I should go."

Tawny, perceptive enough to see that things had simply moved a little faster than Ren was comfortable with, simply nodded. "Alright."

She walked Ren to the door. "Goodnight." She leaned up and gave Ren a brief kiss.

Ren responded by pulling her in for a longer one before letting go and quickly slipping out the door.

Once it was closed Tawny leaned back against the door and let out a long sigh. Damn, that girl is really going to work me.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews! And sorry for the wait before the last update, but there may be some long waits ahead. I don't know. Hopefully I can find time to update semi-regularly, but who knows? Of course, reviews always enhance the chances of updates, they do more than anything. Anyway, here's a new chapter at least.

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Seriously, Ren," Ruby sighed as she sat her lunch tray down beside her friend's. "You and Tawny have been together for over a month now. You need to tell Louis—I think it's apparent you've, you know, hit it off."

"I know," Ren groaned. "I'm just not sure how to do it."

"I can't believe Tawny's let you get away with this for so long," Ruby shook her head,

"She harasses me about it more than you do," Ren said.

"Well, she should be," Ruby grinned. "So… this might seem kind of awkward but, have you guys, like… you know?"

"Ruby!" Ren gasped. "Why—why would I tell you that?"

"Don't be such a prude, it's the 21st century for God's sake."

"It's still none of your business," Ren replied.

"Yes, it is, I'm your best friend. You might not even be with Tawny if it wasn't for me."

"You always take too much credit," Ren mumbled, though she felt Ruby deserved as much as she took in this case.

"So, no dirt?"

"No, we haven't really done anything, Ruby," Ren confided.

"Really?" Ruby was genuinely surprised.

"Not every one is as fast as you," Ren answered, a little offended by her friend's shock.

"But Tawny is, if not faster," Ruby replied.

Ren swallowed a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

"But you're holding her back, aren't you? Ren, come on, Tawny has experience. Lots of experience—you're very lucky."

"I'm lucky, she's not," Ren muttered.

"What? Oh come on, Tawny probably doesn't expect you to know all the ropes," Ruby explained. "She knows you're a virgin, right? If you haven't told her so, I'm sure she just figures you are."

Ren glared. "She probably expects me to know _something_."

"Well, read a book, surf the web, there's plenty of ways to get an idea."

"I'm not going to look at porn for this," Ren scoffed.

"Well, then just go for it, Ren," Ruby pressed. "Honestly, it's not that hard. And what's the worst that could happen? Tawny laughing at you if you do something wrong?"

Ren worriedly looked over at her friend. "I hadn't even thought of that!"

"She won't, Ren," Ruby insisted. "I was kidding."

"But you don't know. I could humiliate myself. I'm very good at that."

"Ren…" Ruby groaned, but knowing she'd made a mistake, decided to return to the previous subject. "You still need to come out. At least to your parents and Louis."

Ren nodded.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"Hey, Tawny," Louis cornered her by her locker. "I have a surprise for you."

He'd laid on the 'get-back-with-me' effort very strong the past few weeks, and Tawny was reluctant to respond.

"Come here," he grabbed her arm and lead her into a nearby classroom—the same one they'd gotten together for the last time in, a couple months before.

And as it so happened, he tried the same move, going in for a fast kiss.

Tawny shoved her text book up, blocking his face. It was the second time in their long and varied relationship she'd been forced to employ the maneuver. "Louis!"

"What, you're afraid your temporary lover-boy, will see? So what? This is what's right anyway."

"Louis, stop it," Tawny snapped. "I'm not interested. And all this harassment is only making me less and less likely to ever be interested again—and that's saying a lot because I already don't see us ever happening again. Not ever. How much clearer do I need to make it? This is not tentative. It's final. It's absolute. We are over. I'm with Ren now. And I'm happier with her than I ever was with you because she--"

"Ren?" Louis cut her off, bewildered.

Tawny's eyes widened when she realized how much information she'd divulged. "No, no, I didn't mean…"

"My sister? You are with my sister now, Tawny?"

She searched for a way out, but it was a telling enough slip up. No point in lying to him now. "Yes, we've been seeing each other for almost a month and a half."

"A month and a half? So you guys hooked up, like, right after you dumped me? Did you dump me for her? For my sister?" he raised his voice.

"Louis, I'd have broken it off with you no matter what, there's nothing here anymore."

"Were you seeing her when we were still together?"

"No, I mean, we were set up, on a blind date, the same day we got together."

"You went on a blind date when you were my girlfriend?"

"I was told there was someone who'd be perfect for me, and so I agreed. _Then_ you asked me out. And I made the mistake of agreeing to another go at that. I decided to still go on the date because I figured it wouldn't be anything. I just wanted to see who it was."

"And it was Ren?"

"We really hit it off. But she wouldn't go out with me because of you, and us. And it took me awhile to convince her to give me a chance and now she is."

"She has been, for a month and a half," he grumbled.

"But Louis, if you don't… if you're really not ok with this, she will break it off with me. And that's… that's not fair. I know this hasn't been fair to you, but it'll be way more unfair to us if you…"

"Well, I'm not ok with it, Tawny!" he growled. "You're with my sister now! Not even my brother! My sister!"

"Louis--"

"Forget it," he stormed out of the room, the slam of the door punctuating the moment.

"Fuck," Tawny groaned.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"I'm going to tell them today," Ren declared as she and Ruby walked to her car in the parking lot after school. "They're both home right now. I'm going to tell them."

"Good! And Louis?" Ruby asked.

"Him too, I guess. But I think them first. I'm more nervous about telling him."

"Right, makes sense," Ruby nodded. "Maybe you and Tawny should tell him together. Or have her do it."

"He's my brother, I have to do it."

"But maybe with Tawny it'll be easier."

"Maybe."

After dropping Ruby off, Ren headed home. Rehearsing what to say as she drove, she became more and more confident that everything would be fine. Her parents loved her, and they'd love her still after.

When she got home, they were both sitting at the bar in the kitchen, enjoying an afternoon snack.

"Hey, honey," Eileen greeted her daughter as she entered the kitchen to join them.

"Hey, mom, dad," Ren stood across the counter from them.

Just then the front door slammed and a second later Louis angrily stormed into the kitchen.

All three of them looked at him, but his glare said he didn't want to talk.

Ren hesitated a moment, a little taken aback by her brother's uncharacteristic rage, but she'd resolved to do this and she was going to follow through. "Ok, so this, um, might come as a surprise, might not…but I have… some news, I'm, well…"

"A dyke!" Louis snapped. "She's a fucking dyke and so is my ex-girlfriend. They've been dating behind my back for a month and it's fucking sick!"

"Louis!" Eileen snapped. "Do not use that language in this house!"

Ren stood, eyes wide and mouth agape, shell-shocked.

"Is it true, though?" Steve asked. "Is that what you were going to tell us, Ren?"

She was a minute finding her words. "Kind of… not exactly like that though."

"So, you're a… lesbian?" her father asked, seeking clarification.

"Um," Ren hesitated, her expression wounded, as if the word had somehow hurt her. "Maybe. I don't know. I…" she thought of Tawny, of how she felt with her, of how she'd never felt even close to that with any of her boyfriends. "Yes. Yes, I am."

"Fag," Louis sneered. "And Tawny!"

"Louis, go upstairs. You and Tawny have been seeing each other?" Eileen asked.

"Yes," Ren answered, slowly regaining her confidence, as her brother left, charging upstairs in an angry huff.

Eileen reached her hand across the bar and rested it on top of her daughter's. "Ok, honey, you know I love you no matter what, but Tawny is…she and Louis have…"

"I know, I didn't do this on purpose," Ren explained. "It just sort of happened. I didn't even want to pursue it because of Louis but…" she went on to explain the entire story to her parents.

As expected, they understood.

But clearly Louis did not. And at her mother's insistence, Ren went upstairs to try and talk to him.

She knocked lightly on the door. "Louis?"

"Go away!" he yelled.

She paused a minute, but decided to abide by his request. She'd try again later. She retreated to her own bedroom and shut the door. She sat down on her bed and dialed Tawny's cell.

"Hey," Tawny answered, already certain of what the call was about.

"How did Louis find out?"

"He was trying to get back together with me again, and I was mad at him because I'm sick of it and I was yelling that we were over and I said that I was with you now. It just slipped out, I didn't mean for it to--"

"He didn't take it very well."

"No, he didn't," Tawny agreed.

After a fairly long pause, Ren spoke. "My parents did."

"They… you told them?" Tawny couldn't hide the joy in her voice.

Ren smiled. "Yeah, well, I was in the process when Louis barged in and delivered the message in much more profane terms."

"Really?" Tawny's voice was quiet.

"He's really not ok with this, Tawny," Ren said, her voice foreboding.

"Please tell me you aren't going to… end this now. Just because of this."

"I don't know, Tawny, he's…"

"Give him a few days, he may cool down. Maybe Twitty can talk to him."

"Twitty knows?"

"Yeah, I didn't tell you? He saw you kiss me in the deli way back when."

"Oh," Ren nodded. Well, they were in public, did she think they'd been invisible?

"Give him a little time," Tawny restated. "Don't throw this away yet."

"Alright," Ren agreed, unable to refuse Tawny's plea.

"Ok," the relief in Tawny's voice was clear.

"Can I come over tonight?"

"Tonight? It's Thursday."

"So?"

"So of course you can come. I was just surprised you wanted to since it's, you know, it's a school night. And my parents are home."

"I'll come after they're in bed. Leave your window unlocked."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Good news: I have figured out where I'm taking this fic. It will be awhile before the end comes, and I'm thinking there's going to be a stretch of chapters that will function, more or less, as individual episodes (or these 'episodes' may take a couple chaps each, who knows…we'll see when we get there). In any case, it's going to be a longer fic than I intended, so I hope I can maintain your interests long enough to make it there. (I'm not planning a 100+ chapter epic or anything, just to clarify… I don't know how long it'll be… like I said, we will see). But I have it outlined now (rather vague outlines though—the full summary of this very chapter is "Let's talk about sex, baby")… so anyway, I've set my course. Anyway, this is a little short, but hey, sometimes it be that way…

**Chapter Fourteen**

In spite of herself, Tawny had one thing on her mind: sex.

She sat up in her bed, in the dark of her room, anxiously awaiting Ren's late-night arrival. As she turned her thoughts over and over in her brain, trying to figure out why Ren wanted to come over tonight, out of the blue, and the only thing she could think of was that maybe Ren was finally ready for some action. Anything else could've waited until the next day…right?

Her parents went to bed at 11, Ren knew that. She'd stayed over late enough to know. But she never did anything like this… sneaking in through the window after the parents had gone down for the night. It was quite un-Ren, as far as Tawny could see.

12:01. Ren had yet to show up. Tawny had figured in 11:30 or so, considering that it was a school night and this was Ren, even if she was stretching the mold a little bit it seemed unlikely she'd want to stay out too late.

By the time the clock struck 1:30, Tawny had laid down, angry with Ren for getting her hopes up and then not even calling. By 2 she was asleep.

It was around 3 when Ren slid the window up and crawled into Tawny's dark room, making her way slowly over to the bed she knelt down beside it, folding her arms against the mattress and resting her chin in them. The moonlight shone through the opened window, illuminating Tawny's sleeping figure.

"Hey, beautiful," Ren whispered, well aware that Tawny couldn't hear through the barrier of sleep.

Several moments passed, Ren just silently watching Tawny sleep—watching her breast move gently up and down with each breath, watching every little movement, studying every line that formed her perfect features.

Tawny's eyes opened slowly, revealing a dark figure less than a foot from her face. Without thought of hesitation she screamed, shoving herself backwards, away from the intruder, causing herself to fall off her bed.

"It's just me!" Ren whispered hoarsely, jumping up and gesturing for Tawny to lower her voice.

"Oh my God," Tawny gasped, holding her hand over her heart. "You scared the--"

Suddenly a light went on in the hall and footsteps came thundering toward the room.

The door swung open, Ren dropping out of sight behind the bed just in time.

"Is everything ok?" Tawny's father, Dr. Dean, asked, his face and voice full of worry.

"Ye-yeah… I, it was just a bad dream," Tawny managed.

He nodded, relieved. "Why is your window open?" He began to move towards it, to shut it.

"No, it's too hot… leave it open."

"Hot? It's November, Tawny," he stated.

"I know, but… I'm…hot."

"Alright," he shrugged. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

He retreated from the room, closing the door behind him. A few seconds later they heard a click and saw from the cracks around the door that the hall light was off. The moment finished with the sound of Dr. Dean shutting his bedroom door.

Tawny turned to Ren. "My God, you creep, what the hell was that?"

"I told you I was coming over tonight," Ren said, smiling as she took a seat beside Tawny on the bed.

"You were just sitting there!"

"I was watching you," Ren corrected.

"Oh, ok, well _that_ doesn't sound creepy," Tawny replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh, honey, shut up," Ren said, leaning over and planting a kiss on Tawny's soft lips.

"It's 3 in the morning," Tawny said when Ren pulled away. "I figured you'd blown me off."

"I'd never do that," Ren said, tilting her head to the side, offended Tawny would think such a thing.

Tawny smiled and leaned over, kissing Ren again, this time a little harder. "So, what'd you want to come over for?"

"I just…" Ren hesitated, she could tell by Tawny's voice where her thoughts were. "I wanted to see you."

"In the dark?"

"Well, you know… I wanted to talk, hang out… I haven't had a chance to spend any time with you these past couple of days."

"Oh," Tawny failed to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I know what you thought," Ren said, a little hurt by Tawny's disappointment.

"No, it's…" Tawny, not wanting to seem so base tried to cover. "It's 3 in the morning. It's an unusual time to just hang out, especially for you."

"Should I go?" Ren asked, not really sure if she wanted to be there anymore anyway.

"No, no," Tawny answered. "Stay, I'm sorry. I don't mean to…"

"I don't even know what to do, Tawny," Ren confessed, cutting her off. "And even if I did… I don't know if. I mean, I know you don't really hesitate in this department but I…"

"No, Ren, it's completely ok," Tawny reassured. "I just… I mean, yeah, that's kind of what I thought you wanted, coming over like this. And, don't get me wrong, I'd love it if that were the case, but I can wait. It's not a problem. I understand. I don't want you doing anything just because you think it's what I want you to do."

Ren nodded, though she stared down at her hands: she wasn't sure if she believed her fast girlfriend entirely. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You don't have anything to be sorry about, Ren," Tawny said, trying her best to sound convincing since she sensed that Ren didn't fully by her assertion. "And as far as 'not knowing what to do'… no one does at first. You just mess around. See what works."

"How do you know what works?"

"I... you'll know. Trust me," Tawny said with a smile. "Relax, baby, I'm sure you'll do fine."

Ren sighed. "Whatever you say."

After a few moments of silence, Tawny spoke. "So, you really just wanted to hang out? Nothing in particular you wanted to talk about?"

"Initially, yes. I just wanted to spend some time with you. When I realized what you'd be thinking I anticipated this conversation."

"Right, well," Tawny brushed a lock of hair out of Ren's face. "You going to stay the whole night?"

"It's a school night," Ren replied.

"Exactly," Tawny nodded. "You walked here, right? Well, it's too late for you to walk back—it wasn't safe for you to walk in the first place—and I'm closer to the school anyway. You've told me that half the time you're up and out of the house before either of your parents and I know you're out before Louis gets up. So no one will know."

Ren smiled, unable to refuse Tawny's invitation. She took off her shoes, socks, and jacket and climbed into bed with Tawny, wrapping an arm around her perfect body, resting her hand on the small of her back. Tawny moved as close to Ren as she could manage, giving her a light kiss on the cheek before she rested her head on the pillow and closed her eyes again. Ren leaned her head to the side so that her chin rested gently against Tawny's forehead. She kissed her lightly. "Goodnight, beautiful."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Ok, so I have had this chapter and the next ready for a few days now but I only had one review for the last chapter. I'm accustomed to at least 3-4, so frankly, from this point on, I'm not posting new stuff until I get a couple more reviews. Especially when I get the chaps ready ahead of time, reviews (detailed ones anyway) help because then I can make any necessary changes before posting. So, from this point on, I want it known that I will only post after at least 3 reviews per chapter. Unless, I have an uncontrollable urge to post-- like now, I personally am quite pleased with this chapter and so I'm going to post it anyway. Usually this won't be the case. Sometimes I mgiht even hold out for more than 3 reviews, but I think that's a fair request in general. I was going to shoot for 5 since I believe there are at least 5 people reading this story. But anyway, The episode chapters begin now… there'll only be a few of them I think. I consider them necessary for what I'm trying to accomplish in this fic in terms of the whole story. And by the way, I have no idea what the major Sacramento newspaper is called so just roll with me, k?

**Chapter Fifteen**

"What's taking her so long?" Tawny asked no one in particular, but received an answer anyway.

"She's putting the finishing touches on an essay… finishing touches always take awhile for her," Eileen Stevens laughed. "Half the time she ends up rewriting the whole thing."

Tawny smiled. "She would."

It was early evening on a Sunday and they were planning on going to a movie, Tawny had spent the last half hour sitting in the kitchen with Steve and Eileen. Ren insisted that Tawny stay down there because she said she'd be a 'distraction'. Tawny had smiled at the title, choosing to find it flattering. Louis appeared briefly a couple of times to glare and throw as many mean remarks her way as he could before his mother shut him up with an icy look.

"Do your parents still have as many conferences and conventions and whatnot as they used to? I mean, I haven't talked to your dad in a few years now…" Steve Stevens asked as he sipped a cup of coffee.

"They have more than ever," Tawny replied. "In fact, they're not even going to be in town for Thanksgiving this year."

"What?" Steve looked amazed.

"It's not a big deal. Vegetarian Thanksgiving really isn't the same…"

"Nonsense, you'll come over and have dinner with us," Eileen chimed in.

"I, uh…" Tawny hesitated.

Ren entered the room just then.

"Ren! We're going to have Tawny over for dinner on Thanksgiving! So you can introduce her to the rest of the family. Oh, she has to bring a dish though. Assign her something, Ren." Steve was mighty pleased with himself as he gave his wife a peck on the cheek and headed out the door. "I'll be back in a few with the grub!"

"Introduce her…" Ren's voice trailed off. "You mean like…"

"Oh, don't worry… I'm sure he won't make it an announcement or anything, Ren," Eileen explained. "Now, Tawny, the dinner is already covered. So how about you make a pie?"

"You're sure?" Ren asked, clearly not buying it.

"Well, no, I'm not sure. Your dad is pretty out there sometimes. He can get a little too enthusiastic and I know that but, come on, it'll be fun. Besides, Tawny said her parents are going to be out of town on the holiday. She needs somewhere to go."

"Well, of course she can come. I just… don't want to have to announce… it's not really important for everyone to… I mean," she stumbled, her mother's eyes were saying 'whatever, dear, I'm sure it'll all be fine' and Tawny's were, with fierce accusation, saying 'why is it such a big deal if you do have to tell? How are you planning on introducing me? As just a friend?' She sighed, shrugging her shoulders, defeated. "Whatever. Let's go, Tawny."

Tawny opted not to press the matter, though she was bothered by it. She'd see how things played out come the holiday before getting angry. "So, what's your favorite pie?"

* * *

When the day arrived, Tawny showed up with a homemade apple pie—a particularly wicked pie, as far as she was concerned. But Ren's dad had been adamant in his request for a dish and apparently it was Ren's favorite. 

Louis answered the door. "Oh, hey, traitor." He slammed it back in her face.

"Louis!" she heard Ren' muffled voice snapping at her brother on the other side of the door. Seconds later she opened it. "Sorry."

"Don't be, he'll grow out of it sooner or later. I'm just glad you grew out of caring about his side of the story."

"I didn't stop _caring_ about it. I just decided not to let it affect my decisions."

"Whatever," Tawny rolled her eyes. "I'm just relieved. Here."

"Looks good," Ren said, inhaling the sweet smells or apple and cinnamon, and the vanilla wake Tawny left as she entered the house.

"Well, it better taste decent. This is the fourth one I made and you won't believe what I went through."

"Fourth?"

"Yes, you'll love this-- it's horribly pathetic," Tawny laughed. "I was going to make it last night, but I spilled the entire thing when I went to put it in the over. So I stayed up late and remade it. And I fell asleep while it was in the over and it burned. So this morning I tried again. I was exhausted and was up at 6 trying this, but I was reading the paper as I cooked—"

"Reading the paper? I thought you didn't read the paper? I thought it wasn't creative enough for you."

"Well, I gave it a shot after your spiel about the necessity of journalism and the significance of the news media in American blah blah blah… you're interrupting my story."

"Sorry, I'm just surprised. And pleased with myself. Continue."

"So I was going to stick it in the over and then hop in the shower. So I did. Just shoved it in, checked the clock and bolted upstairs," Tawny shook her head. "Well, some of your precious newspaper got folded under the edge of the crust of my pie. I didn't notice it…"

"How did it get in your pie? And how did you not notice?"

"I was tired!"

"Sorry…"

"Anyway, my pie caught fire."

"Seriously?"

"The whole thing went up in flames. And I was getting ready to get in the shower, and not only was their newspaper in the pie crust, there was some wedged in the side of the oven. So that caught fire too. It was touching a hand towel, so that's gone. And half a cabinet door. And all of that burned _before_ the damn smoke alarm went off! My neighbors called the fire department and they burst into my house. And I ran downstairs naked, and there was all this smoke. And there were firemen everywhere… it was ridiculous. I was totally humiliated. And naked!"

"And yet you still tried a fourth time?"

"Well, yeah! In case your dad makes any announcement about me I can have something to win your family over with. I can say I made the pie and I almost died doing it, so you Stevens better damn well eat it and like it."

"That's how you win people over?" Ren crossed her arms, smiling.

Tawny shrugged. "Whatever. It better be damn good, is all I can say. It better be worth it."

"I'm sure it will be… as long as you kept the Sacramento Times out of it."

"Shut up," Tawny grinned, giving Ren a quick kiss on the cheek before heading into the kitchen.

After all the aunts and uncles and grandparents had arrived and the mingling had commenced, Ren found herself noticing every eye that so much as glanced in her direction. She'd managed to keep a reasonable distance from Tawny so that no one could assume they were more than friends, and so that Tawny didn't realize what Ren was doing. They sat next to each other during dinner, but that meant nothing. Louis was on the other side of Tawny, by chance. Maybe they even thought Tawny was here for him… and Louis thankfully seemed to be holding his tongue. He had an ample opportunity to spill the beans when they underwent the ritual of going round the table and speaking of new developments in their lives. Instead, he told of his latest scheme on the principal—much to the delight of their dad's brother Chuck. Tawny could've shared then too, but since Ren didn't she withheld and simply announced that she'd won some awards for an art piece she entered in a local competition.

"Hey," Tawny appeared beside Ren just then, snapping out of her strategizing.

"Oh, hi," Ren said, smiling and turning to face Tawny, stepping back as she did so.

"You think I can't tell what you're doing?" Tawny asked, her face unreadable. Ren couldn't tell is she was angry or just disappointed.

"What are you talking about?" Ren responded dumbly.

Tawny just rolled her eyes and shook her head. She started to walk away when Ren's grandmother stopped her. "So, you're Ren's little girlfriend, I hear?"

"Um," Tawny hesitated, giving Ren a quick sideways glance. She appeared pretty startled. "Yes."

"I'm Eileen's mother, Maureen," she held out her hand. "I have to ask, though if I'm right this must be an awkward subject, didn't you used to date Louis?"

Tawny laughed, a little uncomfortably. "Yeah, I did. I hadn't quite figured things out then."

"Well, any Stevens is a good choice!" Eileen cheered as she joined them.

"Ren, dear," her grandmother turned to her. "Why didn't you tell us at the dinner table? I remember how eagerly you announced your relationship with that boy a couple years ago, what was his name? Deaver…Bobby Deaver, right?"

"Oh," Ren swallowed. "I… it just…"

"I'm more embarrassing than Bobby Deaver, though I can actually construct whole sentences," Tawny interjected, her tone light yet laced with anger.

"Embarrassing?" Maureen asked, raising and eyebrow at her granddaughter. "Nonsense. What, were you worried it would be a little too modern for us older folks?"

"No, I'm not embarrassed," Ren replied. "I just didn't…"

"Well, then you're being ridiculous. You've snagged a lovely young lady here, and she's quick too! Nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I'm _not_ embarrassed," Ren maintained.

Her grandma gave her a look that said she didn't believe her. She smiled at Tawny. "You, my dear, have the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen."

"Thank you," Tawny smiled.

"She's taken, mom," Eileen said, jokingly.

"Haha, yes," Maureen leaned close to Tawny and started to whisper.

Ren glanced at her mother; both of them were lost as to what Eileen's mother could possibly be whispering into Tawny's ear.

Tawny smiled and nodded when Maureen pulled away.

Eileen and Maureen made there way off to mingle with other relatives.

"What was that about?" Ren asked, stepping a little closer to Tawny.

Tawny turned to Ren and gave her an irritated look. "You eagerly announce that you and Bobby Deaver are an item, but when we get together, your Thanksgiving announcement is that you've finished filling out all your college applications? I mean, if you were announcing that you'd been accepted somewhere I could see a shared billing maybe, but just filling out the application? That's bigger news? Really?"

"Tawny…" Ren started, her eyes fixed on the floor.

"Dessert!" Steve called. "We have a cobbler made by my lovely wife. Two pumpkin pies from my sister Louise, a cheesecake from Eileen's mother Maureen, and an apple pie from Ren's girlfriend Tawny."

There were several mumbles and glances in their direction after that as people filed in line to take their dessert. It may have been unwarranted paranoia before, but this time it was clear what everyone was talking about.

"If you were a guy, they wouldn't be doing that," Ren said, still looking at the floor.

"So what?"

Ren shook her head. "I'm not embarrassed, Tawny. This just makes me feel like… like I'm the juiciest gossip in a supermarket magazine."

"Personally, I'd rather read an article about us than about you applying for college."

"Well," Ren took a deep sigh. "So what did my grandma say to you?"

Tawny smiled, reflecting on the words Maureen had whispered in her ear minutes before:

_Ren's going to be difficult for a while, I think. She's a complicated girl, and has never been particularly masterful in the romance department. Everything else she can do perfectly, but this is her weak spot. But if you stick with her, it'll pay off I'm sure. She'll learn. You have to be patient with anyone in this family. They're all very stubborn, but they always bend eventually. Be patient and persistent, that's the trick. It'll all work out. And when it seems like she isn't trying as hard as you, just believe that she is. Know that she is. I can tell you mean something to her by the way she looks at you._

"She just told me to go easy on you for being so clueless," Tawny answered.

"What?" Ren replied. "I'm not clueless."

"Like you're _not_ embarrassed?" Tawny asked, raising her eyebrow.

"I'm not!" Ren asserted.

"You're not?" Tawny crossed her arms.

"No," Ren answered in all seriousness.

"Prove it," Tawny said, stepping closer to her.

"Prove it?" Ren repeated.

"Yes," Tawny replied. "Prove it."

Ren stared at her a moment, chewing her lower lip. Then she stepped closer to Tawny, bent down and kissed her—nothing too passionate, as her whole family was right there and neither Ren nor Tawny were much for extreme PDA. When she pulled away, she forced herself to keep her eyes on Tawny and not check to see if any of her relatives had even paid attention.

"I was thinking you'd hold my hand, but that definitely works," Tawny said, smiling ear-to-ear.

"Well, honey, when I need to get a point across, I like to do it quickly and efficiently," Ren clarified, slipping her arm around Tawny's waist and leading her into the kitchen for dessert.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **Shorty here, barely a thousand words…Nothing really happens here, but I wanted to post it nonetheless. Little things are significant methinks…Thanks for the reviews! I'll try and have the next chapter more eventful than this one, but hey, it's not all about the action, right? And, by the way, I refuse to accept the fact that Tawny once called Louis 'cutey-pants', that was uncalled for and out-of-character, as far as I'm concerned. Seriously, though, who says that?

**Chapter Sixteen**

"So, Tawny, I've got a question," Twitty asked as he sat down beside Tawny, who was dining alone in the deli across the street.

"Yeah?"

"Do you and Ren, like, do stuff?"

"Do we 'do stuff'?"

"Yeah, you know, like, _stuff_…"

"Oh my God, Twitty," she groaned, taking a bite from her sandwich.

"What? I'm just asking. I mean, you guys have been together for 2 months, right? Since October sometime, right? It's December now. The only other person you've had a relationship with for this long was Louis and that doesn't even really count because half the time when you two were together it was exactly the same as when you weren't. You just kissed once in awhile. But Ren…do you know her as well as you know Louis?"

"She's harder to get to know than Louis, actually," Tawny confessed.

"But you know basics, right?"

"Why are you so interested?"

"You never let Louis use any kind of pet name with you, I mean, he got away with it once or twice, but usually you made him stop," Twitty explained. "But I've noticed that Ren calls you 'honey' all the time."

"She doesn't do it all the time," Tawny countered, blushing a little.

"So, the point is you let her. Or does she just not listen when you complain?"

"I don't know, Twitty," she shrugged. "I guess it just doesn't bother me when she does it."

"How? You said it was lame and cheesy, how can that change?"

"It is lame and cheesy but…it's also sweet coming from her. I don't know, Twitty, it's just different. I actually… I like it when she calls me that," Tawny admitted with a grin.

Twitty smiled. "You've got it bad then."

Tawny laughed. "Yeah, I think I do."

"But do you feel like you know Ren? I mean, really know her? Or do you feel like she's putting on a front?"

"Twitty, is Louis making you do this?"

"No, I'm just asking… you know how when you first get with someone you try and make sure everything is perfect so sometimes you lie or bend the truth or whatever… I'm just curious if you feel like it's all honest with Ren. I've never seen you… you know, the way you are with her. It's just different, like you said."

"Hey," Ren greeted them both as she took a seat beside Tawny. "I figured you'd be here."

"Because you think you know her really well right?" Twitty asked.

"What?"

"What do you know about Tawny? Just tell me, list things off."

"List things that I know about Tawny?" Ren repeated.

"Yes," Twitty nodded.

"Why?"

"My God, why are you guys so difficult?" Twitty asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Ok, ok," Ren said. "Calm down. Um," she shrugged. "I know she likes tea and doesn't drink coffee."

"And Ren drinks coffee, and doesn't really like tea, but that's only because she hasn't tried black spice chai yet," Tawny said.

Ren laughed. "She's vegetarian just because she doesn't like meat. She thinks the 'animal rights' argument for being vegetarian is ridiculous and insulting to nature."

"Ren agrees with me, but that's because she eats meat."

"Um, she loves Radiohead and keeps trying to get me to listen to them, she refuses to listen to Jeff Buckley until I do."

"I don't know why you're being so difficult about that…"

"I told you, I did listen, and I thought it was good, just not really my taste," Ren explained.

"You lie. You put _Ok Computer_ on in the background and hardly paid attention. You need to pay attention to appreciate it properly."

"She likes to take pictures of people when they ask her not to," Ren continued.

"Just you," Tawny corrected.

"She's very stubborn," Ren said.

Tawny nearly spit out her drink. "_I'm_ stubborn?"

"She doesn't like to admit when she's wrong," Ren continued, smiling.

"You're mixing us up now, baby," Tawny said as she set her glass down.

Twitty looked at her with a curious smile. "Ahem, did you just call her 'baby'? It's one thing for you to tolerate her using a cutsey name with you, but you do it too now?"

"She doesn't do it all the time, she just slips it in there every once in awhile," Ren explained, a broad smile covering her face. "It's one of those things she won't admit to liking."

"No, I just…"

"Sometimes she even calls me 'muffin'…" Ren continued.

Twitty's eyes went wide.

"I do not!" Tawny snapped.

"No, she doesn't," Ren laughed. "Just joking. Calm down, honey, it's nothing to get worked up over."

"Yeah, honey," Twitty chuckled.

Tawny glared at him.

Ren slipped her arm over Tawny's shoulder and pulled Tawny's head closer to hers. "Why do you get so defensive about these things? Don't want me to ruin your image?"

"No," Tawny replied gruffly, but didn't give further explanation.

Ren kissed her on the forehead, then turned to Twitty. "See? Stubborn."

She got up then. "I've go to go, I have to help plan the winter sports pep assembly at the end of the week."

"Oh, hey, are you on varsity this year?" Twitty asked.

"Yeah," Ren answered. "I was last year, but this year I'm a starter."

"Wait, what?" Tawny asked. "You play basketball?"

"Yeah," Ren nodded. "Remember I had tryouts a few weeks ago?"

Tawny shook her head. "I… basketball? You? Really?"

"Yeah, I've played all through high school. My dad insisted I try a sport because he figured that, being a Stevens other than Louis, I'd excel and with my grades and everything else, a sport would make me irresistible to the Ivy League. Donny had me try a bunch of different things and decided that since I'm pretty tall, basketball was a good one for me. He helped me get ready before he left for school. I was on varsity last year, and am again this year."

Tawny stared at her, still not quite believing. "How the hell do you have time for a sport?"

"I manage," Ren shrugged.

Tawny leaned back against the booth. "I'm dating a jock."

Twitty laughed. "And you didn't even know it."

"You _really_ didn't pay much attention to me before," Ren said, giving Tawny not one, but two quick kisses on the lips. "Later," Ren paused before adding: "honey."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"I have no idea what to get Tawny for Christmas," Ren said as soon as Ruby picked up the phone.

"Hey, Ren," Ruby answered through a yawn. "It's 3 in the morning, why are you even up?"

"I just came from Tawny's."

"Ooh," That perked her attention.

"Nothing happened, it was just the usual, I swear you want it to happen more than either of us," Ren mumbled.

"I'm sure that's not true," Ruby replied, wanting to say 'you know Tawny wants it bad, you're being such a baby, making her wait this long'.

"What should I get her?"

"She's _your_ girlfriend, Ren. You know her a lot better than I do." Though it's possible you're very oblivious to her desires, Ruby thought.

"That doesn't help me."

"Well, it's the truth," Ruby responded, a little annoyed. "You know, Christmas is in, like, 3 days. This is pretty last-minute, especially for you. And I thought you gave up Christmas a couple years ago. I thought you were only doing Hanukkah?"

"But Tawny's family does Christmas so I'm getting her a Christmas present. I've been racking my brain all month and I have no clue what to get her…"

"Is she supposed to get you a Christmas present or a Hanukkah present?"

"Ruby!"

"You guys should just do a New Year's gift exchange, eliminate the whole problem."

"That doesn't eliminate the problem because that isn't the problem. The problem is--"

"You don't know what to get her, I know," Ruby groaned.

"Well," Ren pressed.

"Can't you call me in the morning? Around noon?"

"Ruby, this is an emergency!"

Ruby sighed. "What's something you know she wants?"

"If I could think of that, why would I be asking you?"

"Well, I don't know, Ren. It's 3 in the morning!" Ruby barked. "Ok, ok, um… just think of something that has something to do with something you did together. That she'll get too. You know? Like back when I was dating Dexter, our first date was to the first Lord of the Rings movie and for our first holiday together he got me a gold ring like the one in the movie and it was engraved to look like the Elvish except it said 'I love you'…"

Ren was silent. Ruby was so much more of a geek than she let on to the average person.

"I know you think that's totally lame, but it was sweet," Ruby defended herself against the silent attack.

"Yes, he gave you a fake version of an evil ring, it was foreboding is what it was," Ren scoffed. She'd never liked Dexter.

"Well, anyway," Ruby sought a subject change. "What's something you and Tawny have done together that you both had a lot of fun with?"

"I don't know, we haven't done that much. I mean, most of the time when we hang out it's late at night, in her room. I'm so busy during the day, it's the only time I have for her. And the few dates we've been on were pretty… just dinner and that sort of thing."

"Think hard, Ren," Ruby said. "Since I'm sure you aren't willing to give her what she really want."

"I have been thinking hard," Ren claimed. "And what she really… that's… what you…"

"I know, I know," Ruby cut her off. "So think harder."

* * *

"What should I get Ren? And is it supposed to be a Hanukkah present or a Christmas present? She doesn't do Christmas anymore, and I don't even believe in it. But I'm not Jewish, so can I give a Hanukkah present?" Tawny had the decency to wait until daylight to consult Twitty and Amy. The three of them met up in front of the school since Amy, as well as Ren and Ruby, were all on the leadership council and consequently all working on a fundraiser and canned food drive. Most of it had been done during school, but a few last minute arrangements were being made and they'd been among the 7 or 8 volunteers to come in during their winter break to finish things up.

"I don't know," Amy replied, as she waved Twitty over. "She's not _that_ observant though, is she? So I doubt she'll care one way or the other."

Tawny sighed. "Probably not, but still. I don't want to seem…ignorant."

"But you _are_ ignorant in this."

Tawny rolled her eyes. "If you have to be technical. But really, what should I get her?"

"Do you have anything in mind at all?" Twitty asked as he joined them on the bench in front of the school.

"I'm going to give her a copy of Edgar Allen Poe's _Tales of Mystery and Imagination_ because I've talked with her about it a lot and I want her to read it, but I need something else too. Something that's--"

"Less creepy?" Twitty guessed.

Less unromantic?" Amy ventured.

Tawny rolled her eyes again, then sighed. "Yeah, pretty much. Something less me and more Ren."

"Do you guys have any plans?" Twitty asked. "Like a date or something where you're going to do this little exchange? Which, by the way, I think you're making way too big a deal out of."

"That's because you're a guy," Amy said. "You don't understand these things."

"Is that why you won't do me?" He grinned.

"Yes," Amy smiled. "That's the reason."

"You guys, seriously… what should I do?"

"Well, do you have plans?" Twitty repeated. "Plans with your star basketball player?"

Tawny glared at him "It's not that funny, I don't know why you're bringing it up."

"What?" Amy asked, feeling out of the loop.

"Tawny didn't know Ren was a jock," Twitty laughed.

Amy looked at her. "Really? She's played all through high school..."

"I know!" Tawny cut her off. "Can we stay on topic here? You asked if we had plans, well, she said something about taking me out."

"So, is Ren like, the guy in the relationship?" Twitty asked. "Like, in bed, she'd be on top?"

"There are plenty of guys who don't like to be on top," Tawny responded. "And I really don't know how Ren likes it. And no, she's not 'the guy'."

"Then you're 'the guy'?"

"No, we're both girls," she stated flatly.

"Well, technically, yeah," Twitty shook his head. "But you know what I mean."

"I don't have an answer for you."

"I think Ren will want to be on top," Amy said. "She's quite domineering."

"Maybe," Tawny shrugged, hoping for a subject change.

"What about you?" Twitty asked. "Do you like to be on top or below? Do you guys even do it like that?"

Tawny rolled her eyes and sighed deeply in frustration.

"You can," Amy answered him. "The real question is will Ren be much of a giver or will she only receive well?"

"Maybe she won't even do that..." Twitty speculated.

"Ha, no, I doubt it," Amy grinned. "Tawny's got quite the reputation."

"Really?" Twitty raised and eyebrow and turned to face his irate blue-eyed friend.

"Oh my God, please," Tawny groaned. "How did we even get here?"

"You're just mad because you haven't gotten any from her yet. Maybe that's what she'll give you for Christmas," Amy replied, grinning slyly.

Tawny half-smiled. "I really don't want to sound shallow, but you have no idea how happy that'd make me."

"You guys have only been together for, what, 2 or 3 months? There's plenty of people who don't have sex for a long time."

"But not me," Tawny said. "I've never had to wait this long."

"Wait, you and Louis were together for longer than three months before, weren't you?"

"I never slept with Louis," Tawny responded.

"Why not?" Twitty asked.

"I honestly never wanted him like that," she shrugged. "I just didn't."

"But Ren you do?"

"Yes!" she groaned, clenching her hair in her hands. "I told her I could wait as long as she wanted, and I'm sure I can, and I will. But…my God why is she doing this to me?"

"Tawny," Amy started. "She's just not ready yet. Come on."

"No, I know, I totally understand, I do," Tawny nodded. "It's just frustrating. Really frustrating."

"I know, honey, but you're going to have to deal," Amy said.

"And I can't relate, you know? I just… I don't see what the big deal is. And, I mean, I had to wait for her to agree to even date me, and then I had to wait for her to come out, and I have to wait for this… I'm tired of _always_ waiting for her. "

Suddenly they heard a loud clang and a quick, dull thud. "Ow, my foot!"

All three of them turned around to find Ren and Ruby and an aluminum trash can on the ground.

"Oh my gosh, Ren, are you ok?" Ruby asked, squeezing her own toes as a little blood trickled out.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Ren mumbled, her eyes brimming with tears and her hand pressed against an oozing gash on her forehead. She hurriedly got to her feet and rushed into the school.

"What happened?" Twitty asked, helping Ruby to her feet.

"I came out and saw Ren walking over to you guys and then stopping and standing a few feet behind so I came to see what was going on and when I got close she turned around suddenly, and ran into me. She stepped on my toe and fell into me and the there was a garbage can behind us and we fell over that… I think she hit her head on the cement."

"Ooh" Twitty sucked his breath in. "That's painful."

Ruby nodded. "She's probably getting ice."

"Oh my God, was she listening to us?" Amy asked, looking over at Tawny.

"Damn it," Tawny groaned.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **There's nothing better than checking my email and finding 4 reviews--all decent length ones too! So, here's a speedy update for y'all! Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Eighteen**

"I can't believe you would say that!" Ruby snapped, her angry eyes fixed on Tawny.

"I didn't know she was there, and besides, she told me that you harass her about it all the time!"

"So? I'm not her girlfriend. I've always given her a hard time about it! You… you're the last person she wants to hear this from!"

Tawny shook her head and got to her feet. "I'm going to go talk to her."

"No," Ruby stepped in front of Tawny. "I'll go talk to her. You've done enough damage already."

"I want to talk to her," Tawny pressed, pushing Ruby out of the way.

"You think she wants that right now?" Ruby asked. "Not that it will change your mind seeing as how what she wants it low on your priority list." As Ruby said this she recalled the similar words she'd spoken to Ren over the phone early that morning. These two weren't stellar in the communication department, that was certain.

Tawny glared at Ruby but headed into the school nevertheless. Ren couldn't be allowed too much time to take this in, if she did she'd make up her mind as to what it meant and she'd probably be wrong, but her decision would be definite and it'd be very hard to sway her afterwards.

Ruby burst in the doors behind Tawny. "Tawny, seriously!"

"Stay out of this, Ruby," Tawny growled as she headed into the office, but the nurse's office was locked and Ren was no where to be seen. Where would she have gone then?

"Just let me talk to her first, Tawny," Ruby said, her tone gentler.

"Ruby, I need to do it, it's us… you have nothing to do with it," Tawny replied, hurrying away.

She stuck her head into the teacher's lounge, but Ren wasn't there either. Tawny headed over to a counter along the far wall and opened a drawer, pulling out a zip-lock bag. She then headed back toward the door and stopped by the ice machine and filled the bag. She left the room then, trying to figure out where Ren would go. An idea hit her then and she headed to the gym, and then down into the locker room. It would make sense for there to be ice there and since Ren was a jock, maybe that's what she'd think of. Tawny had only been into the locker room once, on her first day of freshman year, when she presented the PE teacher with her very exaggerated documentation of severe asthma to get out of taking the course.

Her theory proved correct and she found Ren sitting at the end of a bench, hunched over, a water bottle half wrapped in a paper towel pressed against her forehead.

Tawny moved quietly over to her side, startling her a little. "Ren?"

Ren shifted a little, but didn't say anything.

Tawny sat down and held out the ice bag. "Here."

Ren looked up a little, then took the bag. She dropped the water bottle and the blood-soaked paper towel.

"Ren," she started, not quite sure what to say since she wasn't sure about all of what Ren had heard. "I didn't…I said I could wait, and I can. I will. It really isn't a problem. I just…"

"Yes, it's a problem," Ren said, her voice almost hostile, her eyes fixed on the ground. "You're tired of it. Tired of waiting for me to get over it. Tired of waiting for me to be what you want me to be, what I'm not."

"What?"

"I'm never going to be good at _this_," Ren said, shifting a little so her voice was clearer for Tawny. "Relationships… Every boyfriend I ever had cheated on me. The only one who didn't dumped me so he'd be free for his summer on the east coast. I never gave any of them what they wanted."

"It's not like that, Ren," Tawny said. "Not at all."

Ren half laughed, a sardonic and mournful laugh. "It's exactly like that. You… this isn't how you do things. This isn't you. And what you want isn't me."

"I can wait," Tawny stated. "I mean, you're right that it's not how I usually do things. And I… I do really want this. But I understand where you're coming from. I can wait."

"I don't know how long you'll be waiting for," Ren mumbled. "I don't know if I trust you enough to--"

"Why don't you trust me?" Tawny asked, surprised. "I've never--"

"I don't know if I trust you to wait, to not find someone else to satisfy you on the side. Since I don't offer any satisfaction."

"Ren," Tawny protested. Ren was usually such a confident person, even if she didn't know how to do something she always had the 'I'll just learn it' attitude. It made Tawny quite uncomfortable hearing Ren so defeated.

"And I don't… why are you talking about this with Amy and Twitty? It's none of their business."

"They're my best friends," Tawny explained. "Don't you talk with Ruby about these sorts of things?"

"No, she always tries to get these details out of me but I don't tell her," Ren replied. "I mean, I tell her some things. But not… I don't talk with her about…I told her we hadn't done anything, but if we had I wouldn't have said anything. And if you had... a problem or something I wouldn't be talking about it with her. I wouldn't talk about it with anybody but you."

"Well, I usually do," Tawny stated. "But if I'd known you didn't want me to I wouldn't have. You never said--"

"That I wanted our business to stay ours? It's a private thing, Tawny, I thought it was just known."

"A lot of people talk about--"

"Well, I don't."

"But I didn't know that," Tawny restated. " I won't do it again. And I'm not going to cheat on you."

Ren shook her head. "I really wanted this to work, Tawny, but…"

"But?" Tawny interrupted. "Ren, it's working fine. I am going to wait. Why is it such a problem that… that I want you?"

Ren sighed, and finally sat up straight and looked at Tawny.

The cut was a little less than an inch long and was right above her right eye and didn't look too deep, though it had bled like hell and was still trickling a little red. A dark bruise had already begun to form around it. Her eyes were red and her expression so wounded it made Tawny feel like she'd kicked a puppy.

"I'm going to go home," she said, getting to her feet.

"Ren, wait," Tawny protested. "We…we should talk about this."

"I don't want to talk," she set the ice on the bench and started to walk away.

"I'm sorry, Ren," Tawny said. "I'm sorry. But you… we have to talk about these things."

"You want to talk about things? You want to tell me some of it, and then tell Amy and Twitty how you really feel?" The anger was evident in her voice.

"I didn't lie to you," Tawny said. "I didn't tell them something different."

"I thought you were ok with waiting, but you aren't--"

"Yes I am!"

"No, you aren't. If you were than you wouldn't be so frustrated with me. You wouldn't be tired of dealing with me."

"You're not… you're twisting my words and you aren't hearing me out," Tawny said, moving to stand in front of Ren. "I wish I didn't have to wait, but I can deal."

"I don't want to be something you 'have to deal with'. I don't want to be a problem you have…"

"That's not what I mean."

"Tawny," Ren groaned, gently trying to move the shorter girl aside.

"Hey," Tawny said, lowering her voice and taking Ren's face in her hands. "I will wait for you if you let me."

"If I _let_…" Ren's voice trailed off. She was staring down at their feet, resting her forehead against Tawny's, a little crooked so as not to press against her bruise.

"Please, Ren? Sometimes I get frustrated but most of the time I'm fine with it. Honest. So please?" Tawny pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper. "Hmm? Baby?"

The slightest half-smile made its way onto Ren's lips and she looked up into Tawny's concerned blue eyes. After a long silence, Ren finally spoke: "Will you let me call you 'muffin'?"

Tawny was startled. "Well, I…um… I guess if… if you really want…"

"I'm kidding, I'd never call you that. Makes even me gag," Ren said, almost laughing at how uncomfortable the moment had made Tawny.

"Thank God," Tawny grinned, her relief apparent. "I was going to say yes just because of the situation."

"I know, I should've run with it for a little longer but it looked so painful," Ren smiled.

"Ha, yeah, well, speaking of pain: how's your head?" Tawny asked, taking both of Ren's hands in her own.

"Throbbing," Ren answered.

"You should ice it some more," Tawny said, gesturing toward the half-melted ice pack on the bench behind them.

Ren nodded, but didn't move. She looked at Tawny. "Are you sure you're… are you really ok with…?"

"Yeah, Ren," Tawny replied, nodding. "I'm completely ok with it. Sometimes I get a little aggravated but I'm generally fine with it. It's not a problem."

"And the Amy-Twitty version?"

"Is the same."

Ren didn't look like she really believed her.

Tawny leaned into her, slipping her arms around her thin waist. "You can trust me."

Ren wrapped her arms around Tawny's shoulders, hugging her tightly against her. "Well, of course you're going to say that."

Tawny smiled, moving up to kiss Ren, when Ruby barged in. Startled, they quickly separated.

"Listen, Ren," Ruby began, her voice louder than usual and her hand gestures in full employment. "Tawny screwed up. She said something she shouldn't have, but I know she doesn't mean it. You really should forgive her because I know sometimes you can really overreact and are very stubborn, but she's perfect for you and so you really should give her a second chance. I mean, don't just blow the whole thing off because of one little incident that really was meaningless because she didn't even mean what she said."

"That's the longest breath I've ever witnessed," Tawny stated, crossing her arms, truly amazed.

"We sorted things out, Ruby," Ren said. "And you really killed the moment."

"The mom—oh…sorry…" She glanced between the two of them and hurried out of the room.

"So, we're ok?" Tawny asked, slipping her arms back around Ren, though from behind this time.

"If you're really ok, then yeah, I guess we are," Ren said.

"Well, good then," Tawny replied. "So, am I supposed to get you a Hanukkah present or a Christmas present?"


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **My timeline might be a little off in this fic, but I'm saying it was early October when Ren and Tawny start dating. It's quite possible that may be inconsistent with what I wrote back in the earlier chapters, but I couldn't be bothered to find the date and really it's not that important. So, early October it is.

**Chapter Nineteen **

It was New Year's Day and Tawny was trying to fend off a traditional Ruby interrogation as she waited for Ren to arrive at her house.

"We were going to go out, but I think we're just going to stay in. My parents are gone again anyway. The weather is awful. I'm not even _that_ comfortable with Ren driving over here as is," Tawny explained as she sat patiently in a hallway window overlooking the snow-covered driveway, the phone held between her cheek and shoulder as she tried to think of something to write on Ren's card. In spite of herself she wanted to write something special.

"Uh huh, well, Ren apparently is quite pleased with her gift for you, she wouldn't tell me what it is though. She said I'd probably tell you and she wanted it to be a surprise. What did you get her?"

"A book," Tawny mumbled. "I couldn't think of anything. She says he got me something good? Really? Damn it."

Ruby didn't even listen, despite having asked the question. "Ok, well, more importantly, she won't give me any _dirt_ on you guys so I thought I'd go to you," Ruby explained.

"After what happened last time? My lips are sealed, Ruby. Sorry."

"No, I just… has she told you why she is so set on waiting? I mean, it's not like she wants to do a whole 'wait until marriage' type thing, right? Because you can't get married. She knows that too, right?"

"I'm sure it's not that, but no, she's not particularly open to talking about this. I think she's just nervous but I'm already saying more than I should."

"So she gets to censor you?" Ruby hoped the wording would anger Tawny, get her to say something useful.

"No," Tawny kept calm, well aware of Ruby's intentions. "This is just a touchy subject with her right now and I can respect that. You should try to. God, she almost broke up with me last time, Ruby. She's…she has some real issues in the relationship area."

"It's just because she's had bad luck, cheaters and morons, she's not very trusting in this area, but she'll come around," Ruby explained. "She _really_ likes you. I mean it, I've never seen her this way about anyone else. So I know she's trying. Even if she refuses to fill me in on _anything_…" The annoyance in Ruby's voice was clear. "But as for the sex thing, I'm sure she's just nervous… she's probably more frustrated with herslelf than you are. And actually, you're going to hate me for this but I made a joke awhile back about how the worst that could happen is she'd do something wrong and you'd laugh at her… Knowing her, she's still carrying that around in her head."

"Why would you—that probably added an extra month of waiting, right there. But whatever, I'm done, Ruby. Please, stop asking me because I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut about this sort of thing. I'm not used to keeping I secret and I don't even know what exactly I have to keep secret so… stop trying to get me in trouble."

"I suppose I should stick to harassing Ren… but the girl is hard to break. I'd like to know why you're so willing to put up with it… can you tell me that?"

"Because I… I don't know, I just…Oh, I've got to go. She's here," Tawny said, cutting Ruby off as she hung up.

Tawny hurried downstairs and opened the door. "You made it."

"Yeah," Ren grinned as she stepped inside. She gave Tawny a quick peck on the cheek. "So, what's the plan? Have you decided about the movie or what?"

"I think we should just stay in," Tawny explained.

"Oh, good," Ren replied, obviously relieved. "I didn't want to go back out in that."

"I was thinking maybe we could just have spaghetti," Tawny said. "We have fresh vegetables and stuff so we could make some really good sauce."

"_We_ could make it?" Ren asked, eyeing her suspiciously. "Or I could?"

"Well, it'll be better if I stay away but if you want me to help I will," she offered with a smile.

"I do," Ren said, tilting her head to the side. "Because, honey, at seventeen you should know how to make spaghetti."

"Yeah, whatever," Tawny rolled her eyes. "I'm not finished with your card yet so can I do that first? You can start without me."

"You haven't finished my card? You're going to sit there, right in front of me, and write it?"

"Well, you want it to be thoughtful? Right now it just says 'happy holidays'."

"You've had all month," Ren replied, not really angry though. "An extra few days even since we postponed this whole thing a week."

"But I haven't been able to come up with the perfect thing to say," Tawny said, shaking her head. "And to be honest my gift is pretty lame. I couldn't find anything. So the card needs to be so good you don't want to open the gift."

"That's fine. Do whatever you must," Ren smiled as she set about getting out her ingredients. "Do you have rosemary?"

"Maybe," Tawny answered, not looking up from her paper.

"Well, thanks," Ren replied sarcastically, searching through the seasonings until she found it.

Tawny watched Ren cook as she tried to come up with something to say. Tawny had never been one for long-term relationships, most of hers not making a month. Louis was the only other person she'd been in a relationship that lasted a decent length before at three months, on the dot. And it was nothing like this. It wasn't serious, in Tawny's mind. Louis and her… when they'd been 'together', not much was different from when they were just friends. They kissed once in awhile, held hands sometimes, and that was it. It was very chaste, very lacking in any real attraction, any real passion—at least from her side. Ren and her would hit the three-month mark in a few days, and Tawny felt confident they'd go much further than that.

Awhile later, the meal was ready to be served. Ren leaned over the counter across from Tawny. "Still haven't got it? That worked out well for you."

Tawny grinned. "Yeah, I had it about ten minutes ago but you were really in your element. I didn't want to disrupt."

"Wha…" Ren threw a towel at her. "And you say I can trust you."

"Well, not with food," Tawny shrugged.

Ren shook her head and served two plates and they ate. Afterwards, Ren forced Tawny to clean everything up, claiming that was her part of helping to make the meal.

Then they headed into the living room, took a seat on the couch and handed each other their gifts.

They both looked at each other as if to say: open yours first.

"At the same time," Ren said. "We'll do it at the same time."

Tawny nodded.

They both tore the paper away to reveal books.

Ren laughed. "Seriously? _Tales of Mystery and Imagination_?"

"Yeah, I wanted to get you that and something else but I never figured out what something else was… and…you got me the same thing?"

"Yeah, well, it's the first Rackham edition from 1935. I thought maybe you'd like it since--"

"Rackham? As in Arthur Rackham? First edition?—how'd you? This must've cost a fortune, Ren, I can't…where did you?"

"None of the matters," she shook her head, smiling to herself. "But, I mean, do you like it?"

"Yes, I like it! Are you kidding me?" Tawny exclaimed as she flipped through the old pages and examined the macabre illustrations. "I just wish I'd found you something like this."

"Well, that's what the card is, right?" she opened the envelope and took out a strange red card with leaves glued onto it. A homemade project of Tawny's, no doubt. She opened it and found large red letters spelling out 'HAPPY HOLIDAYS! And then a rather long paragraph, also in red, followed:

_Ren,_

_I don't really know what to say to you here so I'm going to go ahead and just write. You're standing in the kitchen right now, looking at me with your big, soft, brown eyes and I'm trying to find a way to tell you something that I don't really understand. But I feel like whatever it is, I need to learn how to say it because I've never been really serious about someone for this long before (and without any sex!) and I've never let anyone call me honey before and I've never considered going to any basketball games and I've never been so hypnotized by someone just making spaghetti. And really, those all seem pretty insignificant but they aren't to me. Because it's you… so they're all important. Because I think that maybe I am in love with you. But now you're glaring at me because I'm still not helping you make the spaghetti, and I can't help but smile, which only seems to be annoying you more. But you know it'll taste better if you do it all your way and I'd much rather just watch you so I don't know why you're so adamant about making me help. And I'm realizing there's no reason to be writing down my _entire_ stream of consciousness right now so I'll stop. You're coming over with a spoonful of sauce for me to sample anyway. See? I am helping._

_Love, Tawny _

Ren looked over at Tawny, who was reading her card, and smiled.

Ren's note was a little shorter:

_Dear Tawny, _

_I had a really hard time finding your gift and an even harder time coming up with what to say in your card. In fact, I'm supposed to be over at your place in a half an hour. And I keep trying to come up with something really elegant or profound or poetic, something that will get my message across and sound really great too. But I just want to tell you that I love you. And I want to say to you but I've tried already and when I really want to tell you I just sort of shut down. I can give speeches all day long but I can't speak when I really need to. So I've written it down instead. I love you. And don't let me throw this away because I think it could be something really great but that doesn't mean I might not opt for flight at every sign of trouble. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. Don't let me run and I won't._

_Sincerely, Ren_


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **Another short one. But then there'll be another decent length chapter coming... if you review that is. It's ready to go already, I'm just a-waitin'...

**Chapter Twenty**

"Hey," Tawny greeted Ren at her locker. "So, to clarify, I can't show anyone my New Year's card?"

"What? Why would you?"

"Because…" Tawny shrugged. "I don't know."

"Who would you show it to?"

"Amy and Twitty," Tawny answered. "It's… I want to tell someone! Just one person, you can choose who."

Ren smiled. "I don't get you sometimes."

"It's exciting!" Tawny beamed. "I'm excited."

"I can tell," Ren nodded. "It's kind of scary, seeing you like this. And it's overriding my perfect gift."

"It's not the same," Tawny shook her head. "The book is amazing, but this…" she pulled the card out of her notebook, "this is… there are no words!"

"I know, you told me all of this yesterday when you attacked me," Ren replied with a grin, shutting her locker and leaning against it.

"I hugged you! It was not an attack."

"You tackled me," Ren corrected. "You knocked me off the couch."

"You liked it and you know it," Tawny glared sarcastically.

Ren laughed.

"Hey," Ruby joined them.

Tawny looked imploringly at Ren.

"Fine, if you must," she shrugged. "But no one else."

"Look!" Tawny shoved her card in Ruby's face. "Read it, it's from Ren."

Ruby read the card. "Aww!"

"Isn't it?" Tawny took her card back. "I've been smiling for the last 24 hours straight, my mouth hurts."

"Yeah, I'd imagine, you really don't smile much," Ruby nodded with a laugh. "But Ren, I've got to ask, why on earth did you sign it 'sincerely'? Why not just 'love' like a normal person?"

"Wha—I don't know. I always sign my letters that way. It's formal."

Ruby nodded. "Uh huh, formal. This isn't a letter to the president."

Tawny laughed. "Like _he_ could even read a word that long..."

Ren brushed Ruby off with a gesture. "That's not the important part anyway."

"Yeah," Tawny agreed. "The important part is that she loves me!"

Ruby grinned. "I'm happy for you an all, Tawny, but you're kind of freaking me out."

Ren nodded. "Yeah, honey, you are a little… well, uncharacteristically happy."

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "But this is an occasion to be uncharacteristically happy."

"So, what did you give, Ren?"

"She loves me too," Ren grinned. "That's what she gave me."

"Yes, but her gift is better because it's to me," Tawny still couldn't stop smiling. "I'm just… I've never…ahh! I don't know what to say."

"Read some _Tales of Mystery and Imagination_, that'll bring you back," Ren suggested.

"Yeah," Tawny laughed. "Have you read any of that yet?"

"I read 'The Black Cat'," Ren replied. "It was creepy."

"Ok, we're not seriously going to talk about books now, are we? 'Cause if we are, I'm out of here."

"I couldn't help but overhear," Larry Beale strolled over to them. "But I need to have this repeated, just to make sure I heard correctly: Ren Stevens in love? With her little brother's ex-girlfriend?"

He spoke loudly and garnered the attention of most students in the surrounding area.

That forced the smile from Tawny's lips, but not for long.

"Yes, Larry," Ren grinned. "You heard correct." She put an arm around Tawny's middle and pulled her closer. "I'm in love with Tawny Dean."

Larry quit grinning a moment, while a few kids cheered, and other began to spread the word.

"Oh," Larry said, not quite sure what to do about it. "Ok."

"Really, Ren? That desperate?" Mandy Sanchez asked, stepping in front of Ren.

"Why? Does it bother you? Are you going to try and steal her away too?" Ren asked, her voice low as she recalled the way Mandy had stolen Bobby Deaver years before. Bobby was nothing though.

"Hell no," Tawny scoffed. "Like I'd ever give you the time of day."

"You give _me_ the time of day?" Mandy asked, oddly upset by the rejection. "You would be lucky if I even looked at you."

"Like you're looking now? Do you like what you see?" Tawny asked with a grin. "No touchy though."

"Ugh!" Mandy marched off indignantly.

Several kids laughed and a few more cheered again.

By the end of the day, the whole school had thoroughly discussed the news.

* * *

Louis was getting more attention than he ever had and he wasn't particularly thrilled about it. 

"You must be thrilled with these developments," Larry said to him, finding him alone in a stair well.

"Ha," Louis groaned. "Go away, Larry."

"Oh, you bitter?" Larry said with mock concern. "Can't blame you. I mean, your girlfriend left you for your sister. What's worse than that? They're in love! Even better, huh?"

"Their in love?" Louis asked, having never thought about them _getting_ that serious.

"So they say," Larry laughed. "Really though, how does it feel to be as lame as you? I mean, man, your girl left you for your _sister_!"

He couldn't stop laughing.

Louis got up angrily and headed up the stairs, running into Twitty once he reached the second floor.

"Hey, dude," Twitty greeted him.

"Hey," Louis glowered.

"Man, I know you've had a rough day, but…"

"Are you going to give me the whole 'let it go' speech again? Because I am _really_ not in the mood, Twitty."

Twitty shrugged. "Well, I don't know what to tell you."

"You could tell me why you're on their side."

"On their side? There's no sides here, Lou," Twitty replied. "Tawny is my friend too and she's yours as well, if you've forgotten."

"If she was really a friend she'd never have dated my sister!"

"If you were really a friend you'd see how happy she is—and how happy Ren is—and get over yourself," Twitty snapped, a little harsher than he'd meant.

Louis stared at him, angry, hurt, confused, uncertain.

"See ya," Twitty said, heading down an adjacent hallway toward his next class.

Louis continued walking down the main hallway. The bell rang, he ignored it. He had no intention of going to his next class. He turned a corner and wandered aimlessly down the English hall until he came to the empty stairwell at the end, it was closed off and rarely used by anyone.

He sat down on the steps and rubbed his temples, completely at a loss as to what he should be feeling.

"I can't, I don't skip class, Tawny," he heard Ren's voice coming from below.

He leaned over and glanced through the railing, quickly moving back. Ren and Tawny were both standing on the stairs beneath his.

"Just once," Tawny asked. "Come on."

"Just to hang out?"

"Yeah," Tawny smiled. "I want to spend time with you."

"I'll come over after practice," Ren said.

"I want to spend more time with you, I want to spend right now with you," Tawny pressed, leaning into Ren. "All the time," she whispered. "I want to spend all my time with you."

Ren said something back but Louis couldn't hear it. He heard one of them give the other a quick kiss.

"Please," Tawny begged, undoubtedly using her best puppy face. Louis knew that face, it was extremely powerful. Tawny's eyes often made it impossible to refuse her anything. But would Ren break? Would Ren Stevens skip class?

"Alright," he heard Ren concede. "Just this once though. You can't make me do it again. Promise?"

"Yeah, yeah," Tawny replied.

"No, you need to promise," Ren asserted. "Because you know you can make me do anything with that face."

"It's a good one, huh?"

"It's beautiful," Ren replied.

There was another kiss. And then he heard the double doors leading outside open and close. He rose and walked over to the window and watched Ren and Tawny walk down into the parking lot, holding hands.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: **I'd really like to know what people think of this fic vs. my previous one.

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Ren wandered around Tawny's room, waiting for her girlfriend to arrive. Tawny had numerous black and white photographs pinned to her wall above her messy desk. Ren was very tempted to organize her things, but resisted. She'd offered before and Tawny had gone off on an entire spiel about her 'ordered chaos', insisting that if Ren did clean it up she'd never be able to find anything.

The photos were mostly of people—random strangers who had no idea they'd been photographed, and friends. There were several of Ren, as Tawny often seemed to have her camera on hand and insisted on taking tons of pictures despite Ren's requests that she stop. Ren, as everyone does, hated most of the photos of her--nothing against the artist, of course, only the subject. But she found one she that she liked—it was of her and Tawny, Tawny was holding the camera out and kissing Ren on the temple.

She took a seat on Tawny's bed, her back resting against the headboard, waiting. She lifted a book off Tawny's nightstand: _Interview with the Vampire_. Strange girl, Ren thought. Ren's New Year's card was her bookmark.

Then Tawny finally arrived, shoving her door open with an exhausted sigh and throwing her bag on the floor.

"Finals didn't go well?" Ren asked.

"No, they did not," Tawny groaned. She climbed across the bed and wrapped her arms around Ren, resting her head on her shoulder. "Yours were cake, I imagine?"

"Pretty much," Ren nodded, running her fingers through Tawny's dark hair. "But I only had two."

"I had five," Tawny grumbled. "In two days."

"I know, that sucks," Ren agreed. "Which class did you not have a final for?"

"Photo," Tawny answered. "For drama we just had to do a monologue, so that wasn't hard. The other four—calculus, poly sci, physics, and English were the harder ones. Calculus and physics were cumulative exams from the last two quarters, and I'm ok at that stuff but not great or anything. English was all Shakespeare, so that was ok too I guess. I didn't really study for it though, since I focued on studying for the others. And poly sci… that's what killed me."

"Because you always skip that class?"

Tawny didn't reply.

"I could've helped you with that, you know," Ren said.

"Yeah, yeah," Tawny yawned. "Whatever. It's over now. I need to sleep."

"Ok," Ren replied. "Sleep."

"How was your game?"

"It's not until eight," Ren answered.

"Right. Good, go team," Tawny yawned again.

"Go to sleep," Ren said softly, smiling.

"I'm going to come," Tawny mumbled.

"What? To the game?" Ren asked, looking down at Tawny. "You?"

"Yeah," Tawny replied. "I said I was considering it and I've decided that I can go to at least one."

"You're not going to enjoy it," Ren shook her head.

"We'll see," Tawny whispered.

"Hey, that picture over there by your desk, the black and white one where you're kissing me… do you have any other copies of that?"

"I could make one," Tawny's voice was barely audible.

"I'd really like one," Ren nodded.

A few moments later Tawny was fast asleep. Ren just stayed there, holding her, for a couple hours, drifting off herself a few times, before she had to leave. She'd never been one for spending time just laying around-- there were always more productive things to be done. But she did it often with Tawny. For some reason, it didn't seem like a waste of time if they were together, no matter what they were doing, or weren't doing. And It was always hard to leave.

She took great care not to wake Tawny as she left, and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek before leaving. "I love you."

* * *

A couples hours after Ren left, Tawny awoke. She found a tiny note that Ren had left on her nightstand:

_You really don't have to come, Tawny. But if you're going to, it's at 8 at Lawrence._

Tawny glanced at the clock: it was 7:58. She got up and hurried into the bathroom, splashing water on her face in an effort to wake herself up. She rushed downstairs and out the door. The school was usually a twenty minute walk from her house. She ran into Ruby on the way though.

"Tawny!" Ruby flagged her down. She'd been trying to avoid the chatty girl who would undoubtedly hold her up.

"Hey, Ruby," Tawny greeted her less-than-enthusiastically.

Ruby brushed past Tawny's apparent lack of interest. "Where are you headed?"

"Um," Tawny knew that Ruby would make a huge deal of it if she knew, but telling her might be the only way to get to the game with time to actually see it. Though I still don't quite know why that matters to me, Tawny thought.

"I bet I know where you're going…" Ruby grinned after glancing at her watch. "You're going to Ren's game!"

"Uh, yeah," Tawny replied, well so much for secrecy. "And I'm already running late, so…"

"Let me give you a ride!" Ruby exclaimed. "My car is over there." She pointed across the street to the McDonalds parking lot.

"It's fine, I'll be there in a few minutes anyway and--"

Ruby ignored her, grabbing her arm and dragging her to her silver sedan.

Oddly enough, there were only ten minutes left on the clock by the time Tawny entered the gym, where she was quite off-put by all the noise and green and white. School spirit, ugh.

"These things are really fun," Ruby declared, putting an arm over Tawny's shoulder. "I don't know why you don't come more often. Ooh, look, Ren's in."

They took a seat in the bleachers a couple of rows up and watched the final minutes of the game.

"It's so loud," Tawny shouted over the crowd.

"What? You go to parties all the time, don't you?"

"I haven't in awhile but that's not the same," Tawny yelled back.

A few moments later the buzzer went off. The score was 66-48 in Lawrence's favor.

The home crowd cheered and the teams did the ritual 'good game' exchange.

"That's it?" Tawny asked, looking at Ruby.

"Well, that's the end, yeah."

"If the climax is this boring I can't imagine what the rest of it must be like."

"You sound like an English teacher."

"Where's Ren?" Tawny asked.

"Changing, probably," Ruby replied. "Come on, though. Admit it: this was fun, wasn't it? It's better to watch the whole game, but you got a taste. What did you think?"

"It was everything I thought it would be," Tawny replied.

"And that means…?"

Tawny shrugged, rising to her feet. "Where will we meet Ren?"

"Downstairs, outside the locker room," Ruby explained, leading Tawny out of the crowd.

Several minutes passed before Ren emerged from the locker room, showered and dressed. "Hey, I didn't think you came."

"Well, I was late," Tawny explained, turning her attention to Ruby. "_Very_ late."

"She was walking and I offered to give her a ride, but I got pulled over for speeding."

"Twice, by the same cop," Tawny scoffed. "Within eight blocks."

Wide-eyed, Ren turned to Ruby. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, my mom's going to flip," Ruby sighed. "Oh well."

"That's not safe, Ruby," Ren warned.

"Oh, chill," Ruby said.

Ren shook her head.

"So," Tawny changed the subject. "You played good. You ran fast, bounced the ball, and all that. You're pretty good."

Ren laughed. "You really didn't have to come. But I'm glad you did."

"Yeah, well, how glad? Do you secretly really want me to come or am I free now?"

"Oh," Ren grinned. "You're free. It was that hard for you?"

"All ten minutes of it," Tawny smiled. "No, it wasn't _that_ bad. But I think I'll pass on coming again. Unless you want me to though, because I will."

"No, no," Ren shook her head. "It's fine."

"Ok, well, I'm going to go and leave you two to do whatever it is you do together," Ruby said before she hurried upstairs to meet with other friends.

Ren took Tawny's hands in hers. "So, what do you want to do?"

"I want to go up to that place we went with Ruby back in the beginning of the year," Tawny answered. "You know, when we were doing the friends thing."

"Ah, yes," Ren nodded. "Why?"

"Because it's a clear night," Tawny said. "It'll be nice and peaceful, as opposed to the clang and clamor of this."

"True, but since when have you been so against loud places?"

"I'm not against _all_ loud places," Tawny shook her head. "Ruby already grilled me on this."

"Sorry," Ren smiled. "Alright, let's go."

* * *

There were no random astronomy geeks at Mitchell's Point this time. It was just the two of them, cuddling in the backseat of Ren's car. Ren wasn't altogether comfortable in the environment, but she was trying her best to hide it. And Tawny could tell despite Ren's efforts at keeping her cool. The black silhouttes of the trees towered against the dark blue of the glittering sky.

"Calm down," Tawny said. "Nothing's going to happen. We're the only ones up here."

"You don't know that," Ren mumbled. "There could be tons of creeps up here."

"Ok," Tawny shifted from her position next to Ren, straddling the nervous girl. "Let me take your mind off it."

Ren smiled. "Well, if you insist."

"I do," Tawny said before kissing her.

Ren moved one hand up to the side of Tawny's face and ran her fingers back through her smooth hair. The other she kept on Tawny's thigh. Tawny held herself firmly against Ren's slender body, moving her mouth from Ren's down to her neck. She slid one hand around to the small of Ren's back. After a few moments of passionate kissing, Tawny pulled away. She bit her lip. "Can I take off your shirt?"

"Uh," Ren hesitated, out of breath. "Ok."

She could see the excitement flicker in Tawny's eyes in the moonlight. "You sure?"

As if she could say no to her now... "Yes."

Tawny kissed her again, more intensely this time, and unbuttoned her shirt, sliding it back over her shoulders.

Ren focused her attention on Tawny, but felt the anxiety growing within her.

Tawny moved her hands over Ren's skin, moving her lips down again, down Ren's neck to her chest.

Ren's heart was pounding with nerves. Keep it together, she told herself. Please, don't fall apart now. This isn't a big deal.

Tawny came up, kissing her on the cheek and whispering: "I'll stop."

"Wha—what?" Ren asked, surprised. "I didn't--"

"I wasn't going to go any further, I just…I'm sorry," Tawny said, moving back to Ren's side. "Tell me to stop when you want me to, Ren. You can do that."

Ren didn't respond, but pulled her shirt back up over her shoulders. She sighed and leaned back against the seat. "I'm sorry, Tawny."

"No, it's fine," Tawny replied.

"No, it's..." Ren shook her head. "I can do this. We should just do it. Come on," she turned to face Tawny. "I want to, I do."

"You aren't ready," Tawny said, her voice soft with concern. "Don't do this just because you think I want to."

"I _know_ you want to," Ren corrected.

"Still," Tawny said. "There's no rush."

Ren sighed in frustration, hugging herself tightly as if she was cold.

Tawny brushed a lock of hair out of Ren's face and kissed her cheek. "It's ok, baby."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:** I'd like to apologize for these last few chapters being, well, a bit jerky. They don't flow particularly well into one-another, but that's because of the episode approach. Generally, they are meant to be isolated events. But now we're going to start getting back into the normal flow of things, though a couple time-jumps are still in order. Now then, time for some drama, no?

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

"Do you have any plans for Valentine's?" Tawny asked, taking a seat across from Ren in the office.

"Plans? Um, nothing concrete, no," Ren responded. "I was thinking we'd do something special, I just hadn't come up with anything. Why? Do you have something in mind?"

"I was thinking we could just go to Ruby's party," Tawny shrugged.

"A party?" Ren asked, the disappointment in her voice apparent.

"I know you were probably thinking something more… I don't know, intimate, but I think it'd be fun. I haven't been to a party in months and Amy's helping out—she throws good ones You know. You've been," Tawny explained. "Besides, Valentine's Day is…I don't know, I think it's lame."

"Lame?" Ren repeated. "It's romantic."

"Not really though," Tawny shook her head. "It's like 'here's a day where you have to be romantic'. So people aren't doing it because they want to they're just doing it because it's 'what you have to do'. You know?"

"So, you don't want to do anything?" Ren asked.

"I want to go to the party," Tawny corrected. What's the point of doing something intimate when it wasn't even going to get _really_ intimate?

"Well, if that's what you want to do…" Ren conceded.

Tawny could tell she wasn't happy about it; she obviously didn't want to go to the party. "We'll have fun, Ren. We never do anything with other people."

Ren nodded, and focused her attention on the computer in front of her. "I have to work."

Tawny nodded and got to her feet. "Later."

* * *

"I'm glad you're so excited about my party," Ruby quipped sarcastically. 

"Ruby, it's nothing personal," Ren mumbled. "But it's Valentine's Day… I wanted to do something more romantic than just going to a big party."

"It's going to be huge!"

"Yeah, whatever," Ren shrugged.

"You and Tawny do stuff that's just the two of you all the time," Ruby said. "So what if you don't for once?"

"But it's Valentine's," Ren countered.

"Which Tawny thinks is unromantic anyway," Ruby responded. "Right?"

"Yeah," Ren sighed. "It's a day to celebrate love. How is that unromantic?"

"I think she just means it's more romantic for you to do something, you know, out-of-the-blue, rather than on a designated date when everyone else is doing the same thing."

Ren shrugged. "I was looking forward to it."

"Did you tell her that?"

"Well, no, but…"

"You guys are impossible!" Ruby threw her hands in the air, getting to her feet. "Well, then it's your fault so get over it."

"Ruby…"

"Ooh! Were you planning on finally… you know?" she clasped her hands together in excitement.

"What? No, I haven't _planned_ that."

"Oh," her shoulders sagged.

"If Tawny finds Valentine's so unromantic that'd be the worst day for me to go for that."

"I suppose," Ruby agreed. "So, really Ren, I'm your best friend—can you please tell me what your issue is?"

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

"So I can help," Ruby explained.

"Help?"

"You're scared, I think," Ruby said. "You need a pep talk. But I don't know what you're scared of exactly. If I had to guess, I'd say that you're just nervous that you'll make a fool of yourself, which is ridiculous."

Ren sighed. "Ruby…"

"Not to mention, Tawny hasn't gotten any in months so I'm sure she's going to enjoy anything she gets."

"I don't--" Ren hesitated. "It's not like she'd forgotten what it's like. What if I'm really bad?"

"Come on, Ren," Ruby replied. "I doubt you're going to be _that_ bad. And even if you are, so what? You'll get better. You have to start somewhere, you know. Practice makes perfect. Tawny wasn't always great either."

"But she… _practiced_ with people she didn't even know that well… one-night stands and--"

"Oh, do you want her to get tested or something? I'm sure she has…"

"No, I just… if she was a one-night stand it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't care but…" Ren paused. "I don't want to be second-best to everyone else in this."

"Well, you can't just jump in and be the best—unless you're just, you know, like a natural. Which you won't know until you try."

"I know, but still… there's so much pressure."

"Self-imposed pressure," Ruby clarified. "I understand where you're coming from, Ren, I do. Tawny means a lot to you and you don't want to let her down. The thing is—you're not going to. She's not going to care if you're not the best she's ever had. She loves you, that's going to have a huge affect on the whole thing anyway, and it'll be in your favor, trust me."

Ren just shook her head. "I just wish I'd listened to Amy last summer when she tried to get me to fool around with some girls. She said I should just have fun, learn the ropes… I said, I needed to be comfortable with whoever I'm with. Turns out, I don't feel comfortable doing it if I don't know what I'm doing."

"I don't know what to say, Ren," Ruby finally gave up. "You just have to go for it. That's it."

Ren didn't reply.

"Well, I'm going to go pick up some food for tomorrow night," Ruby said, getting to her feet. "You two will have fun, and you can always go out afterwards but it'll be really late. Or Saturday, whenever."

* * *

"Why are you so mad?" Tawny asked Ren. It was half past 9 and they were a little over half-way to Ruby's place. 

"I'm not," Ren stated gruffly and unconvincingly.

"I don't understand why it's such a problem for us to go the party," Tawny continued. "I know you aren't a big party-person, but it's not like I've made you go to tons. This is the first one we've ever gone to together."

"I'm not mad, Tawny," Ren repeated.

Tawny sighed, crossing her arms and slouching in her seat. "I hate it when you do this."

"Do what?" Ren asked, her voice raising a little.

"When you don't talk to me," Tawny said. "You just sit there all angry and don't explain. You never try to communicate."

"Never try to communicate?" Ren repeated. "That's not true."

"Not true?" Tawny scoffed. "You agreed to go to this party, even though you really don't want to. You were upset when I talked to my friends about us, but you'd never told me not to. I _still_ don't know what your problem is with having sex. I assume you're just not ready, but I don't really know because you won't talk about it. You just shut down whenever I ask."

Ren's knuckles were white as gripped the steering wheel. "And it comes out again."

"What?"

"You say it's not a big deal, but you always bring it up."

"It's not a big deal, but I'd still like to know what the problem is. And I don't _always_ bring it up."

"Whatever, we're there," Ren grumbled as she pulled into a space on the side of the road in front of Ruby's house.

There were several people out on the front lawn and tons more inside. Music was booming and the familiar scents of alcohol, perfume, smoke, and salsa were prevalent on the air.

"Hey," Ruby waved at them as they approached.

Tawny did better at faking happiness for the greetings than Ren, who made no effort. She didn't want to be there, and she didn't care who knew.

In fact, Ren didn't utter a word to Ruby and simply stormed through the crowd, not quite sure where she was going, but wanting to be away from Tawny at the moment.

"Trouble in paradise?" Twitty asked, coming up from behind Tawny.

Tawny sighed. "I don't even know why she's so mad."

"Well, I have good news," Twitty declared. "Do you remember Beans' cousin Chris? Her and Louis were together for six months until she dumped him for reasons that were never explainde. She's here and she and Louis are hitting it off quite well. I really think if he can get into someone else, maybe he'll get over you. And he's always had a thing for her-- really, he was qute torn between you two for awhile. So if this works out then maybe things can maybe go back to normal between the three of us."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed," Tawny replied. "But right now, my priority is getting a drink. Ruby, what do have?"

"Right this way," Ruby led the two of them off toward the kitchen.

Ren had somehow made her way into the laundry room, where additional alcohol—harder stuff-- was laying in wait. A handful of boys and girls were scoping out the options.

Louis appeared a few moments later, his arm around the waist of a tall blonde who was gripping a large bottle in her hand. He raised a glass and smiled at his sister—a smile that said 'I'm about to get lucky'.

Even Louis had no problem functioning like a normal social being at these sorts of gatherings, and sex, well, that probably wasn't an issue for him either. Not that many girls offered themselves to him, but if it happened he probably just went with it, Ren figured. Only she would spend endless hours over-thinking something like this…

They entered the laundry room. "Hey, sis…" Louis' speech was slurred, clearly he was so out of it he didn't even remember how angry he was with her, how angry he'd been for the past four and a half months.

"Hey, Twitty!" Louis called, catching sight of his friend out in the crowd. "Just a second, babe. I'll be right back. He'll have some."

Ren looked at the blonde girl, questioningly.

"Condoms," she replied, sounding rather unenthused. "Louis doesn't have one."

She nodded. "He's never prepared for anything." But at least he'll do it, she thought.

"I don't really care," the girl shrugged. "I don't mind delaying. You're cuter than he is."

Ren blushed. "Thanks. You're Chris, right? You and Louis dated awhile ago, didn't you?"

"Yeah," she brushed past Ren's question. "Hey, most of the rooms are empty right now, if you want we could…"

"Oh," Ren was startled. "Uh, no. I have a girlfriend."

"Oh," the blonde sounded genuinely disappointed. "That's too bad."

Ren nodded, though she didn't really care: even if she didn't have Tawny, this girl wouldn't have sparked her interest. She gestured to the bottle in the girl's hand. "Can I get some of that?"

"Sure," she said, handing Ren the bottle of raspberry flavored vodka.

She took a few swigs and her head was spinning in no time.

* * *

"I should find Ren," Tawny said, finishing off a glass of wine. "I haven't seen her since we got here and it's past eleven." 

"Yes, you should," Ruby agreed. "It is Valentine's after all. You guys should make up. Dance or something."

Tawny sighed, glancing at the mob around them. "I don't even know where to begin looking."

She opted to check outside first, it was quieter there. But Ren was nowhere to be found.

Instead she ran into a very drunk Louis, staggering with a bottle of beer in hand. "I swear I had a girl…"

"Louis, you should stop," she said, taking his beer from him.

"I had one, and I went to get a condom and then she was gone."

"Yeah, well, I seem to have lost my girl too," Tawny said. "Have you seen Ren?" She didn't think he'd be much help, he probably didn't remember anything that hadn't happened within the last twenty seconds.

"That's too bad," he replied, swinging an arm around her shoulder. "Ren was in the laundry room."

"The laundry, huh?" Tawny repeated. "I'll check there then and you will come with me. I'm going to get Twitty to take you home. Or maybe Tom, I saw him around and he didn't look like he was having much fun anyway."

Ren wasn't in the laundry room.

"Check the bedrooms, I bet… I don't even remember her name… she had yellow hair though… she's probably getting it on with some other dude. I want to see," Louis' rambled on, as Tawny supported him.

"It's Chris, Louis, your ex. And I don't think you really want to see that, and neither do I, but I'm going to check anyway because Ren isn't anywhere else."

After walking in on four other couples, all too drunk and too engaged in their own activities to even notice, Tawny pulled open a fourth bedroom door—Ruby mom's room—only to find Ren half naked on the bed beneath a tall blonde girl.

"You've got to be kidding me," Louis stammered, his awareness coming back.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Tawny couldn't breathe. It was like something was stuck in her throat. She couldn't bring herself to utter a word.

But the sound of the door opening didn't go unnoticed with this pair as it had with the other couples. Chris whirled around with a broad grin. "Oh, Louis… I never did tell you why I dumped you, did I?"

He glared at her.

Ren pushed Chris off of her then, quickly grabbing her shirt and standing up, with a little difficulty. Her vision was blurred, but she could see the hurt on Tawny's face anyway. She felt her heart sink in her chest.

Finally managing to suck in a deep breath, Tawny parted her lips as if to speak, only to turn and leave instead.

"Tawny…" Ren called, her voice barely above a whisper. She staggered toward the door, pulling her shirt on, having great difficulty putting on foot in front of the other.

Louis appeared ready to say something too, but instead, he turned, doubled over and threw up everything he'd eaten in the last hour.

Chris grabbed Ren's shoulder from behind. "Where do you think you're going? We just got started…"

"No, I…"

She planted a firm kiss on Ren's lips, only to have Ren shove her away violently.

"A little late for that," Louis grumbled from below.

Ren made her way out into the hall after Tawny. She felt like she was moving in slow motion and her head was ringing.

* * *

"Twitty, can you take me home?" Tawny asked, coming up on her friend from behind.

"What? It's only midnight."

"I have to get out of here," she whispered, her voice cracking a little.

"What's wrong, Tawny?" Ruby asked.

"What's wrong?" Tawny repeated, her voice a mixture of anger and pain. "What's wrong is… I just walked in on Ren with Chris Arangaran."

"What do you mean you 'walked in on' them?"

"I mean, they were… in be--" she covered her face, pressing her fingers against her eyes, inhaling several deep breaths. "I just need to go home."

"Ok," Twitty responded, putting a head on her shoulder and exchanging concerned glances with Ruby. "Let's go."

Ruby nodded knowingly at Twitty and then wandered off into the crowd to find Ren.

She found her bent over, leaning against a hallway wall, having just thrown up. Louis was a few feet behind her, sitting near a rather large quantity of vomit on the floor.

"Ah, another proud anecdote for the Stevens family," Ruby announced, rather dramatically.

* * *

In the passenger seat of Twitty's car, Tawny hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face in them.

Twitty didn't know what to say to her. He could hear her crying, even though she was trying to control herself, trying to hide it. These situations always made him uncomfortable. In their little group, Tawny was always the one who handled…emotional things. She never needed someone else to handle them for her though, she was always under control. But here she was… clearly in need of a friend. And he was a friend. But he didn't know what to do, or say.

"I'm sure there's an explanation," he tried, regretting the words almost immediately.

"An explanation?" Tawny lifted her face a little. "She…she cheated. I've…" she was finding herself short of breath again, the tears burning against her eyelids. "I don't want to talk about this."

"I just mean… Ren… she's wouldn't--"

"She did!"

"I know," he said, keeping his voice low. "I just mean… she's not the kind of person who cheats."

"But she did!"

"It's not her though… I mean… you need to talk with her."

She didn't reply, only buried her face in her knees again.

* * *

"What in the hell did you do?" Ruby asked, her voice full of venom, as she pulled Ren into her mom's bedroom and shut the door.

"I can't… I have to find Tawny…"

"Tawny left."

"She left? I… my God… I really…"

"Fucked up? Yeah you did! She said you were in bed with Chris Arangaran!"

"I don't know… I just… I was upset about…everything," Ren stammered. "And I went to... I had something to drink… and she… she came on to me. But I said no. But I… I said no. And then, next thing I know I'm here and… and Tawny opened the door. And she saw. And…oh my God, Ruby," Ren sat down at the foot of the bed, cradling her head in her hands. "I… I cheated… I cheated on her."

"You said you needed experience," Chris claimed, appearing from the master bathroom. "You were rambling to me about all your relationship woes, as if I cared. And how you wanted to be good for her but you weren't confident and blah blah blah… I said I could help you and you got quite excited at that. So, I snagged us a room."

"You knew she had a girlfriend and you still went through with this?" Ruby asked, fuming.

"Well, she's hot," Chris shrugged. "Besides, I was only trying to help. Give her a lesson or two and let her go. It wasn't like I was going to steal her away. It's just unfortunate that the girl had to walk in on us. She would've benefited greatly had she not."

"What did she say?" Ren asked Ruby. "Tawny, what did Tawny say?"

"I can't believe you were going to sleep with her just to get a little experience…"

"Hey," Chris interjected. "If it scores her any points, she was very difficult to persuade. I had to get several shots in her before she started to bend. She could hardly see when I brought her in here and even then she was so out of it… it was practically date rape."

"Why are you incriminating yourself so eagerly?" Ruby asked.

"Because, I may be a whore but I'm not a bitch, I really do feel bad about this. And that Louis saw. Tawny used to date him too, didn't she? He must be bumming hard… losing two chicks to his sister. But she is way hotter. And he should stop going for lesbians."

"And Louis…" Ren groaned. "He… you were his date? Yes, you were, I remember…damn it."

Ruby just shook her head. "I don't even know what to say. I can't believe this happened."

"I need to talk to Tawny, Ruby," Ren said, getting to her feet. "Can you give me a ride?"

"What?"

"I can't drive like this! And neither can Louis!"

"But this is my party. I can't just leave a bunch of people in my house unattended, I don't even know them. And clearly, even the people I know best can't be trusted not to make a mess. And I really don't think Tawny wants to talk to you right now."

* * *

"Thanks, Twitty," Tawny said quickly, hurrying out of the car and into her house, where she bumped into her dad on the front porch.

"Oh, good, you're back. I've locked myself out," he said. "I think I left me keys at a hotel. You're mom went to a special last-minute gathering of some sort in New York, but I had to come home because I have a patient that—honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she grumbled, shoving her key in the lock and twisting.

"Yeah, you think I'm going to buy that? I'm a psychiatrist, Tawny. And I know you quite well, if I may say so myself."

"Fine, you want to know? My girlfriend cheated on me." Something about saying the words out loud forced the tears from her eyes again. The image of Ren and Chris was burned into her mind and it made her sick to her stomach. "Ren cheated on me."

"Oh," Dr. Dean said, his voice low. He slid an arm around her shoulder and lead her inside.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Ruby had managed to convince Ren to give Tawny a little space. Her exact words had been "wait until she approaches you" but Ren feared that might never happen and so she only gave Tawny the weekend.

At school on Monday, she tried to talk to her as soon as she had the opportunity. Serval chances came up, but somehow Ren never managed to get close enough to Tawny to talk. She'd see her across the hall and try and force her way through the crowds, and when she got there, Tawny would be gone.

She finally managed to stop her outside of her sixth period class after the bell rang.

Tawny had been making a concerted effort to avoid Ren all day, and here she was minutes away from leaving the building only to be caught.

"Hey," Ren started.

Tawny crossed her arms, quickly deciding anger would be the best defense. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Tawny…"

"No," she interrupted, pushing past Ren and hurrying away down the hall.

So, Ren waited about a half an hour and called her at home.

Tawny picked up the phone. "Dean residence, Tawny speaking."

"Hey, I wanted--"

She hung up.

Ren called again, but Tawny didn't answer, noting the caller ID this time.

The message machine went off. "Hey, Tawny. I know you're there. Please pick up. I need to talk to you. Come on…I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Pick up the phone, please. We need to talk about this. I understand that you're upset, you have every right to be. You can't just ignore me forever. Tawny, please…BEEP."

Tawny sighed.

The phone rang again and the same familiar number came up on the ID. She let the message machine go off again.

"I wanted to talk to you face-to-face, or at least over the phone, but since you obviously don't want to… I know I screwed up big time, Tawny. But you have to let me explain… not that it'll justify my actions or anything. It won't. I was wrong and I know that. But maybe… I just need you to understand where I'm—BEEP."

Tawny shook her head and retreated upstairs to her bedroom. The phone rang again.

"I need you to understand where I'm coming from. And I _was_ drunk… not that that's an excuse either, but… it's the truth. I'm not a cheater, Tawny. I mean, I did it. But… you know me. You know me better than anyone and you know that I'm not that person. I don't do that. I—BEEP."

And again: "Tawny, I love you. You know that I do. I just… you were right in everything you said to me on Friday. About me not communicating. Well, I'm trying now. Ok? You have to let me explain. It meant nothing, it wasn't… I don't even remember what happened exactly. I just remember you… walking in… I think I wanted—BEEP."

"You're machine doesn't give enough time to leave a decent message. But I was trying to say that I think I was trying to… I really… I wanted to be…I wanted to be good…for you. I didn't want to…let you down. Because I know you have more experience than I do. And that's a really stupid reason to do what I did, but I was drunk and I—BEEP."

"I'm scared, Tawny. It doesn't matter with someone else, but it matters with you. And I'm scared. I can't…can't give you what you want. I get so nervous…I don't want to make a fool of myself and I am terrified that I will. Because I don't know what I'm doing. I've never—BEEP."

"God damn machine. Please pick up, Tawny. Let me explain. I need to talk to you. I'm going to keep calling until you pick up. I love you, Tawny. You're the most important person in the world to me and I never wanted to… I've never even looked at another girl the way I look at you. I've never thought about anyone else, the way I think about you. I-BEEP."

Dr. Dean came home a couple hours later to find the answering machine still going and blinking the number 135 in red.

"Tawny, pick up. I've called 136 times now—left 135 messages—136, that's how many days we've been together. Since October 3rd. That's a long time for you to be ignoring me now. Honey? Please, pick up. I know you're there and I know you're angry with me—you have every right to be—if you want to yell or anything that's fine, just please pick up. I have to—what?" Steve's voice could be heard in the background. "Get off your cell, the bill is going to be astronomical!" Ren refused. "I can't. I'll pay for it. BEEP."

The phone rang again and Dr. Dean picked up. "Hello?"

"Dr. Dean, hi, could I speak to Tawny?"

"She's been here all afternoon, and hasn't picked up, Ren. I admire your persistence, but I think you should give it a rest."

"No, I need to talk to her. She has to hear me out--"

"She will, you left 135 messages. I'll make sure that she gets them."

"But," Ren protested.

"Please, stop calling," he said. "Just give her some time."

He hung up.

Ren sighed and reluctantly tossed her phone onto her bed.

Dr. Dean headed upstairs and knocked on his daughter's door. "Tawny?"

"Come in."

He found her taking down several of her photos, every one with Ren in it, to be specific.

"You, uh, have some messages."

"Sorry, she wouldn't stop."

He hesitated. "Well, let me know when you've listened to them, so I can erase them. Can't have all that space occupied…"

"You can erase them now. I don't need to listen to them."

Her tone told him not to press the matter further. He went downstairs and set about transcribing all the messages, assuming that Tawny would erase them without listening if he left them on. This way there'd be a chance that she'd eventually get the message.

"She just needs some time," Dr. Dean said, leaning back in his chair after finishing.

* * *

Ren made a couple more attempts at approaching Tawny at school, but none of them were successful. Before she knew it, it had been three weeks and Tawny hadn't spoken to her.

Ruby was over at her house one particularly stormy evening. "So, any luck with Tawny yet? Has she talked to you?"

"No," Ren mumbled, staring out her window into the darkness, huge raindrops pummeling the rooftop. "I don't… does that mean…" she couldn't bring herself to apply any of the potentially applicable terms: it's over, we're broken up, it's the end.

"I don't know, Ren," Ruby shrugged. "But if I had to guess, I'd say yeah. It doesn't look that great. Not that I have extreme sympathy for you here."

Ren glared at her. "Well, thanks."

"Hey, you cheated on her," Ruby retorted. "You guys were together for 4 and a half months and never slept together but then you hop into bed with some girl you just meet…seriously, what do you expect?"

"I just… I thought she'd at least talk to me," Ren mumbled.

"And I think that's asking too much."

Ren looked at her. "I talked to Bobby after he cheated, I let him try and explain."

"But then you ended it with him anyway," Ruby said. "So what difference does it make? How many couples do you know who made it through something like this."

"I don't know any couples that were… most couples here aren't…I love her, Ruby. I love her and most couples here aren't in love. Not like we are."

"_Were_."

"Ruby," Ren groaned.

"What? It's true."

"You don't know that, Tawny hasn't said anything… or has she talked to you?" Ren looked up, a glimmer of hope.

"No, she hasn't," Ruby frowned. "And I was starting to really like her too. So thanks, you ruined a friendship for me too."

"And I cheated on her on Valentine's Day…" Ren sighed and hung her head again. "I have to see her."

"I'm really sorry, Ren," Ruby shrugged. "But I don't know what you can do. But either way, it's 8:45 and I should be home. Remember, I am grounded for the next month and curfew is now at nine."

"Right, sorry, let's go," Ren got up and they headed downstairs.

After dropping Ruby off, Ren started to head home, but instead turned down Tawny's street. Stopping her car in front of their house, she got out and approached the window. After the ten second walk to the window, she was thoroughly soaked, it was raining so hard. She could see Tawny and both her parents sitting in the living room. They were all reading, albeit different materials. At this hour, her dad would probably answer and he would probably tell her to go home. He'd rejected more than one phone call from Ren since that Monday after Valentine's.

She turned to leave, then changed her mind. She might as well try. She headed over to the front door and knocked.

Sure enough, Tawny's father answered. "Hey, Ren," he kept his voice low, even though the rain pounding on the ground around them should've been enough to keep their voices hidden.

"Hello, Dr. Dean. Can I see, Tawny?" she asked, feeling the warmth radiate out from the house into the cool night air in which she stood.

He shook his head. "She's not here, I'm sorry."

Ren nodded, even though she knew he was lying.

After he closed the door, Ren thought about how sympathetically he'd looked at her. He knew what had happened, what she'd done to his beloved only child, and yet, he didn't seem angry or resentful of her at all.

On the other side of the door, Dr. Dean sighed. He would discuss the messages with his wife tonight, she would know better whether or not they should be given to Tawny yet. She'd be able to relate better. She'd been in the same position as her daughter, though Tawny didn't know it. And both the elder Deans preferred to keep it that way.

Ren headed back to her car, and then changed her mind again. She snuck around the side of the house and climbed the tree to Tawny's room. She tried the window, but it was locked. I should just go, she thought, I'll catch a cold anyway if I stay out in this. But nevertheless, she sat and waited. Examining the room, she noticed that all the photos of them had been taken down. She swallowed hard, fearing what that meant.

Nearly an hour had passed by the time Tawny came upstairs.

The looming dark figure pressed against her window startled her only a second before she recognized who it was.

She unlocked the window and slid it up. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I need t-to t-talk to you," Ren's whole body was shivering uncontrollably.

"Ren," Tawny sighed, angry. "It's 40 degrees outside!"

"I love you," Ren stammered. "I love you so much, Tawny. I know that I screwed things up but--"

"No," Tawny shook her head. "I'm not going to do this, Ren."

"But," she protested.

"No 'buts'. It's over," Tawny said, her voice cold. "We're over."

"No," Ren shook her head.

"Come on," Tawny grabbed her by the crook of her elbow and led her downstairs and out the front door. "You have to go home and change."

"No, Tawny, please," Ren begged, sticking her foot in the door to keep it from closing. "We're not over. You can't just say that. We're perfect together. And you… you love me. And I love you. It doesn't just end."

"Ren," Tawny started, beginning to falter in her act. "Go home."

"No, Tawny," Ren continued pleadingly. "We're meant to be together. I know we are. It's going to be ok, we just need to--"

"It's not ok," Tawny shook her head.

"It will be."

"No, it won't," she reached out and pushed Ren back from the door, giving herself just enough time to close it.

Ren banged her fist against it. "Tawny! Please!"

Tawny slid down on the other side of the door, tears streaming down her cheeks.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: **So I've got to say ahead of time, I'd find it very weird to hear my parents talking about me like this…but hey, the dialogue writes itself.

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

"Joanne, we need to talk," Dr. Dean declared, sitting down across the table from his wife. It had been over a month since Ren left 135 messages on their machine, all of which he'd transcribed.

"Is something the matter, Roger?" she asked, peering over the frame of her glasses.

"Yes," he nodded. "Read these," he dropped a thin stack of paper on the table in front of her.

"What are they?" she asked, picking them up.

"They're messages that Ren left Tawny after… the, uh, incident."

"After she cheated on her?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"Look, Roger, we really should let Tawny handle this on her own," Joanne explained. "It really hurt her—I mean, I've never seen her like that before. She's a strong girl, but this shattered her. She needs time."

"She's had time, she's just being stubborn," he insisted.

She glared at him.

"Read those messages, Joanne. Tawny never listened to them, and I haven't given them to her to read yet. I don't think Tawny ever even gave Ren a chance to explain and it seems like a situation where that is particularly necessary. What happened may not be justified but the root of it can be understood at least. If there's one thing Tawny is it's understanding. But she's not even listening anymore. That's not the daughter we raised."

Joanne read the first few blurbs.

Dr. Dean continued speaking. "You yourself used to complain about Tawny fooling around with so many different people, but you insisted on maintaining the 'she's mature enough to handle these things herself' approach," he explained. "Well, she's only 17. And she's heartbroken because Ren wasn't a one-night-stand. She loved her. She still does and she's absolutely miserable, but she's too stubborn and too proud—too much like you—to accept that and try and work through it."

"Cheating is a very hard thing to work through, Roger," Joanne said, her voice low. "We may have managed but don't think for a second that it was easy for me to forgive you. And I was 40. You're right, Tawny is just 17—that's a much more delicate age than 40 was."

"It is hard to work through and I understand that," he emphasized. "But there are occasions where it's worthwhile to work through it. Like with us. I think Ren might be a worthwhile case too. She didn't cheat out of spite or because she wanted to hurt Tawny or because she was attracted to someone else. She wasn't tempted into this. She did it because she felt she would be unable to satisfy Tawny…sexually… without more experience and, with the help of alcohol, that thinking—which may have even been subconscious before, took over. At least that's the impression I got. And I may not be very familiar with Ren Stevens, but from what I know, it would follow suit that she'd be self-conscious about such a thing. She's not used to being...well, not the best in everything."

Joanne nodded. "I see what you're saying."

"When I cheated, it wasn't the same. It was for base, carnal reasons only. And you forgave me—which I am grateful for to this day. If you could forgive me, than Tawny should be able to forgive Ren."

"Alright," she replied, reading a few more of the messages. " 'Honey'? She called Tawny 'honey'? Tawny let her do that?"

He nodded with a smile. "You should talk to her, give her the messages. Explain our situation if you have to."

"I don't know if that'd be a good idea, Roger. She's still hurting and if this goes badly, do you really want her to associate that pain with you? It could very well happen. I know Tawny doesn't enjoy these sort of talks with me, she prefers them with you. I just lecture, and you create a dialogue-- that's what she says."

"I suppose," he nodded. "I want her to be happy though, so if that's what it takes. So be it. If you can do without, that's even better."

"Ok, I'll talk with her when she gets home from school, my flight doesn't leave until seven so there's plenty of time," she paused. "Wasn't Tawny dating both the Stevens simultaneously earlier this year?"

"I think she was going steady with Louis, then went on a date with Ren, found herself more attracted to her and broke things off with Louis before actually dating Ren."

"I bet there was some small-scale cheating going on there too, though," Joanne grinned. "A kiss or two perhaps? I'm sure Louis would've considered it cheating. Well, anyway…"she redirected her attention to the paper.

* * *

"What do you miss most?" Twitty asked all of a sudden. 

He was sitting outside the school with Louis and Tawny, who both seemed to be on civil terms again. Civil, not friendly, he felt as though he were still very much in the middle. His question was directed at Tawny.

"What?" she asked, startled.

"About Ren," he clarified.

"Twitty…" she started in protest.

"Just one thing, a little thing, I want to know," he said.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Neither do I," Louis chimed in.

"It's good to vent these things, Tawny. You told me that when I broke up with Allison—remember her? I wanted to focus on all the bad things to make me feel better but that didn't work because I could only think of the good things. And then you said that I should think of the good things and try to remember it as a good thing in my life that just had to end eventually."

"Some of my advice is pretty ridiculous, I don't know why you guys listen to me," she scoffed, her arms crossed.

"Well, it worked for me," he shrugged. "Just try. One thing you miss. A little thing that only you would know. Like I missed the way Allison would chew on her hair when she was nervous."

Thinking about Ren always brought about a sort of dull pain in Tawny's chest. She hadn't known how literal a broken heart was until these past few weeks. She sighed regretfully. "When we kissed…"

"Oh, please, come on!" Louis interjected.

"Shut up, man," Twitty snapped.

"She always used to put her hand behind my head, sort of tangle her fingers in my hair. She'd kind of massage the back of my head. I miss that," Tawny confessed.

"Feel any better?"

"I feel worse," she said.

"Me too," Louis grumbled, though he was surprised at what Tawny had said. He expected it to simply be an 'I miss making out'.

"Maybe try something else…"

"No, Twitty," she mumbled. "I don't want to do this. Let's talk about something else."

Twitty eyed Louis, a little angry with his friend. "Tawny, how did you get over Louis?"

"That wasn't the same," she replied, not really caring if Louis took offense.

"Yeah, 'cause I didn't cheat," he explained. "Whatever, I'm out of here. I'm going home."

After he was gone, Twitty continued. "Tawny, honestly, you've been so… down this past month. Come on, why don't you come out with us? To a party of something?"

"I'm not up for a party," she answered, reflecting on what had happened at the last party she'd attended.

"Ok, well, how about spring break? Do you have any plans? It's the week after next."

"No, I don't have plans," she responded, sounding less-than-interested.

"Ok, then, you're coming with Louis and me," he stated.

"Where?"

"It's a surprise."

* * *

"Tawny, is that you?" her mother called from the kitchen when she entered the house. 

"Yeah," Tawny called back.

"Come here a minute, dear."

"What?"

"Take a seat, we need to talk about this whole Ren thing."

"What? No, mom, that was a month ago… there's nothing left to talk about."

"Your father is adamant that you read these. They're the messages that Ren left for you. You wanted them erased, so he did, but not after writing everything down. Read them and then we're going to talk."

"Mom," Tawny protested.

"We're doing this whether you want to or not, so start reading," Joanne ordered.

She watched her daughter read through every message. At the end Tawny looked up at her mother, her expression pained. "There. I read them."

"And? You don't think you could've taken the time to listen to her? You don't think she regrets what she did? You don't think she cares about you? What is your logic in all of this, Tawny? Your father and I were shocked with how little effort you put into trying to understand the grounds for all of this. Yes, it was wrong, and it hurt you, as it well should've, but nevertheless, we raised you to always listen to both sides of the story."

Tawny didn't know what to say.

"You probably think I'm being insensitive to your side right now, huh?"

"Yes," she managed. "You don't know… what it felt like to see her with…"

"Yes, I do," Joanne stated. So much for leaving it as last resort… "Your father cheated on me once."

"What?"

"You were 13."

"What?" Tawny repeated, not fully grasping the situation.

"And the reasons he did it were no where near as forgivable as the reasons Ren has. Now, I'm not expecting you to just say 'hey, everything is fine, we'll just forget and move one'. But I always expect you to try and work through things like this, especially when they are more than worth working for. You don't feel that your relationship with Ren is worth working for? I've never seen you happier than when you're with her. I know you love her. If you love someone, you need to cut them some slack sometimes. I think that Ren understands what she did was wrong. I don't think you understand that you've also acted in the wrong here."

Her mother always did this when she wanted to make a point. She talked and talked and didn't give essential details—like the full story about her and Tawny's father. Tawny just sat there, arms crossed, taking it all in. She was heart-broken and her mother was lecturing her on how to be a good shrink. Though she had some valid points…

* * *

Louis trotted up the stairs and towards his room, but he heard something coming from down the hall. 

He tossed his bag inside his messy bedroom and headed toward the sound. He peeked his head inside Ren's room to find her sitting on the floor by the side of her bed, tear-streaked cheeks, with a book and a photo.

He should've known. He'd found her in a similar state several times over the course of the past several weeks.

For some reason, this time was different for him though. He actually felt bad for his sister, instead of being stuck on how bad he felt for himself. He slowly walked over to her side and sat down. He slid his arm over her back and pulled her a little closer to him. "You'll get past it. I did. She's not easy to get over, but it's possible."

She'd buried her face in her hands and was practically shaking from crying so much.

He took the photo up and looked at it. Black and white, taken by Tawny, of the two of them. Tawny was kissing Ren's temple and Ren was looking downward, kind of. She wasn't looking at Tawny, nor at the camera. She was reading something, it appeared. Tawny was looking at the camera, as she was aiming it after all. Her arm was in the side of the frame because she was holding the camera away from them. They seemed very natural together.

"You know," he said. "She went on a date with you while she was my girlfriend. That's kind of like cheating too. We've all got it."

"It's not the same, Louis," Ren's voice was muffled, and sounded far away.

"I know, but still," he shrugged.

"Everything will work out in the end," he said. "I thought Tawny and I were meant to be, I'm sure you think the same thing. And if you're right, then you will be together. You know, she misses the way you put your hand behind her head, in her hair, when you kiss her."

"I miss the way she always kissed my temple… like in that photo. She did that all the time. Or my cheek, but usually the temple. She had to stand on her toes just to reach it but she always did it."

He nodded and let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Ren. I am. I… I had a really hard time with you guys and when you broke up I was happy, but now… I don't know. I'm sorry. I didn't really give you guys a fair shot and I realize now that you didn't do it to hurt me. I know that I had nothing to do with it. And as for Chris, well, she's a lesbian apparently, so that wouldn't have worked out anyway—though in the future, maybe you could stay away from my girls, huh? Or at least use your gay-dar and let me know."

"My gay-dar? I don't have that, sorry," she responded, trying to smile.

"Oh, well, then just stay away from my ladies… there aren't that many of them so it shouldn't be difficult."

"Make me a list," Ren said.

"Well, the list was Tawny and Chris… but from now on I'll keep you filled in."

"Ok," she half-smiled. "I am sorry about…everything, Louis."

"Yeah, well, you're hurting a lot worse than I did. And Tawny really meant something to me too. I don't know if it was really love though."

"I love her," Ren said, very forlorn.

"I know you do," he replied, his voice almost a whisper. "And everyone knows that she loves you too."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:** This chapter is just setting up... 27 will be along shortly (when I say shortly, I mean most likely in less than 24 hours... probably tomorrow afternoon...or this afternoon, I guess since it's after midnight). Though the 3 review policy holds so I still need reviews of this chapter if I'm to post the next... but it will be ready to go tomorrow afternoon. Anyway...

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

Tawny was completely at a loss with what to do. Her mother's lecture had taken some time to sink in, it always did. She could discuss things with her father, but with her mother… it was more just telling you what the situation is, spelling it out very clearly, and then leaving you to cool down and think things through. Tawny hated it, always found it somewhat condescending, but it worked nonetheless.

Twitty would be by soon to pick her up for their surprise spring break plans. Apparently they'd be gone through the weekend, not returning until Sunday (it was Thursday afternoon), so he must've planned something out of town, she figured. That could be good. A long weekend, a change of scenery could help her figure out what she wanted.

She hadn't heard from Ren since that night outside her window. She'd seen her a couple times, but no words passed between them— looks of pain from Tawny, or looks of anger, looks of regret. And every time Tawny made eye contact with Ren she saw one thing: love. It was a look words couldn't really describe, but it went understood.

That night, Ren had remained outside the front door for another forty-five minutes before going home. Every once in awhile Twitty brought Ren up, testing the waters, wanting Tawny to talk. She never did. The thought of it made her sick to her stomach—seeing Ren with Chris… she'd learned to manage holding the tears back now, about five weeks after that night, but they always came, and it was always a struggle. But her mother wanted her to 'at least understand where Ren was coming from', 'understand _why_ she did it,_'_… Turn the whole thing into a psych exercise, Tawny thought with a scowl. Who was she kidding? She did that all the time too. But it was their fault she was that way. Her favorite was: 'focus on _why _it happened, not on _what_ happened'... how the hell could she not focus on what had happened?

Her dad had cheated on her mom before too… and her mother had been adamant that Tawny not hold it against him, that she doesn't have enough information to make any judgments on the situation.

Tawny had responded that it was wrong-- if you know it happened, you know enough to make that statement.

Her mother had agreed, but had said simply: "People make mistakes. If you can't forgive them, then you don't really love them."

Tawny, hurt and angered by that remark, made in such an accusatory tone, countered that if they really loved you they wouldn't have done it in the first place.

Her mother shook her head then and said: "That's a very narrow-minded way to look at it."

Ren's reasoning, compounded by the influence of alcohol, had been that she could maybe gain a little experience with sex, so that she'd be comfortable enough o give Tawny what she was sure Tawny wanted from her. But Tawny had gotten used to the no sex situation. She's accepted it and she didn't mind. She tried to make that clear to Ren several times.

She explained all of this to her mother.

"How do you think that makes Ren feel? You just accepting it because you assume she won't come through for you? That, I'm sure, bothered her just as much as her fear of not meeting expectations. It's like you just dropping it because you've accepted it as fact that she's a failure, to put it in the strongest terms. Of course, that isn't how you intended it. But, you know Ren better than I do…"

That is _exactly_ how Ren would interpret what Tawny had meant to be understanding and patience. To Ren it was an F. She failed. She'd have to retake the course. Ren Stevens didn't do that.

Tawny sighed. She hadn't realized that before.

She was at a point now where she felt that she really understood Ren's side of the story, but that didn't ease the pain of what had happened at all.

Her mother had said it wouldn't. She said it happened, it's permanent, it's a memory, and it's never going to be a painless one.

She heard a loud honk outside and grabbed her bags.

Twitty's dad's Expedition was parked in front of her house, and oddly enough, Amy was in the passenger seat.

"I didn't know you were coming," Tawny said as she approached the large, green SUV. Fuck you, nature, she thought sarcastically.

Then the back door opened up to reveal Louis and Ruby in the middle seat, and in the back was Ren, arms crossed, looking none too thrilled.

Tawny stepped back, her eyes stinging near instantaneously. She blinked a few times, discreetly enough. "What are…. Where are we going?"

Louis jumped out then and grabbed her, quickly shoving her into the back seat with her bags and returning to his seat.

"Louis!" she yelled angrily.

Before she knew it the door was shut and they were on the road.

* * *

The ride was about two and a half hours and no one filled them on where they were headed. Supposedly only Twitty and Amy knew, they'd arranged it all. They offered a prize to whoever figured the destination out. Louis and Ruby just went along with it because they were, well, Louis and Ruby. Neither one was known for inhibitions and second-guessing. 

Ren glanced over at Tawny every so often, wondering what she was thinking. Did she think I planned this? She hadn't, of course. She'd put up more of a fight than Tawny had.

Ren figured out where they were headed about half way there. "Lake Tahoe? Is that where we're going?"

Twitty and Amy grinned at each other. "And we have a winner!"

Amy tossed her a candy bar—a Twix. Twix was Tawny's favorite. She thought about offering it to her, but didn't. Tawny's attention was focused out the window, her thoughts a complete mystery. Ren was afraid to interrupt her and really didn't know what to say anyway.

When they arrived it was just past six, the ground was wet and snow was piledalong he sides of the road. It was still cold up in the mountains and small flurries of snow were expected through the weekend, mostly in the evenings. The days were predicted to be quite nice.

According to Twitty they had reservations at a restaurant. No doubt with him and Amy they'd be eating out the whole time, racking up quite a bill that neither the Twitty's nor the Johnson's would have any trouble paying off.

"We have three rooms, all next to each other," Amy explained, heading upstairs.

"Are we going to stick Ren and Tawny together?" Ruby asked, trying to contain her excitement at the thought.

"No, I'm going with Tawny, you're going with Ren," Amy said,

"What?"

"They're uncomfortable enough as is, we can't force this on them. We wanted to do something where everyone has a good time."

"They'll have a good time, they just need to--"

"If things change, if they want to room together, I'll be the first to give up my key, but I don't want to force them. They'll be upset with us if we pair them together because they'll know exactly what we're trying to do."

Ruby shrugged. "If you say so."

"How dumb do you think they are?" Amy asked, surprised at Ruby's response. "Because I'm willing to bet that they're the smartest two here."

"Yeah, I know," Ruby responded. "I'm just not good at being subtle in my ambitions."

"We know," Ren spoke from behind.

"Everyone hurry up, our reservations are for seven," Twitty said as he unlocked his and Louis' door. "And I'm not sure where the place is."

"And we have some announcements," Amy added.

Several minutes later, everyone gathered in Louis and Twitty's room.

"Ok," Twitty stood up on his bed. "Our itinerary is as follows: Today, Thursday, we have dinner and no other plans. Do what you want. Simple, easing in, just getting situated. You'll probably want to go to bed early though because tomorrow we hit the slopes. We told you all to pack snow gear, so if you didn't, your loss. You'll have to entertain yourself then. Anyone forget? No? Good. We figured we could all go to a movie or something tomorrow night, we'll all be wiped out anyway. Saturday… well, I'll probably sleep all day. But you can do whatever you want—shopping or hit the arcade downstairs or go for a swim in the pool or horseback riding or hiking…whatever basically.. And then for Saturday night we have _special_ plans—which you'll have to wait for. They're still being arranged. Everyone approve? Great! Let's eat!"


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: **Sorry, this is a little later than I anticipated… 'cause that's what happens if I announce a specific time… shakes head. Anyway, I decided to do one longish chapter instead of two shorter ones, I hope you enjoy…

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

"I told you I haven't been skiing in years," Ren repeated as she rubbed her arm. A nasty fall had cut her day on the slopes short. And Ruby had insisted on accompanying her, even though Ren would've preferred some alone time to wallow. All this time with Tawny around was absolutely agonizing.

The elevators doors opened and her and Ruby stepped out onto their floor.

"I know, but I figured it'd be like riding a bike, you know?"

"I can't ride a bike either," Ren mumbled.

"Still? I thought you finally mastered that in 8th grade."

"Nope," Ren shook her head.

"Well, whatever," Ruby shrugged. "I'm not a die-hard skier or anything anyway. We can go shopping or something. The others won't be back until 4:30 or 5 anyway."

"Alright," Ren nodded.

"Or we could talk."

"Talk? We can do that while we shop too, you know."

"Well, I mean, if you want to talk about certain things…"

"Oh, no, Ruby."

"Is it _that_ horrible? Really? Because we just wanted you two to get out and have some fun, you've both been so gloomy lately."

"Thanks for the thought," Ren said, unlocking their door. "I'm going to take a shower."

Later they met with everyone and went out again. Everyone else seemed to be having fun, but Ren couldn't muster up any enthusiasm. Tawny seemed to be enjoying herself, sometimes at least. She was difficult to read. Ren had a feeling this was hard on Tawny too, but wasn't confident enough to convince herself that was the case. The circumstance forced her to believe that Tawny was more than fine without her now.

Ren was relieved when Saturday night arrived. For one, it was the last night and then they'd head home the next day, return to school on Monday. School meant work and that meant she'd be able to keep herself busy. And secondly, despite her mood, she couldn't help being intrigued by whatever Twitty's special plans were.

That evening everyone met in front of the hotel and walked to yet another restaurant, their third and final night in Tahoe had arrived. Twitty's special plans had yet to be revealed.

"Tonight, we're going for Italian!" Twitty announced as they strolled through the streets. Snow was gently falling all around them, contributing to the thin layer that had formed on the ground all over town.

Twitty and Amy were leading the way, Louis and Tawny were talking in the middle, and Ruby and Ren were bringing up the rear.

"So, has this been fin for you at all, Ren?" Ruby asked.

Ren didn't answer. Her attention was fixed on Tawny, moving so gracefully in front of her. Tawny was wearing a long, black, wool coat. Everyone else could get by in simple jackets, but she got cold very easily. Her long, dark hair was down and dozens of snowflakes sparkled in it. Ren couldn't hear what they were talking about but every once in awhile Tawny would laugh, or she'd turn and smile at Louis. Ren could only see her profile then, but seeing her smile was about the most beautiful thing Ren could imagine right then so she didn't mind at all. She hadn't seen Tawny smile in what seemed like forever. Twitty had once told her that Tawny hardly ever smiled before she started seeing Ren…

"Ren?" Ruby's voice intruded her reverie.

"What? Sorry," Ren apologized.

"What are you staring at anyway?" Ruby asked, trying to sound as oblivious as possible, though she knew full well that the girl in front of them was what had snared her friend's gaze.

"The snow in her hair," Ren mumbled.

Ruby put a consoling hand on her friend's shoulder.

After dinner they returned to the hotel and entered Twitty's room, where yet another special announcement was to be made.

"Ok," he began. "The moment you've all been waiting for… well, as you know we're on the Nevada side of lovely Tahoe here. And what does Nevada have that's so great? That's right! Casinos! And we have one right downstairs! But we're not old enough, right? Wrong!"

"What?" Ren asked, not catching on.

"We put a lot of time into making sure these were as real as possible so don't lose them," Amy explained as she handed fake IDs out to each of her companions. "Just act like you belong there, none of us are particularly young looking. Except maybe you, Louis."

"This isn't--"

"Ah, don't start, Ren," Louis cut her off. "This is sweet! We can get drinks too!"

The group hurriedly made their way to the elevators, Ren following reluctantly.

The elevator was packed and only a few of them could squeeze in, leaving Tawny and Ren to take the next one.

When they boarded, it was empty. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Tawny spoke up. "So, how's your arm?"

"Better."

"That's good."

A few more moments passed, and Tawny parted her lips to speak again, but nothing came out. She didn't know what she wanted to say. She'd been thinking about it the entire time she'd been on this trip, from the second Louis shoved her into the car. Should she try and work through this with Ren, or should she just move on? It didn't seem so simple as that though.

She sighed, a little frustrated.

Ren misinterpreted her as being annoyed at the elevator's slowness. "Just be patient."

"What?" Tawny looked at her.

"We—th—nothing, nevermind," Ren stammered, relieved when the elevator dinged and the doors parted.

Before they separated in the lobby Tawny said, a little harshly: "Patience doesn't seem to work for me."

Ren closed her eyes and felt the sting of that comment.

Tawny wasn't thrilled with herself for saying that, but it just came out. She brushed it off and concentrated on trying to have fun. She had actually figured this would be Twitty's surprise. Nothing too exciting, in her opinion, but not bad. Ren was obviously bother by it—after all, it was illegal. Tawny half smiled at the thought of one of the security guards questioning Ren, she's undoubtedly give in. She was tall though, and looked old enough that it probably wouldn't be a problem. Tawny frowned then, thinking: And there I go, just assuming Ren will screw it up… Do I always do that?

She stopped at a Roulette table and took a seat. "Ten on black thirteen."

Louis and Ruby parked themselves in front of the slot machines and began to throw away their money.

Twitty and Amy hit the black jack tables.

Ren just took a seat at the bar and ordered a glass of ginger ale.

"Hey," a dark haired girl said, taking a seat beside her.

"Hi," Ren replied, not really paying much attention.

"I'm Kelly," she introduced herself.

"I'm not interested," Ren responded.

Kelly left, offended by Ren's bluntness.

She took a sip of her ginger ale and continued to sulk.

A little over two hours later, Ruby joined her.

"Hey, Ren, any luck?"

"With gambling? No," Ren replied.

"Me neither," Ruby said, taking a sip of wine from her glass. "And I've had a tad too much to drink, so I'm taking a break. Because I wanted to tell you something… I saw you blow off that girl earlier and I think you shouldn't. I mean, I was really hoping something would change with you and Tawny, but honestly, I think it's over. So, now, you should have some fun. Go down with the girl, that way in the future when you find someone new, you won't have the same problem you had with Tawny."

Ren didn't respond, and a few minutes later Ruby declared herself sobered enough to continue gambling, in spite of Ren's discouraging comments. But when Ruby wasn't paying attention Ren took her credit cards and most of the money from her wallet so she wouldn't blow all of it. She left Ruby with $25.

Tipsy as she was, Ruby caught on a few minutes later. She grinned knowingly at Ren. Ren grinned back. Ren was heading upstairs with a girl.

Damn, Ruby thought, she _is_ good.

Several minutes later, Tawny appeared by Ruby. She was a little buzzed, but not without control of her faculties.

"Where's Ren?" she asked.

"What?"

"Ren," Tawny repeated. "Where is she? I want to talk to her."

"Uh," Ruby hesitated. "I don't… are you drunk?"

"No, I feel a little buzzed, but no, I'm not drunk. I won't go down on any leggy blondes, anyway," she replied.

"Ha," Ruby half-laughed.

"Is she upstairs? I thought I saw her head out, but I wasn't sure if it was her. I just saw her for a second. She wouldn't be into this though, so it would make sense. Is she up there?"

"Well," Ruby began. "I don't think you should talk to her right now. You'll just make her upset."

"No, I won't," Tawny said. "I promise. I think I can cheer her up, actually. I've been thinking a lot and--"

Ruby wasn't listening. "So, win anything?"

"Yeah, I made $200 at the Roulette table."

"$200? Wow," Ruby said.

"Now, Ren's upstairs?"

"Um," Ruby paused.

"Hey!" Louis approached. "I found a good machine, it cashes out every other time. Or every third. Come on, Twitty's holding it for us."

"Ooh," Ruby hurried after him.

"Thanks!" Tawny called after her sarcastically. She headed to the elevator anyway, assuming Ren was up in the room watching a movie or reading a book or some other Ren-activity.

"Wait," Ruby suddenly remembered Tawny. She looked around, just in time to see the elevator doors closing. "Fuck."

Tawny waited outside Ren's door for a few minutes before finally knocking, needing some time to psych herself up.

No one answered.

She knocked again. "Ren!"

Suddenly she heard something, and then Ren was unlocking the door. She pulled it open quickly, a little out of breath. "Tawny?"

Tawny immediately noted the lipstick on her collar, her shirt button all wrong. "Oh… you… you have someone up here."

"No," Ren said. "I mean, yes. But, I… she can leave."

"No, it's fine," Tawny responded, her eyes fixed on the ground, tears stinging in full force.

"You can't… we aren't tog… wait," Ren stammered. "Hey, you, you need to go. Now. No, out. Get out."

She pushed the girl, half-naked, out of her room and pulled Tawny in. "What do you… why…uh…"

"Nothing, Ren," Tawny shook her head. "You… let her back in. I'm going to go. Sorry for interrupting."

"No, Tawny, why did you come up?" Ren pleaded. "You can't… Ruby said that I shou… please, what were you coming up here for?"

Tawny just shook her head and pulled open the door.

The other girl was still out there. "My shoes are still in there."

Ren didn't even notice her. "Tawny, come on, what did you… were you…"

Tawny walked away.

"Shall we resume?" the girl asked.

"No," Ren responded, shutting the door, pressing her forehead against it.

"Well, can I have my shoes?" the girl called from the other side.

Tawny went outside, desperately craving some fresh air. She crossed her arms for warmth, pulling her coat tight around her, and walked off down the street, the tears still burning her eyes.

A few minutes later, when Tawny was a ways down the street, she heard someone calling. "Tawny!"

She turned around and saw Ren outside the hotel.

"Wait!" she called, and started to run toward her.

She sighed. "Ren, don't…it's icy and you… you're a klutz."

As if on cue, Ren slipped on the slick ground, falling out of sight. She got up and continued bolting toward her.

Tawny tilted her head to the side and mumbled: "You can be so stupid sometimes."

Ren kept running, and slipped again.

"Slow down, kid!" someone yelled from across the street.

But yet again, Ren jumped to her feet and continued rushing toward her, holding her left arm tight against her body. Finally reaching Tawny, she slipped again, her feet flying out from under her. Her hand shot out and grabbed Tawny's coat collar, a lame effort at saving herself. Instead, the both of them crashed to the ground.

"Ow!" Tawny gasped. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

Ren was still gripping her collar, holding her close on top of her. "Why did you come up there?"

"Ren…" Tawny tried to push herself off of Ren, but Ren wouldn't let go.

Instead, she pulled Tawny's face closer to hers and kissed her. She moved her free hand, painful as it was, behind Tawny's head, tangling her hand in the soft, dark hair.

When she finally released Tawny, she moved her hands to the side of her face. "I love you, Tawny. I've been absolutely miserable without you. It's been the worst six weeks of my life. And you came up there…and that was good… because I think it means that Ruby was wrong."

"Ren," Tawny started, avoiding eye contact. "You… I can't even begin to describe…what it felt like…to see you with…"

"I know, I screwed up," Ren interjected. "But I… I can make it up to you. I mean, I don't know how, but…if you give me a chance… it probably won't be with the best sex you've ever had, but I'll come up with something."

Tawny half-smiled.

"Please, honey?" Ren begged.

Tawny hesitated a moment, then leaned in and kissed her.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: **There are certain things I prefer to leave to the imagination of the reader, you should all keep that in mind…

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Ruby pounded on Ren's door. "Where is she?"

"I don't know, but you _do_ have a key," Amy responded. "It's your room too."

"Oh yeah!" Ruby exclaimed, searching her purse for the key-card. When she found it she shoved it in the slot and the little green light on the lock lit up. She pushed open the door.

"Ren?" she entered, not finding her friend anywhere. "Maybe she went to the other girl's room."

"Other girl?" Amy asked. "Ok, clearly you aren't giving all the details."

"She was with some girl. I told her to try and move on and I said she might as well get some experience so she doesn't have the Tawny problem with someone else in the future…"

Amy glared at her. "Why on earth would you do that?"

"I was tipsy," Ruby shrugged. "And the worst part is… I think Tawny was going to… she came to me and wanted to know where Ren was. She said she needed to talk to her and she sounded like…"

"Damn it, Ruby, why would you just give up on them?" Amy shook her head, then noticing a note on the floor near the door. She picked it up. "Ren, please return the shoes to room 415 ASAP. –Marissa."

"You think they're in 415?" Ruby asked. "And it's been a month and a half and they haven't even talked. I thought maybe something would happen if we forced them together, but they've just avoided each other. Ren's my best friend, ok? I hate seeing her so depressed. I know I didn't help because I was pretty mad at her about everything too, but still..."

"Hey," Tawny greeted them suddenly, both her bags in hand.

Both of them whirled around.

"Ren's getting some ice for her arm," she said. "She's got a couple nasty bruises."

"From skiing? I thought she said it felt fine today," Ruby replied.

"It was better, and then she fell on it three times chasing me through the street," Tawny answered, half-grinning. "_Three times_… she didn't learn after the first two."

"Well, if she was running after _you_," Amy shrugged. "It follows that she wouldn't be thinking straight."

"It is a known fact that Ren Stevens is particularly prone to stupidity when romance is involved," Ruby said.

"So?" Amy poked Tawny questioningly in the shoulder. "You seem to be…in a good mood…"

Tawny nodded. "I am. But you two need to leave now."

"This is my room," Ruby retorted.

"We're switching for the night," Tawny stated, holding her bags up for Ruby to see. "I… Ren and I… we have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, you do," Amy sighed. "And make sure everything is clear. I'm talking crystal. Come on, Ruby, get your stuff."

"I'll just get he essentials. Tomorrow is for packing anyway. It doesn't matter which room I do that in."

"Well, what if the star-crossed lovers want privacy tomorrow morning?" Amy asked.

"Ha," Tawny mock laughed. "That's not going to happen, Amy, Not tonight. Especially with Ren's arm the way it is."

"I suppose," she said. "But you never know."

"Do you think it would be a good idea to go for _that_ right now? Given the circumstance?"

Amy shrugged. "If I were you and Ren was _finally_ willing..."

Tawny just shook her head. "Oh, can you take these with you?" she asked suddenly, bending down and picking up a pair of black high-heeled shoes.

"Oh, sure," Ruby replied, grabbing them. "We know where they go."

A few minutes later Ruby and Amy left, leaving a 'Do not disturb' sign on the handle of the door.

Shortly afterwards, Ren arrived. "Ok, I'm ready for 'the talk'."

Tawny sat down on one bed and Ren took a seat across from her on the other.

"So," Tawny sighed. "I'm not really sure where to begin."

Ren nodded. "Me neither. Is this really necessary? Because I can think of more enjoyable ways we could be spending this time. I mean, not--"

Tawny smiled. "No, we need to do this."

"Ok," Ren resigned. She knew Tawny was right. "Are you wanting to talk abot what happened on Valentine's? Like what exactly..."

"No," Tawny cut her off. "I know what happened..."

"Right, well..."

"Alright, I… I have my theories… as to what the problem was… from your side. I mean, what lead to what happened, not what ended up happening. But," Tawny paused a minute. "I just… I need you to tell me."

"Tell you?"

"Yeah," Tawny answered. "So I understand, for certain."

"I don't… I don't know what you want me to say, Tawny," Ren replied.

Tawny sighed, then signaled for Ren to wait a minute while she searched through one of her bags for something. She pulled out a thin stack of paper. "Here, these are your messages, the ones you left on my machine a month and a half ago. My dad wrote them all down to force me to look at them later. Or, he had my mom do it."

"So, I owe them a big thanks, I'm thinking?"

"Ha, I guess. My dad wouldn't have had much of an effect. I'd have been able to argue with him, but my mother…" Tawny shook her head. "Anyway, you say that you were… that you wanted to, uh, get experience and--"

"Yeah, I know what I said," Ren interrupted. "Why is that important?"

"Because, you never told me how you felt about the whole thing," Tawny replied. "If this is going to work, you have to tell me. Remember how when I was… venting to Amy and Twitty and you overheard? You wanted me to only talk about those sorts of things with you, well, it goes both ways. And it's pretty useless if you aren't saying anything about the important stuff."

Ren nodded. "I still don't know what you want me to say to all of this. I'm still not… confident about… but I can…Tawny, I don't want to be humiliated. That's it. You've done it, you know what you're doing, and I don't."

"I told you that I was ok with waiting and I was, I am," Tawny interjected.

Ren shook her head. "But you'd rather be--"

"That's not important though," Tawny started.

"Yes it is," Ren's voice raised a little, before dropping into almost a whisper. "Because I want to be able to give you what you want."

"What I want is you, _when you're ready_," Tawny answered. "Not you when you're just trying to satisfy me. I want it to be good for you too, Ren, and, no matter how much experience I have, if you're racked with nerves the whole time, you aren't going to have a good time."

"I hate that you're having to wait for me," Ren mumbled, staring at the ground.

"I don't know what to say to that," Tawny sighed. "Not everything can be perfect, Ren."

"Yeah," Ren said, her voice full of disappointment.

"But you shouldn't let things like that bother you so much," Tawny explained. "Honestly, Ren, if you didn't spend so much time over-thinking and over-analyzing things like this, you'd probably… the more you think about it, the longer it's going to take for you to be ready. If you don't think about it, if you just let things happen…"

"I don't know how _not_ to over-think things," Ren said, clearly annoyed. She laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "It just happens. It's me."

"I know that," Tawny replied. "I analyze things all the time too. I mean, my parents are shrinks. But when something is really bothering me, I have to just let go of it, otherwise I'll never figure it out. Once I let go, it comes to me eventually. Sort of like an epiphany or something."

Ren didn't respond, only continued staring at the ceiling.

Tawny moved over to the other bed, taking a seat beside Ren. "You just can't try too hard with these kinds of things."

"I know," Ren sat up. "You don't have to… is this enough? I don't… we got the sex thing sorted out right? You don't mind waiting, I feel horrible about it and--"

"I don't want you to feel horrible about it, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all," Tawny interjected.

"But I do, and I don't think that's going to change."

"Ren…"

"How can I not feel bad about it?"

"Because!"

"Because why?"

"Because _I_ don't care! Why should you be so upset about holding out on me, if I'm fine with it? And I _am_ fine with it. I'm not saying this just to make you feel better or anything."

"You said yourself that patience doesn't work well for you."

"Ren," Tawny groaned. "I said that because patience didn't work well for me because… obviously you didn't respond to my patience as expected."

"That's a way to put it," Ren scoffed, getting to her feet.

"Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?" Tawny stood up as well.

"I don't know," Ren sighed, starting to pace back and forth. "I'm sorry. I want… I want to _be_ with you, Tawny. I'm not just holding out on you, I'm holding out on me too. And it aggravates me. I want it and I could have it but I just… And it makes it worse that I know you're waiting for it."

"Well," Tawny sighed. "I don't know what to tell you."

"Just…tell me to do it, I work best under pressure," Ren said, turning her attention to Tawny. "So make me do it."

"Ren…"

"Make me!" she snapped.

"What do you… I don't…" Tawny was utterly confused.

Ren grabbed her and kissed her passionately.

Tawny was completely caught off guard and before she knew it she was on the bed, Ren on top of her, aggressively running her hands over her body, working to get her shirt off, undoing her belt…


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: **This isn't much, simply a morning after shorty…

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

Tawny blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to the bright morning sun beaming in through the window. She shivered and pulled the sheet tight around her—that's when she realized she was naked. That's when she remembered what had happened.

She propped herself up on her elbows, glancing around the room. She was alone.

The shower was running.

She yawned and sat up all the way, pulling the sheet up over her shoulders. Where was the comforter? Oh, piled on the floor at the foot of the bed. Ren had knocked it off during her motivated speedy efforts.

Tawny rubbed her eyes. Maybe it was just because she hadn't gotten any in seven months, but Ren wasn't nearly as bad as she'd expected—of course, those expectations were brought on by Ren's personal insecurity, not Tawny's initial assumption. It wasn't the best or anything, but it certainly wasn't bad.

She hadn't expected Ren to be so rough, and wondered now, if that's how Ren would always be… or, now that she'd done it, gotten over the hurdle, would she be more relaxed next time? She had relaxed by the time Tawny was ready to give her some, it was only when she was playing the giver that she'd been so domineering. Although, honestly, Tawny had to admit, she'd liked it. She hoped Ren wouldn't be too passive later on…

She bit her lip. But should she have gone along with it? Ren had taken her by surprise, pushing her down on the bed and kissing her hard on the lips. Tawny hardly had a chance to resist if she wanted to, so swiftly Ren had ignited the surge of long-restrained desire. She hadn't thought it a good idea, given the circumstance—that Ren had cheated, they'd only just gotten back together. But that reserve, that logic, she was unable to cling to for very long. More often than not, reason falls prey to stronger impulses. And sexual impulses were among the most formidable of opponents.

Suddenly, someone banged on the door. "Ren? Tawny? I need to pack my things, check out is in an hour!" Ruby's distinct voice boomed through the door.

Tawny got up, wrapped the sheet around her, doing her best to cover her bare body, and moved to the door. She peeked through the spy-hole to see if anyone else was outside, then pulled it open.

"Hey, I need…" Ruby's voice trailed off. "Well, well, well…I thought it wasn't a good idea given the circumstance?"

Tawny shrugged. "I don't know if it was. But it just sort of happened."

"And?"

"And?"

"Details, woman!"

"No," Tawny shook her head. "You know how she is about--"

"But she can't get mad at you for awhile," Ruby interrupted. "You can retaliate easy now."

"Ruby," Tawny protested.

"Come on! Just tell me, on a scale of 1-10, how was it?"

Tawny hesitated. "I guess… maybe a 6 or 7?"

"That's good! For a first time, anyway," Ruby nodded. "Isn't it?"

"What? Yeah, sure. No, she was pretty good. Just, get your things and get out of here."

"Yeah, yeah," Ruby giggled as she hurriedly ran inside and gathered her belongings. "Check out is at 11, by the way."

"I know, my stuff is all packed from last night already," Tawny explained. "Hurry up."

A few minutes later, Ruby left.

The shower turned off.

Tawny sat down on the bed and waited for Ren to come out.

Ruby entered her room, all smiles.

"What?" Amy asked.

"Well," Ruby began, only to be cut off by the ring of her cell. "Hold on. Hello?"

"Ruby?"

"Ren?"

"Yeah, um, I have… we, uh…"

"You guys did it? _Finally_?"

Amy could hardly contain her excitement.

"How did you know?" Ren asked, bewildered.

"I just got my things and Tawny was naked in a sheet," Ruby answered, matter-of-factly.

"So she's awake?"

"What? Yeah, she's awake. Aren't you in the room with her?"

"No, I'm in the bathroom, I just got out of the shower."

"And had to call me? Ren, I think you should go out to Tawny right now and…"

"And say what? What do I say? I don't know how I'm supposed to act and--"

"Oh my God, are you fucking kidding me?" Ruby laughed. "Just go." She hung up.

"She just called me to ask how she's supposed to act when she sees Tawny," Ruby said, turning to Amy.

"She's priceless, really," Amy shook her head. "So, details?"

Ren sighed and finished buttoning her shirt. She took her jeans, neatly folded on the counter top, and pulled them on. Was it even ok? Tawny had said she did a good job…but, should she have waited? They had just gotten back together, after all. But they'd been arguing and Ren was frustrated and she looked at Tawny, standing there all perfect and beautiful and… she wanted her. And she took her. And Tawny didn't resist in the least. But still, had she been too aggressive? She half-smiled… Ren Stevens, too fast?

She opened the door and took a deep breath, stepping out into the main room.

Tawny was sitting on the end of the bed, wrapped in the white sheet, TV remote in hand, channel surfing. When she noticed Ren, she turned off the TV and tossed the remote over to the other bed. "Hey."

"Um, h-hi-h-hey," Ren stuttered, making her way over to Tawny and sitting down beside her.

"So," Tawny started, not really sure what to say.

Ren didn't look at her, only sat there, wondering to herself why she couldn't think of anything other than the fact that Tawny was naked under that sheet.

"Are you ok? You're not blinking," Tawny asked.

"Ye-yeah, I'm fine," Ren said, shaking herself from her daze. "I just, I was… you… I was…your… your naked."

"Am I?" Tawny asked, grinning.

Ren let out a deep breath, half-laughing.

Tawny smiled, furrowing her brow. "You're going to be a bundle of nerves every step of the way, aren't you?"

"What?" Ren asked, confused.

"Nothing," Tawny replied. "I'm going to take a shower now."

She leaned up, giving Ren a quick kiss on the cheek, then rose and headed toward the bathroom.

Ren sighed, a little annoyed at herself.

A few seconds later the crumpled white sheet landed on her head. She heard the bathroom door shut and the shower start.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: **We've had a lot of drama lately, and I figured it was ok to cool things down for a bit. This chapter is a bit jerky, not my best work by far, it simply meant to move things along, provide some exposition and set up. It's not long, but covers quite a bit of time because I didn't have the energy to make three full-length chapters centering on little things like this, though my notes do decree that this is 3 chapters worth of material. I just made one and combined the elements of all three into it and even so it's not very long. Just an average length chapter. I ramble far too much. Anyway, I don't think I'll be updating as frequently now because of school, but I will be updating again. I will try to get at least a chapter or two posted each week, but I make no promises. And of course, if inspiration strikes, I could be posting five chapters in one week… there's no telling…

**Chapter Thirty**

Ren waited anxiously on the curb in front of her house. It had been four days since they returned from Tahoe and she knew her acceptance letters were due. She waited for them every day after school when the mail came.

She had also been trying to read one of the Poe stories Tawny had recommended, and was only finding it tiresome and macabre, rather than brilliant and intriguing, as Tawny had claimed it would be. She wasn't reading them so much out of interest as due to the fact that they reminded her of her blue-eyed angel.

They'd talked a little more about the sex issue after Tawny'd had gotten out of the shower, Ren feeling the need to apologize for being so aggressive, only to find that Tawny liked it. Her exact words were: 'You can do that anytime you want, babe.'

Ren smirked at the thought. Tawny had seemed quite satisfied that night. And even more so last night, for that matter. Of course, Ren's nagging self-doubt and need for reassurance kept telling her that Tawny was only being constructive for her sake. Or that Tawny had forgotten how good it could be.

Whatever Tawny's stance truly was, Ren was getting increasingly comfortable with both the idea and that actions that followed. And that was good for both of them. Things were good between them.

Soon enough the mailman arrived and handed Ren the mail, which, to her delight, contained three large envelopes. She hurried inside, tossed the rest of the mail down on the countertop and opened the three envelopes. She had been accepted to Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. Grinning ear-to-ear, hardly able to control herself, she couldn't help but squeal with joy, before realizing that no one was home to share the moment with. Quickly she grabbed her cell and called her mother with the news. Then her father, then Ruby, and then Tawny—who she only held off on due to the fact that she was in rehearsal for the school's One Act Festival, two of which she was starring in. Due to various issues, the spring play had been cancelled and replaced with the Festival, and was set to premiere the following week for a three-day run on the heels of Improv Day.

Tawny didn't answer her phone.

Ren sighed and sifted through the other mail, considering there was a chance her Dartmouth letter had come as well, only bearing less joyous news. She had no intention of attending Dartmouth now that the other three had accepted her, but she wouldn't be happy in the least about being rejected. Nevertheless, she checked, and was relieved not to find a letter from the school. She did, however, find a letter from a company whose scholarship she'd applied for. She opened the letter to find that she'd been offered a full-ride on the condition that she attend Yale.

"Well, then," she smiled. "That's that."

Yale had been her first choice anyway, though her father had been more into Harvard for some reason. This would certainly sway him though.

She picked up her phone and called her mom again with the update.

"That's wonderful, honey!" Eileen was ecstatic. "We'll go out tonight to celebrate, invite some friends! We'll meet at Channings around 6:30. Make sure to pick up Louis, or let him know."

"Will do," Ren said.

"Oh, I'm so proud of you, Ren!"

After ending the call with her mom, she tried Tawny again.

"Hello?" She sounded out of breath.

"I've got some news," Ren said, trying her best to contain herself.

"Did your letters come? What do—you got in right? Where? What--"

"I got a full-ride to Yale!"

"That's great, baby! Congratulations!"

"Yeah, my family is going out to dinner tonight to celebrate and I—you want to come?"

"Sure, yeah," Tawny replied. "I'm going to be here until six though."

"That's fine. How about I just pick you up from the school?"

"Sounds good."

"Ok, see ya."

"Yeah, later. And congratulations again!"

"Thanks, bye," Ren hung up.

* * *

Dinner went well-enough, in spite of Steve's exuberant hollering about what a success his daughter was—he just had to let every other person in the restaurant know.

She got a few 'congratulations' and someone from another table bought her a dessert.

"Well, you'd think we could pay for a slice of cheesecake since we're not paying for your school!" Eileen laughed.

The evening's outing ended with an uncharacteristically joke-free toast from Louis. "Ok, so, I know I've devoted a good portion of my life to making you miserable, Ren. But I only did it out of love. And I know this year I was particularly… well, I wasn't much trouble, but I didn't make things easy for you either. And clearly I'm no good at these things…. I just wanted to say that I love you, I'm proud of you, you've got a great girl, a great family, and a great future ahead of you. So, to Ren!"

Afterwards, Louis drove his dad's car home (he'd come with Ruby, who departed alone), Steve and Eileen took her car, and Ren drove Tawny home.

"I still can't believe you got a full-ride!" Tawny exclaimed, sitting in the passenger seat. "I mean, you _are_ Ren Stevens, I guess… but still. It's really impressive."

"Thanks," Ren nodded, still beaming herself.

They pulled up to Tawny's house. The lights were out.

"They're still out of town, you want to come in? We could watch a movie or something. There's actually supposed to be this movie on that I was going to watch—well, that I _have_ to watch, for class--that you might like."

"Sure," Ren nodded, turning off the car and pulling the key from the ignition.

Almost as soon as Tawny shut the door, Ren grabbed her and planted a firm kiss on her lips.

Tawny smiled slightly when Ren pulled away. "What was that for?"

"Nothing, I've just been waiting for the opportunity," Ren said, grinning. She slipped her arms around Tawny's waist and held her body close, leaning down for a second, gentler kiss.

They made their way to the couch where they continued to kiss several minutes before turning the television on.

* * *

April and May flew by in record time, and before she knew it, Ren was standing before all her classmates and their families, delivering an inspirational speech about persevering, standing up to adversity, and all that mumbo-jumbo people expect to hear at high school graduations. Next thing she knew, she was walking across the stage, picking up her diploma, to massive applause.

For some reason it wasn't until that moment, watching Ren pick up her diploma, that it really sunk in for Tawny: They'd just had two _great_ months together, but would only have two and a half more before Ren would be leaving.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:** Well, this ended up being much more of a recap than I'd expected… And I've worked in a little shout out to one of the show's earliest episodes…

**Chapter Thirty-One**

The audience cheered as the line of graduates continued to cross the stage, one by one, collecting their diplomas, all smiles.

Tawny sat back in her chair, lost in thought, recollecting the past year's events.

At first sight, there in the restaurant back in September, Tawny had figured, as Amy had predicted, that nothing would happen with Ren. She was Louis' sister, though she had always intrigued her to a degree.

She followed the waiter to the table and was completely shocked to find Ren sitting there. Ren was just as shocked and didn't hide it nearly as well. Even so, Tawny had gotten her to calm down and they enjoyed the rest of the evening. Tawny had enjoyed it so much that she had kissed Ren on her doorstep at date's end. It was short and sweet, but it made her feel all those things that you were supposed to feel when you kissed someone, when it was a kiss that mattered anyway. She'd used to feel that way about Louis… Louis, the thought that killed her euphoria. She had stupidly agreed to date him again in spite of feeling nothing for him...well, not nothing. He was Louis. There was always something. But it just wasn't… _it_. Not anymore.

It took her a surprisingly long time to break things off with him, considering the circumstance, but it didn't really matter because her pursuit of Ren was all but fruitless. Until the kiss at Amy's party. Ren Stevens was as good a kisser as she was at everything else. And standing in the moments after that kiss required every ounce of strength Tawny could muster.

She had managed to calm herself by the time Ren returned, only to request that they pursue a friendship before thinking about anything else. Tawny hadn't been at all happy with the idea of just being friends with Ren, but she really didn't have another choice, so she agreed. Thankfully, it didn't last long and by early October they were officially, secretly, an item.

When did they become more than friends? Well, really, they had been more than friends starting the moment she'd kissed Ren at the end of their date. But officially? When Ren kissed her at lunch at the deli across from the school.

And then there had been their first date. Dinner plans nearly ruined, but really turning out for the better, as far as Tawny was concerned. Ren took her to a play and made her dinner. That had become something of a ritual with them too. Ren liked to cook for Tawny. And even though Ren complained throughout the meal that spaghetti wasn't spaghetti without the meat, they both clearly enjoyed themselves.

It took some time for Ren to come out to everyone, but she did eventually. So things were good for awhile, not getting rocky until the issue of sex came up. Tawny had gone from fairly frequent one-night-stands to cold abstinence, and hadn't adjusted as well as she could've. Nevertheless, she managed to overcome that. Ren, however, did not. She wanted nothing more than to provide Tawny with whatever she wanted, but she wasn't ready for sex. She was nervous that her lack of experience wouldn't satisfy Tawny. Wasn't ready until Valentine's Day when she'd filled herself up with some vodka and decided to _practice_ with a girl Louis picked up.

Tawny shifted uneasily in her seat at the thought.

"Everything ok?" Louis yelled over the ruckus.

Tawny nodded, drifting back into her revelry.

Consequently, they spent over a month apart, before reuniting in Lake Tahoe. That same night, Ren finally got over her fears of inadequacy, taking Tawny by surprise with her aggressiveness.

Tawny smiled at the memory. In the past two months they'd fooled around much more and Ren had grown increasingly comfortable in bed. She was gentler, usually, than she had been that night. But every once in awhile she let the animal out.

Then, shortly after getting back together, Ren had received her acceptance letters to college. She was going to Yale.

Tawny hadn't fully comprehended what that meant, for whatever reason, and was simply happy for her. This was everything Ren had worked for.

They'd celebrated that night.

They spent almost every day together, never tiring of each other's presence. They spent hours just lying around, holding each other. They spent hours talking.

Just days before Ren had sitting on the floor in Tawny's bedroom, leaning against the foot of her bed. Tawny was pacing back and forth, nervous about a speech she had to give in her history class—sure, Tawny had no problem performing or reading her poetry before an audience, but formal speeches in front of the class? Something was different about them and it made them terrifying. Not for Ren though, naturally.

"Come here," Ren pulled Tawny down to her lap, and wrapping her arms around the younger girl. "You need to calm down. You'll do fine. Just think of it as a role you're playing."

"It's not the same," Tawny retorted.

Ren didn't respond, only smiled and inhaled the coconut scent of Tawny's soft hair as she played with it.

"So, you agree then?"

"What?" Ren started.

"You give speeches all the time, you're never nervous."

"You perform and aren't nervous. I'd be nervous if I was doing a play. And I get nervous reading anything original in front of an audience. I've never heard about the opposite though. But, I suppose it suits you, right? _Because you're an original and I'm not_."

"Oh my God," Tawny said, blushing and covering her face with her hands.

"Oh yes, I remember that one," Ren laughed. "Quite an ego you've got there, Miss Dean."

"Yeah, that one was pretty…"

"It was _deep_," Ren said, her voice oozing with sarcasm.

"Shut up," Tawny replied, giving Ren a playful shove. "You can be so annoying sometimes."

"But you _love_ me," Ren said, grinning wildly. She gave Tawny a quick kiss on the neck.

"You know _what_ I love about you?" Tawny half-turned to face her.

"There's a specific thing?" Ren jokingly raised her eyebrow. "You don't love everything?"

Tawny grinned. "I love that you are such a dork."

"I am _not_ a dork."

"And I love that that offends you."

"Well, I'm not a dork."

"And I love when you play with my hair."

"You have very play-worthy hair," Ren said with a smile, continuing to twirl her fingers through Tawny's dark locks. "I love your hair. And you eyes."

"Ha," Tawny laughed. "Everyone loves my eyes. Anything non-physical."

"I love you. I love everything about you. I have no specifics because I am the perfect girlfriend."

"Shut up, you're such a loser," Tawny replied, laughing as she leaned back against Ren, resting her head on the older girl's shoulder.

"Losers don't go to Yale," Ren replied, kissing Tawny on the forehead.

"Come on, time to go," Louis' voice snapped her out of her trance yet again. She rose from her seat and they followed the crowds of people filing out of the auditorium and seeking out the graduates. Tawny sighed as she stepped out into the aisle. Be happy for her, she thought, you're just being selfish now.

But they'd been inseparable the past two months.

When Ren left for Yale, 2,547 miles would separate them.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: **Remember to review, people. No reviews, no updates. Just a reminder. The minimum is technically still 3, but I might bump it to 5 soon. Thanks to everyone who has!

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

"Hey," Ren sat down across the table from Ruby.

"Hey, Ren!" Ruby replied, leaning over for a quick hug. "What are you doing here? I mean, I didn't think you came here without me. And I thought you were working?"

"I'm meeting Tawny. I told her to meet me here so I could see you," Ren answered. "And I finished early today, so here I am."

"Well, I'm touched but I thought the press never sleeps…or something. You're meeting _Tawny_ at _the_ _mall_?"

"Yeah," Ren shrugged. "The journalism aspect is minimal, Ruby. Occasionally I get the chance to cover a story, but mostly I am a slave to the advertising department. And Tawny works at Garrison Books."

"Ah, ok. So you're just meeting here, then going somewhere else, I imagine? Somewhere more Tawny-friendly."

Ren nodded. "Garrison's is Tawny-friendly. But, not really a good hanging out kind of place. At least not in my opinion. She'd never leave if I didn't make her—all month she's been there if not home. She really loves working there. And speaking of work, aren't you supposed to be doing that right now?"

"Oh, right, work, how long have I been on break?" Ruby glanced at her watch. "Ooh, ten minutes too long."

"Ruby," Ren chided, shaking her head. "I can't believe you've managed to keep working at Your Toast for this long."

"What can I say? I'm a charmer," she grinned. "But now I have to go. And Tawny's over there, at the directory."

They parted and Ren headed over to find Tawny scanning the map of the mall.

"Hey," Ren snuck up behind her, startling her a little.

"Oh, hey," Tawny said, smiling as she stepped away from the map.

"You've worked here for a month and still don't know your way around?"

"I know my way around the bookstore," Tawny replied, matter-of-factly.

"Well, obviously, since you've officially moved in there and all."

"Yeah, well," she shrugged. "Oh! That reminds me, I have something very important to ask you."

"What?"

"Where did you get that copy of _Tales of Mystery and Imagination_ that you gave me?"

"Why?"

"Because, my boss said that edition is worth, like, $50,000 and I'm trying to prove him wrong. I figured you picked it up at Barnes and Nobles or something."

"$50,000?" Ren stammered, stopping in her tracks. "Really?"

"Well, he seems to think so. But you probably got it for, what? $30? Maybe $40 since it's such an old edition… which is a bit expensive, mind you. Ren?"

"Oh my God," she took out her cell phone and scrolled to her grandma's number.

"Hello?"

"Grandma?"

"Ren, hello dear! How are you?"

"Good, you?"

"Wonderful. How about that girlfriend of yours, the one with the pretty blue eyes? What's her name again?"

"Tawny. She's great. Do you remember when we were talking in December about a gift for her? And you gave me that book?"

"Did she not like it? Awful late in confessing, isn't she? I talked a bit about Poe with her at Thanksgiving, I was sure she'd love it."

'No, she does. I just… where did you get that book?"

"_Tales of Mystery and Imagination_? I'm sure you can pick it up in almost any bookstore."

"But _that_ version, with the special illustrations?"

"Oh, that is a special one. I reckon it's worth a whole shit-load of money."

"Grandma!" Ren gasped.

"Ooh, pardon my French, dear. But I just didn't know how to express myself properly. It must be a pricy little number."

"Why would you give something worth that much to me for a gift?"

"You're not serious?" Tawny interjected. Ren gestured for her to keep quiet.

"Because, I don't need the money or anything, and I thought that Tawny would enjoy it. Is she there? Put her on."

Ren handed the phone to Tawny.

"Hey, Mrs. Rosenthal," Tawny said as she took the phone. "Thank you so much for the book. I can't believe--"

"Call me Maureen, darling," she insisted. "And let's not talk about the book. There are more important things than money—like my granddaughter."

"Ok, Maureen," Tawny responded smiling.

"How are things? Is Ren behaving? I heard about that whole Valentine's fiasco from Louis and I want you to know that I chewed her out big time."

Tawny looked at Ren, who was leaning against a railing, still shocked at the material worth of her gift. "She's been good."

Ren raised an eyebrow. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Good, I am so glad you gave her a second chance. You've been so good for her. You really are such a wonderful girl, Tawny. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

Tawny grinned broadly and looked at Ren. She mouthed the words: I love your grandma.

Ren nodded. "She's loveable, if not inappropriate at times."

"So, I imagine by now then you two have moved forward? Upgraded, if you will, to a sexual relationship?"

"What?" Tawny asked, startled that the woman, forward as she may be, would ask that of all things.

"Sex, I know you know what it is-- you kids are exposed to such things far earlier than my generation was. Now, Ren--was she worth the wait?"

"Uh," Tawny hesitated. This was just awkward.

"I've gone and made you terribly uncomfortable, I know. But I'm old, I can say whatever I want. Just say 'yes' or 'no', dear."

"Yes, yeah, she was, is…" Tawny answered, blushing a little as she said it.

"What are you guys talking about?" Ren said, stepping closer to her, as if to listen in or something.

"Well, good. Stubborn girl was so nervous and for no reason really. She just gets things in her head, you know? And she's just so damn stubborn."

"She is, definitely," Tawny agreed, holding her hand up, holding Ren away.

"She needs to work on that."

"I think she's gotten better."

"Thanks to you."

"Well, I don't know about that but…"

"It's the truth, darling. Just accept it. That's all you can do."

"Well, ok then," Tawny resigned.

"Alright, well, tell Ren I love her and that I want her to be good to you, and you be good to her too. Love you two. Bye bye."

"Your grandma is my second favorite person in the entire world."

"Second?" Ren seemed startled, maybe even a little offended.

"Well, the first is you, babe," Tawny responded, slipping her arms around Ren's waist.

"Oh, well, ok then."

"You are ordered to be good to me, by the way. And to work on not being so stubborn."

"I've been good about that lately."

"You have. I said that."

Ren sighed. "So, anyway, you have a birthday coming up. As in, tomorrow."

"Oh, no," Tawny groaned.

"Ok, you're only turning 17, a tad young to be dreading the birthdays. But, what do you want to do? And what do you want? I don't know if I'll be able to acquire another $50,000 book, but who knows…"

"Behind on your shopping, huh? I don't care what you get me, I'm just relieved I have another three months until your birthday. Nor do I care what we do. Anything. You pick. No surprise parties though."

"Ok," Ren nodded with a smile. "I'll choose."


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

"Tawny, sweetheart, come here," Joanne Dean beckoned her daughter into the kitchen. "We have a couple things to discuss."

"Alright," Tawny said as she made her way over to both of her parents sitting at the kitchen table. "What is it?"

"First of all," her father, Roger, started, standing up and holding out his arms. "Happy birthday!"

"Oh, yeah," Tawny grinned as both her parents gave her hugs.

"Now, onto more important things," Joanne continued.

"More important than the birth of your only child?" Tawny asked, feigning hurt.

"You and your sarcasm," Joanne said, chuckling lightly. "I wanted to know how you and Ren are doing."

"Oh, uh, good. We're doing fine."

"She's going to Yale."

"Yes, yes she is," Tawny replied, clearing her throat.

"And how do you feel about that?"

"What do you mean how do I feel about that?" Tawny asked, getting annoyed. "I'm happy for her. She's thrilled. She's Ren Stevens, school is her life. And Yale is one of the best schools in the country."

"I know that, sweetheart," Joanne replied. "Have you two talked about it? About what you're going to do? Long-distance relationships aren't easy, you know."

"I know, no we haven't talked about… And I don't really want to talk about it with you guys, to be honest."

"Ok, well, I'm going to give you my two-cents anyway," Joanne insisted.

"Of course you are," Tawny mumbled, crossing her arms.

"You two should end it," she said, flatly.

"What?" Tawny's jaw dropped. "Wha—why?"

"Because, sweetheart, she's going to be on the other side of the country, with a whole new life, new friends, new… _interests_. I'm not saying that you two don't love each other, I know you do. But 3,000 miles is a long ways. And I know how you are. You need more than a phone call every week and holiday visits."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this…"

"Tawny, look," Her dad tried to intervene, to apply his gentler approach.

"No, why did you guys insist on us getting back together if you figure we were just going to break up anyway?"

"Because, honey, you were miserable. This isn't the same as that. This is an opportunity for you two to make a mutual, clean break. Let Ren go so she can really enjoy herself in college. Don't keep her tied to you. It won't work for either of you. I'm only saying this because I care about you, Tawny, you know that. I want you to be happy and when you're both here, being together does that. With 3,000 miles in between you, it won't."

Tawny just shook her head and rose from her seat, leaving the room angry and annoyed at her mother.

A couple hours later they both drove to the airport and boarded a jet for a conference in New York.

Tawny dropped down onto the living room couch, sinking into the cushions.

She'd been over at Ren's the day before, after their trip to the mall, and Steve had come bursting in with the plan tickets for next month. Ren was so excited about everything… every day she mentioned Yale and how thrilled she was. And time was going by too fast for Tawny.

Ren would be picked her up for dinner soon, and surely Yale would be mentioned this evening a few times too. Yale… the competition, the hot, leggy blonde girl who moved up from SoCal and stole all the attention. At least, that was the face Tawny chose to put to the institution that was stealing Ren from her… Stealing? No, Ren was willingly going. There was no force required because she wouldn't resist. Not an ounce of hesitation in her even…

A knock at the door signaled Ren's arrival and Tawny put on a smile, forcing her parents' advice out of mind, and went to answer it.

"Hey," she said as she pulled the door open.

"Hey, birthday girl," Ren said, grinning broadly. The 'I'm going to Yale' grin that hadn't left her face in weeks. She leaned down and gave Tawny a quick kiss.

"Ok, so, I have reservations at Giovanni's," Ren announced as they walked hand-in-hand to the car.

"Where we were supposed to have our first date," Tawny nodded.

"Yep," Ren smiled. "We will see if their spaghetti is better than mine."

Tawny laughed and climbed into the car.

Much to her surprise, Yale only received one mention during the entire meal—when Larry Beale came over to sincerely congratulate Ren on her acceptance. He'd be going to Princeton. He then also provided a special dessert for Tawny in light of her birthday… needless to say, he was in an uncharacteristically good mood.

The two of them returned to Tawny's house afterwards, heading up the lawn, hand-in-hand again.

"Though it was great, I think your spaghetti was better than theirs," Tawny said smiling. "The dessert was amazing… but I'm a little worried Larry spit in it or something."

Ren laughed. "God, I hope not."

"Well, we'll never know anyway, will we?"

"No," Ren agreed.

Tawny twisted the key in the lock and opened the door, they entered the dark house. She went to turn on the light, only to have Louis, Twitty, Amy, Ruby, Toby, and Tom jump out and yell: "SURPRISE!"

"What the hell?" Tawny stammered, stepping back, startled.

"Yeah, I know you said anything but this," Ren said, stepping up behind Tawny and wrapping her arms around her. "But I wanted to and since you gave the privilege of choice to me, this is what I chose."

Tawny smiled. "You know, I had a feeling you would do something like this."

Ren smiled and kissed her on the cheek. "It's small, at least."

"I'm not mad, you don't have to justify it," Tawny said, playfully running her finergs through Ren's hair.

"Ok, well, no getting all mushy-gushy while everyone else is here," Louis declared. "Let's do the cake!"

Twitty lit 17 candles on a German chocolate cake that Toby had made and began singing:

"Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday, dear Tawny,

Happy birthday to you!"

"Now make a wish!" Toby exclaimed.

Tawny never believed in all that wish-making garbage, even when she was a child, nevertheless the thought appeared in her head, against her will, 'I wish Ren would stay'. And she blew out 16 of the 17 candles, one flame on the corner flickering still with all its strength.

"Oh," Louis groaned with a laugh. "Almost, Tawny."

She threw a playful glare at him and blew out the last candle.

They stayed for awhile, giving their gifts and eating cake, just hanging out and talking. All very low-key. Everyone gradually left, usually in twos, until only Ren and Tawny remained.

"I'll never be able to top the $50,000 book, but here," Ren said, handing Tawny a small box.

Tawny opened the box to find a silver necklace with a small silver charm—a coin that said simply 'I'm yours, you're mine'.

Tawny smiled.

"I kind of have a rule of avoiding jewelry for you, since you have a very…different style. But I though this was simple and not too… lame or cheesy… I don't know… maybe it is for you… you are hard to shop for, honey."

"I love it," Tawny said, for some reason thinking of her parents' advice then.

"Really?" Ren asked, clearly not buying it.

"Yes, really, thank you," Tawny responded, collecting herself, pushing her parents out of mind again and leaning over to give Ren a quick kiss. She started to pull away but Ren kissed her again. When Ren finally let her go, she smiled. "You know what else you're going to give me for my birthday?"

"Some hot lovin'?" Ren asked, a sly grin covering her face.

Tawny laughed. "Yes, exactly."

Ren kissed her again before they moved upstairs to Tawny's bedroom.

* * *

The next morning Ren had to wake up early for work. She quietly, carefully slipped out of the bed and dressed herself.

It was 6 AM.

She considered waking Tawny to say goodbye, but opted against it, unable to bring herself to wake the sleeping blue-eyed girl, who was half exposed since Ren had climbed out of the bed.

Ren grinned, tilting her head to the side and examining Tawny's beautiful body. Then, out of the corner of her eye she noticed Tawny's Polaroid camera sitting on her desk. Unable to resist, Ren grabbed it and snapped herself a picture of Tawny, lying there, half-naked.

"Oh, she'll kill me…" Ren said, chuckling to herself as she waited for the photo to develop. She set the camera back down and gave Tawny a kiss on the forehead, then pulled the covers up over her body. "But you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen."

She left the house quietly, contemplating whether or not to keep the picture or destroy it. Tawny had asked to photograph her before, and she'd said no… but then, Tawny was much less modest than Ren. Either way at the thought of the photo, Ren couldn't help but smile.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N:** So many parties… I know… I lack creativity. This chapter was ready a couple days ago, but I had to wait until my review quota was met... _hint hint... _oh... I don't know where the asterisks went... :-(

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

Tawny sat at the kitchen table, wrapping Twitty's birthday present. Louis had planned a huge party at his house since Steve and Eileen were out of town for a wedding. She'd been sworn to secrecy and hadn't even told Ren, who was in charge of the Stevens abode and would be none to pleased when she learned of Louis' plan. But Tawny wouldn't be the one to tell her—she figured it was the least she could do for Louis after leaving him for his sister.

However, she _had_ considered talking to Ren about what her parents had said several times, but always opted against it. She really didn't know where to begin. She didn't know where Ren was in all of it. Ren was so focused on Yale that she didn't seem to notice much else—not like she neglected Tawny or anything, they saw each other almost every day, but she seemed oblivious to what Yale meant for them, for their relationship. She was so preoccupied with Yale that she didn't seem to realize that it would put nearly 3,000 miles in between them. They wouldn't see each other, they wouldn't touch each other... They could hear from each other but nothing else. All of these things either didn't bother Ren at all, or she just hadn't realized it. Tawny preferred to think it was the latter, that her overwhelming excitement about Yale was simply blinding her to everything else, even though Tawny would've liked to think that she rated high enough in Ren's priorities to have at least garnered some consideration in the past couple months...

As always, her mother's words had a way of finally sinking in though. And Tawny knew her parents had a very valid point. She _did_ require more than a few phone calls and holiday visits. She needed contact. Physical contact. Not just sex, but the little things—holding hands, cuddling, a hug, or a kiss. She needed it, it was essential. Her father had said it was because he and her mother weren't around enough. They were always working and so it made sense that Tawny would seek out someone with whom she could have a more in-the-flesh relationship, someone who was physically present the way her parents were not. And it so happened that at this point in her life, that person was Ren.

She'd almost brought it up earlier that day, but instead her and Ren got into a spat about a party Amy was throwing August 13th, the day before Ren left. It was Amy's only party that wasn't exclusive (mostly) to gay kids. It was her biggest party of the year. Tawny wanted to go to the party, Ren didn't. It was like Valentine's all over again. Ren probably wanted to spend time along with Tawny, wanted a romantic evening. Tawny, honestly, wouldn't have minded that if she wasn't so afraid of saying goodbye. All that weekend held for her was misery and the sense of impending doom had been hovering over her since Ren's graduation. Sometimes she managed to shove those feeling aside and enjoy her time with Ren, but more often than not the very sight of Ren triggered a sudden rise of pain in her chest. Somehow she felt that if they went to the party, it would be easier… she didn't know why she thought that though. Today was the first of the month and with Louis' birthday party for Twitty taking place, Ren was certain to nix the possibility of going to Amy's… two big parties in two weeks was two too many for Ren Stevens. Even if it made their parting easier on Tawny for some inexplicable reason.

No matter how much she tried not to think about it, the simple awareness of the fact persisted: August 14th was drawing near.

She let out a pained sigh at the thought and rose from her place at the table. It was 7 o'clock. Ren would be working late—until 9 or 10. She headed over to the Stevens.

The music could be heard from a block away and the house was flooded with people. The last time Tawny had attended such a massive gathering was Valentine's.

"Hey, Twitty," she said, putting on a happy face and throwing her arms around him. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Happy birthday!"

She handed him his gift and made her way into the crowds, soon enough finding herself stationed in the kitchen, taking in more than her share of wine. Hey, it was one way of forcing unwanted thoughts from her mind...

* * *

"Louis!" Ren showed up at 10 and was fuming, as expected. 

"Hey, Ren!" Twitty greeted her, his speech a tad slurred.

"Ren, baby, hi," Tawny said, sauntering over to Ren, in no way hiding the fact that she was wasted.

"You're here? You were in on this? Tawny! And you have the nerve to try and persuade me to go to Amy's party when you've already planned another big bash?"

"It's Twitty's birthday, and Louis made me promise not to tell. It's the least I could do for him," Tawny smiled and pulled Ren's face down to hers, planting a firm wine-flavored kiss on the taller girl's lips.

"You're drunk," Ren said, pulling away from Tawny, her voice a mixture of anger and annoyance.

"No," Tawny aggressively shook her head. "Tipsy… maybe."

Ren sighed with frustration.

"Don't be mad at me. It's not like I'm a total lush. It's not like this is regular. You've never even seen me drunk before, have you?" Tawny said, wrapping her arms around Ren's waist and pulling their bodies closer together. "Hmm? Baby?"

"No," Ren groaned. "I don't care. It's irresponsible and…and I'm in charge here. If something breaks or gets ruined or someone gets hurt… It'll be Louis' fault but I'll have to foot half the blame at least!"

"Everything will be fine," Tawny said, slipping one of her hands under Ren's shirt. "We should go upstairs."

"Ha," Ren scoffed. "No way. I don't want to be around you when you're like this."

"What?" Tawny asked, stepping back and furrowing her brow. "What? I can't let loose and have a little fun once in awhile?"

"You can, but if this is how you're going to do it, then count me out," Ren said, leaving Tawny standing there, hurt and shocked in the entry way.

"Louis, what the hell are you doing?" Ren said, grabbing her younger brother by the arm and forcing him to face her.

"It's just a little get together—like the one you threw for Tawny last month."

"Very funny, Louis. Look, I'm responsible for every--"

"Just chill, Ren. Everyone will be out in a few hours and me and Tom will clean everything up."

"You're going to clean it up by _my_ standards," she glared, resigning to the fact that the party was in full swing and there wasn't much she could do now. She could try and kick everyone out but those efforts would more than likely prove futile as they would probably just ignore her.

"Clean by your standards, Ren?" Ruby laughed, appearing beside the Stevens. "It wasn't _that_ clean to begin with."

Louis and Ruby both laughed and Ren just rolled her eyes.

"I'm just going to go ahead and take the see-no-evil, hear-no-evil approach to this… so I'll be in my room. Come get me if someone cracks their skull open or falls out a window."

"Ha, sure," Louis nodded.

"And keep and eye on Tawny for me," she added before turning and heading out of the living room and up the stairs.

"Ren's pretty turned off by the heavy drinking," Ruby said, turning to Louis. "Though Tawny's a pretty together drunk, if you ask me."

A few hours later Louis found Tawny sitting on the floor, hunched over in a corner near the front door.

"Tawny, what's wrong?" he asked, sitting down beside the sad girl.

"Nothing," Tawny groaned.

"Just drank too much?"

"Well, there is that."

"Something else?"

"Everything else," Tawny mumbled, her speech still slurred enough to show that her system was still chocked full of alcohol.

"What do you mean?" Louis pressed, seeking clarification.

"Nothing," she grumbled. "I want to talk to Ren. Where's Ren?"

"Upstairs. Here let me help you," he got to his feet and helped her to hers. The two ambled upstairs and he knocked on his sister's door.

"Yes?" Ren called from inside.

"It's Louis, Tawny wants to talk to you," he answered.

A few seconds later Ren opened the door. "Is she sober?"

"No, but here she is," he lightly pushed Tawny toward Ren, then turned and hurried back downstairs.

Ren sighed, looking at Tawny, who'd propped herself up against the door way. "Hey."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ren said, stepping out of the way and gesturing for her to enter.

Tawny staggered into the room and made her way to the bed, where she took a seat. "Come here."

"I'm not doing anything with you like--"

"Just sit next to me," Tawny interrupted. "I want to talk."

"Talk?" Ren sat down beside her. "Now? In this state you want to have a conversation? About what?"

"Us," Tawny stated simply. "I've been thinking about us a lot lately. Because you're leaving and you're going to be 3,000 miles away."

"I know," Ren said, nodding slowly.

"I don't want you to go," Tawny said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Ren was startled by the admission. "What?"

"I don't want you to go," Tawny repeated. "But you have to. I know you do. I don't expect you to stay for me. I'd hate myself if you stayed because I'd be robbing you of so much…"

"Tawny…"

"But I just… I don't want this to end," Tawny whispered, tears stinging her eyes. "And I'm bad at goodbyes... that's why I want to go to Amy's party. I don't want some special goodbye... I just want things to be normal. You know? I'm bad at endings."

"It's not ending, honey," Ren said, taking Tawny's hand in her own. "I'll call every week or every night, if you want, and you'll see me on holidays. It'll be easier than you think."

"For you it will, you'll be preoccupied with so much but for me…it'll be the same as now. Nothing new. But no you."

"Tawny," Ren started, her voice soft.

"I'm not asking you to stay, I'm just saying I wish this didn't have to end."

"It's not ending," Ren repeated.

"It has to," Tawny said, her voice sounding far away. "I can't do this. I can't… I need you to be here. I need more than phone calls, Ren. I need more. I need _you_, not just your voice. You. And you… you don't. I can't do long-distance. It'll be too hard for me."

"Tawny…"

"No," Tawny shook her head. "I...I think I'm going to throw up."

"I—oh, um," Ren quickly hurried her down the hall to the bathroom, and held her hair behind her head as she retched up a whole lot of wine and nothing else.

Afterwards she brought Tawny back to her room and prepared to resume the conversation, only to have Tawny fall asleep almost instantly upon hitting the bed.

* * *

The next morning Tawny awoke with a throbbing headache. She groaned and rolled over to face Ren. 

"Morning," Ren half-smiled, the prior evenings conversation on repeat in her head.

Tawny grinned and rolled herself on top of Ren.

"Whoa, hey," Ren replied, startled by the action. She moved her hands up onto the small of Tawny's back.

"Morning," Tawny smiled, kissing Ren lightly on the chin before groaning with pain and pressing her forehead down against Ren's chest.

Ren moved one hand up and began massaging the back of her head and neck. Clearly, Tawny had no recollection of what she'd said the night before, and Ren didn't know whether or not to bring it up. She was still confused as to why Tawny was so adamant that they end it. She was hurt and angry and upset, but she didn't know what to do about any of it. "We have some ibuprofen in the bathroom, do you want me to get you some?"

"No," Tawny replied, her voice muffled as her face was buried. "But you can keep up the massage."

"Ok," Ren answered.

A few moments of silence passed.

"We'll go to Amy's party," Ren said all of a sudden.

"Huh?" Tawny tilted her head a little.

"Amy's party. I changed my mind. I want to go. So, let's go."


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: **I tried to up this sooner bu the damn site wouldn't let me... Anyway, review fast and I'll post another chapter no later than sometime on Tuesday (PST), and then I'll post one on Thanksgiving too. All this require is a measley 3 reviews per chapter...

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

"Amy's really glad that you decided to come, Ren," Tawny said, glancing over from the passenger seat at her girlfriend.

Ren nodded. "Yeah, well."

Tawny shifted in her seat. "You know, we don't have to if you really don't want to."

"I do," Ren mumbled. "And you just said Amy was happy I was coming, I can't let her down now, can I?"

"Well…"

"I don't know why you're even bringing this up, you wanted to go and--"

"Yeah, I did. I'm sorry," Tawny interrupted her. "Let's not fight, ok? You remember last time we got into a fight before a party?"

Ren gripped the steering wheel, thinking: Do _you_ remember the last party we were at, Tawny?

Tawny focused her attention on the road in front of them. It was long and windy, making its way down to the coast and Amy's grandparent's place there. She glanced over at Ren. She seemed tense. She'd been… different these last two weeks, but Tawny couldn't quite place what had changed in her. Sometimes she seemed angry with her for no reason… she wouldn't yell or anything she just…had this look, this icy stare that honestly scared Tawny a little. Maybe she finally realized what was in store for them? Tawny sighed at the thought, tears briefly threatening her eyes. She blinked them back. Tonight, you're going to have fun, she thought. You're going to have a good time and tomorrow is when it will end. Not tonight. Tonight everything is still ok. She looked back at Ren. It's still ok, she repeated to herself.

The plan was to break up with Ren after the party the following morning, hours before she left for her flight. Tawny wanted to stay with her as long as possible.

Ren's eye stayed fixed on the road, her knuckles white. Plenty of people managed long-distance relationships, why couldn't they? When was Tawny going to tell her that? When was she going to end it? Here? At the party? Or was she planning on breaking the news to her tomorrow at the airport? She needed _more than phone calls_… Ren knew what that meant. She needed her sex. The little whore probably wanted one last night with her. Ren let out a frustrated sigh and glanced to her right. Tawny was smiling at her.

"Everything ok?" she asked.

Ren took a moment before answering, admiring those beautiful blue eyes that were locked on her. Tawny wasn't happy about it ending, Ren reminded herself. She just thought it was what had to be. She didn't want it. She wasn't trying to hurt her… she was hurting herself just as much. "Yeah, everything is fine."

Tawny smiled again and leaned over, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

Ren gripped the wheel tighter. You don't love me enough, she thought. But she forced a smile.

A few moments of silence passed and they arrived at Amy's beach place.

Tawny was quick to get out of the car and head toward the house, stopping a few feet past the hood of the car when she realized Ren wasn't following. She walked back over to the driver's side and opened the door. "What are you doing? Come on."

She grabbed Ren by the wrists.

Ren turned and climbed out of the car. She pushed her hands downward, forcing Tawny to lean into her. Ren pressed her forehead against Tawny's. "I love you too."

Tawny looked up at her and grinned. She moved her arms around Ren's waist and kissed her.

Hand-in-hand they made there way to the jam-packed house. "Do you remember what happened last time we were here?"

"I tried to get you to be my friend?"

"It was the first time you kissed me," Tawny said.

Ren nodded and slipped her arm around Tawny's waist. "I remember."

"It was a good kiss," Tawny reflected. "You are a rather good kisser, if I may say so myself."

"You may say so," Ren nodded, laughing a little. "You aren't half bad yourself, honey."

"Hey!" Amy greeted them as they entered the house. "You two look cozy."

Tawny smiled and then dragged Ren off to the dance floor. "We didn't dance last time, so we're going to now."

"Ok, whatever you want," Ren replied, quietly.

Tawny pulled her close. "Are you sure everything's ok?"

Ren nodded, noticing the hint of a tear in Tawny's eye. "Are _you_ ok?"

"Yeah," Tawny nodded, turning away and leading her further into the dance floor. Ren could tell she was wiping her eye with her free hand.

They danced for awhile, both trying their hardest to enjoy their time together.

Ruby spotted them and caught Ren's attention soon enough. She pushed her way through the crowd over to them,

"Can I steal her from you for a few minutes?" Ruby asked Tawny, noting Ren's off behavior.

"Sure, not for long though," Tawny said, releasing Ren. "Is Twitty here?"

"Yeah," Ruby replied. "He's over there." She pointed further across the dance floor.

Tawny disappeared into the crowd.

Ruby grabbed Ren and dragged her down the hall, into a bedroom.

"Hmm, I don't think Tawny will like this, Ruby," Ren said. "Last time I went to a party I ended up in a bedroom with another girl and Tawny wasn't happy with me at all."

"What was that look you gave me out there?"

"What?"

"Ok, well, you weren't really directing at me… but something's wrong, I can tell."

"You said we looked cozy," Ren mumbled. "What's wrong with that?"

"Ren!"

"She's going to break up with me," Ren muttered.

"What?"

"Tawny's going to break up with me," she repeated.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what do I mean? She's going to break up with me. What about that don't you understand?"

"Did she tell you this? Then why are you here together?"

Ren sighed.

"Well?"

"At Twitty's birthday, a couple weeks ago. She was drunk and she told me she couldn't do long-distance. She said she needed more than phone calls. She needs contact, Ruby. Physical contact. And since I can't give her that if I'm in Yale…" Ren's voice trailed off and she found herself unable to stop the tears from coming. "I'm sorry. I don't know why…"

"Oh, Ren," Ruby said, sitting beside her friend and wrapping her arm around her. "She was drunk?"

"Yeah, she doesn't remember saying anything," Ren explained. "The next morning she acted like nothing had happened. Like everything was just… normal."

"Well, then maybe she was just upset. Maybe she doesn't really feel that way."

"No, she does."

"I can't imagine her not even trying the long-distance thing."

"She's not going to try. She wanted to come here because she wanted things to be normal tonight. She doesn't want anything special. She told me that when she was drunk too. So, here we are. I just don't know when she's going to do it. Tomorrow probably. It's been so hard to keep everything together these last two weeks, Ruby," Ren said. "I just… sometimes I get so angry when I see her, and other times I'm just so sad…and… I just… I hate this. I hate it."

"Twitty!" Tawny called to him on the dance floor. "Come here!"

"What?" he asked when he got to her.

"I need to talk to you about something," she said, grabbing his wrist and dragging him out onto the deck.

"Is everything ok?" he asked with concern as they took a seat on a bench at the deck's edge.

"No," Tawny said, her eyes brimming with tears. "I wanted to come here tonight, I did. With Ren… so we could have a normal night, you know? Not some special goodbye thing…but I… it's hard. I'm trying to keep it all together but I just… I don't want her to leave me."

"Tawny, she'll be back before you know it for the holidays, and then spring break," Twitty explained, rubbing her shoulder.

"No, I can't do that. I need to be able to see her, to touch her, just need to be around her. I love her, Twitty. I love her _so_ much. And I have to end it tomorrow. I know she won't. I know she wants to go ahead and stay together but I can't do it. I know I can't. And I don't want to have to end it with her over the phone a month from now."

"Why are you so sure it won't work out?"

"I don't know…"

Suddenly Ren appeared outside on the deck. She didn't notice Tawny and Twitty though, simply walked hurriedly across the deck and descended onto the beach sand. She started to walk down the shore, her hands on her hips.

Tawny rose and headed after her.

Ruby appeared outside then, and Twitty headed over to her.

"This really blows," he said.

"Tell me about it," Ruby replied.

"Ren!" Tawny called, causing her to stop in her tracks and turn half way so that she was facing the ocean allowing Tawny to catch up with her. "What are you doing down here?"

"Why…" Ren started, but stopped.

Tawny put her hand on Ren's arm. "Baby?"

"Don't call me that," Ren growled suddenly, stepping away.

"What?" Tawny's voice was barely above a whisper. She knew this was it.

"You…" Ren couldn't get the words from her throat. Tears were stinging her eyes and she made little effort to keep them from falling. "I don't understand."

"I don't know what you're talking about--" Tawny tried, though she had enough of an idea.

"You don't… you're going to… end this. You can't do it. You don't want to. You need your sex and I can give you that from Yale."

"What?" Tawny stammered. "No, I don't… it has nothing to do with sex, Ren."

"You want _contact_. You want sex."

"I want you. I don't…I just don't think--"

"You don't love me enough to make this work."

"No," Tawny's voice cracked, her own tears burning then. "That's not true. You know that's not true."

"It could work, Tawny. We could do this," Ren insisted, in her voice a mixture of anger and desperation. "We can do this."

"Ren…" Tawny groaned. "Don't do this."

"Don't do what?" Ren growled, her voice rising. "Don't try? Why do you want to give up so easily?"

"It's not that. I don't… you… we... this…I need…s-something tangible," Tawny searched for her words but to no avail.

"If my… my voice isn't enough for you, and… my words aren't… you need… action…in order to…understand how much I…I…"

She rushed toward her then, grabbing Tawny's face in her hands and kissing her hard. Tawny leaned into Ren, her knees weakening as Ren ran her fingers through Tawny's dark hair. She broke the kiss and pressed her forehead against Tawny's. Her voice was low as she pleaded with the younger girl. "Tawny, honey, please don't do this."

"Ren, we have to… why are you making this so difficult?"

"Because we don't have to," Ren countered. "We don't. I could love you just as much from the other side of the world as I do right now, here."

"Ren," Tawny protested.

"We can do this, you can do this," Ren continued. "Just try, at least."

"I don't want to end this on the phone later; I want it to be in person."

"It doesn't have to end at all," Ren maintained.

"Yes, yes it does," Tawny said, finally managing to raise her voice. She tried to move back away from Ren.

"No," Ren mumbled, dropping her arm down to the small of Tawny's back and pulling the younger girl closer. "I love you, Tawny. I love you more than I know how and I can't do _this._"

Tawny sighed, kissing Ren's forehead. "And I can't do what you want me to do, baby."

"Yes you can," Ren growled then, pushing Tawny back from her. "You just won't."

"Ren," Tawny tried to explain but was cut off.

"No, don't, why did you ever take me back? If you knew this was what was going to happen anyway? What was the point of this? It was just a waste of time. You…"

"Ren, don't say that," Tawny protested. "It wasn't a waste. It was--"

"Yes, it was a waste," Ren insisted, her dark eyes fixed on Tawny. "_You_ were a waste of my time."

Tawny stepped further back from Ren, unable to speak, and feeling as though her heart had literally split in two.

"This could've worked. I could do it, but you…" Ren's angry voice trailed off. "We're just different people."

She turned and walked past Tawny, disappearing around the side of the house.

Tawny dropped down to the ground and hugged her knees against her chest, staring out at the dark ocean as tears streamed down her face.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: **Shorter than the last, but of decent length. **TriXter**… I did not know Tawny was going to do this… it seems a tad odd to me. But hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, no? And she could get a hell of lot more desperate… she could be like Frantic!Ren! Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to review! It is very appreciated! You are loved!

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

Tawny sat motionless staring out at the sea until the sun rose. After awhile, Twitty and Amy came out and joined her.

They stopped a few feet behind her.

"Should we do something?" Twitty whispered, nudging Amy.

She shrugged, glancing at her watch. 7 AM.

There was a stream of images running through Tawny's mind, a stream of moments, thoughts, questions, answers, reasons. Reasons. All the reasons why this had to happen… it _did_ have to happen, after all, didn't it? The tears began to sting her eyes once more…

"Tawny?" Amy tried, taking a step closer to the broken girl. "Tawny, come on, let's go inside. You're frozen."

"It's August," Tawny mumbled. "I'll be warm in an hour." And in an hour, Ren would be leaving for the airport… checking her baggage, getting her seating assignment, probably having some airport coffee and a doughnut with her parents… and then, at 10:30, her plane would take off. And then those near 3,000 miles would finally come into play.

"Do you want to talk?" Amy sat down beside her.

Twitty made his way over and took a seat on Tawny's other side.

"No," Tawny mumbled. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Tawny…" Twitty tried.

"No," she cut him off. "It's over. That's it. It had to be and it is."

"It had to be?" Twitty asked.

"Yeah?" Amy chimed in again.

"Yes," Tawny nodded. "It did."

"Why?" they both pressed.

"Because… I can't… I just can't do this. Long-distance… it wouldn't have worked."

"So, you didn't even care enough to try?"

"Twitty!" Amy snapped.

"It has nothing to do with that!" Tawny barked at him. "How could you think that I didn't--"

"Well, that's how Ren seemed to take it," he said, getting to his feet. "And I would think she'd no better if it wasn't the case."

"She was just upset, Ren was upset," Amy insisted.

"She said I was a waste of her time," Tawny muttered, her voice barely audible.

"You know she didn't mean that, Tawny," Amy said, rubbing her hand on Tawny's back.

Tawny sighed and focused her attention back on the sea.

"This is ridiculous," Twitty shook his head. "This didn't have to happen, Tawny. You chose for it to happen."

"She's going to the other side of the country, Twitty!"

"For a few months, and then you'll see her again," he shrugged, her voice raised.

"And then she'll leave again," Tawny countered.

"And then she'll come back, leave again, come back for the summer and then you will go to the east coast too. You wanted to go to NYU, remember? Or somewhere else, I don't know… there's plenty of schools over there for you. You just have to make it through this one year. One school year. You told me you were in love with her. You told me you'd never felt this way about anyone. But now, suddenly, you don't love her enough to do that—to make it through 9 months of long-distance?"

Tawny parted her lips as if to speak but no words left her mouth.

"That's what I thought," Twitty replied, turning and retreating into the house.

"Long-distance is hard," Amy said, though she didn't seem to believe herself as she spoke. "We get it, Tawny. We do. He's just… he understands where you're coming from. You probably made the right decision in the long-run. It'll hurt for awhile but then you'll move on, you'll--"

"No," Tawny shook her head. "No, I won't. I don't know how. Am I supposed to go back to sleeping around? I can't do that now… can I? I just…maybe… he's right. I'm being ridiculous."

"Tawny," Amy protested.

"No," Tawny didn't let her get started. She rose to her feet. "I don't want to end this. I don't want to. If I love her, I can do this for her. Right? I mean, if I _really_ love her I can do it. And I do. I really, _really_ love her, Amy."

"I know you do," Amy nodded, looking up at Tawny. "Well, what are you going to do then?"

* * *

Tawny slammed the cab door and raced into the bustling airport. She glanced at her watch: it was 10:00.

Frantically she raced around trying to find the right departure screen, unable to reach Louis or anyone who would know Ren's flight information. Ren herself was adamantly refusing to take any calls at this point, especially from Tawny. And even after she found the gate, security wouldn't let her past the carry-on check without a ticket.

"Can't security go with me? They can escort me to the plane, onto the plane… I really need to talk to someone before they go."

"Do you know how often we get this?" one of the airport employees, an older man with brown eyes, grumbled.

"What?"

"Not _that_ often…" the baggage lady shrugged, interrupting. "But it happens enough in the movies you'd think you idiot lovers would learn not to let people get on planes before you tell them all the important stuff."

"Either way," the man growled. "You need to leave, young lady."

"No, I _have_ to--"

"Miss, please," the lady spoke up again.

Tawny sighed and turned to leave, but suddenly she turned swiftly on her heels and ran as fast as she could through the check.

However, this proved in vain as the security ran her down in no time and she was promptly escorted out of the airport.

Out in front, she noticed the Steve Stevens and Louis walking across the parking lot toward their car. She managed to get Louis' attention but he just shook his head.

Tawny's shoulder's dropped and she inhaled deeply. She pulled out her cell and tried to call Ren again, before realizing that Ren couldn't have answered her phone then if she wanted to: it was 10:30, the plane was taking off.

Defeated, Tawny called another cab and returned home.

"What the matter, sweetheart?" Joanne Dean greeted her daughter in the entry way.

"Nothing," Tawny grumbled, glaring at her mother as she hurried past, rushing up to her room.

Joanne sighed, drawing conclusions of her own.

Upstairs, Tawny sat down on her bed and pulled her cell phone from her bag. She scrolled to Ren's number and pushed the green button.

No answer.

She tried once more, no answer. She didn't want to leave a voicemail. She wanted to talk to Ren.

"I'll wait until this evening," she mumbled to herself.

But when evening rolled around she found that Ren still would not answer her phone. She sighed. Maybe this was best. Maybe she should leave it like this and just set about moving on.

She hesitated a moment and tried to call again.

Still no answer.

* * *

Ren glanced down at the illuminated screen on her cell phone. She hesitated a moment before holding down the red button and turning the phone off.

She sighed and glanced around her room. All her bags on the floor, no sheets on the mattress.

"We'll buy some sheets and a matress pad tomorrow, honey," Eileen said as she entered the room. "Let's go to the hotel now. I am exhausted."

"Ok, mom," she nodded, grabbing one of her bags and her new keys.

"You're going to have sucha great time here, Ren," Eileen said, her face beaming. "You'll meet new people, make new friends, and have so much fun!" She gave her daughter a quick squeeze. "You'll be so busy these next few months you won't have time to think, but you'll love it!"

Ren nodded and forced a smile.

She locked the door behind them and they headed to their hotel, leaving the cold dorm room, and the cell phone, behind.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Happy Thanksgiving!**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

"You should come have Thanksgiving with us," Louis said nervously, eyeing Tawny across the lunch table.

She looked up at him. Her face was emotionless and her eyes seemed distant. She'd been that way ever since Ren left months before.

Twitty nudged Louis on,

"Your parents are out of town again, right?" Louis continued. "That's what you said yesterday."

"I don't know, Louis," she mumbled. "Will Re…" Her voice trailed off and she looked away.

"No, she's not coming until winter break," Louis explained.

A few moments passed and Tawny agreed to join the Stevens for the holidays.

She'd tried to get a hold of Ren for weeks after the older girl had left for Yale. And Ren had never answered her phone, never answered emails or IMs… rather she'd blocked Tawny from all means of communication. Louis gave Tawny the number to Ren's dorm, but she promptly hung up whenever Tawny called. Tawny tried to get Louis and even Eileen at one point to speak for her, Ren hung up on them too. By the time school started for Tawny in early September, she'd eased off.

She didn't take it well and Louis and Twitty suffered as a result. Neither of them had their advisor any more. But Tawny was back to hanging around with them all the time, since Amy and Ruby had also left for college. Both of them were enrolled at UCLA. Tawny hung out with Twitty or Louis, or she hung out alone in the library. She read and kept to herself. She'd never particularly confided in Louis or Twitty in the past, but the boys were bothered by this now because it was so painfully obvious that she needed to talk to someone. Her parents tried most likely, but also to no avail. Tawny would not be consoled.

The three friends had gone to a few parties together, Twitty assuming that maybe if Tawny got back in the dating circuit it would help her get over Ren. However, Tawny found it aggravating and tiresome to try and fake happiness long enough to entertain the interest of another girl. The one time she'd managed to rope someone in was at a Halloween party Twitty threw. But she'd ended up breaking down in front of the girl instead. Louis spent the rest of the night with her, and the rest of the next day trying to get Ren to talk to Tawny.

But all Ren said was: "She broke up with me, Louis. Quit acting like I just 'left her'. She ended this. I don't care what she's doing, I don't care what she wants to tell me, I just… don't care. So don't call me if she's all you're going to talk about."

After Tawny left the lunch table, Twitty turned to Louis. "I thought you said Ren _was_ coming home?"

"She is," Louis said, shoveling some mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"Dude, don't do that to her," Twitty shook his head. "That can only end badly."

Louis shrugged. "Maybe if they see each other… I don't know, Twitty. Maybe this way Tawny will finally get to talk to her."

* * *

Tawny arrived at the Stevens the same time as Eileen's mother Maureen did.

"Hello, dear," Maureen jovially greeted her as she approached the front porch.

"Oh, hey, Mrs.--"

"Maureen, how many times do I have to tell you, dear?" she laughed. "So, I heard about you and Ren."

Tawny nodded, her eyes falling to the floor.

"My understanding is that you didn't think you could handle long-distance, but now you're regretting your decision and--"

"And it's too late," Tawny muttered.

"It's never too late, Tawny," Maureen said, opening the door and ushering the young girl in. "You can talk to her today. Corner her."

"What?" Tawny asked, freezing in her tracks.

"You two… you aren't over, girl. I know it. So, take this chance to get her attention."

"What do you—Louis said Ren wasn't coming home for Thanksgiving… that's the only reason I came."

"Oh, ha," she looked at Louis as they met him in the entry way. "Good boy."

"Louis," Tawny glared at him.

"You've been trying to get a hold of her forever," he started.

"She doesn't want anything to do with me!"

"That's not true," Maureen interrupted.

"Yes it is, otherwise she would've talked to me."

"Don't think you didn't hurt her, Tawny," Maureen said. "I've explained this to you before. Stevens are stubborn—they get it from Steve. It's something you learn to love about them, but it's quite aggravating at times. Don't give up on her. I know you don't want to, so don't."

Tawny just stood there, completely lost as to how she didn't see this coming. Louis had gone too far with his meddling this time… this was the sort of thing she'd expect from Ruby if she were here, but Louis? He usually didn't take it this far, at least not with her.

Most of the Stevens clan had arrived, the only missing members were Steve and Ren, as he was picking her up from the airport.

Tawny was racked with nerves the all the while leading up to their arrival. Louis and Maureen kept close tabs on her, and twice intervened when she tried to slip out of the house and escape unnoticed.

Tawny was about to make her third attempt.

Louis was preoccupied with his favorite uncle, Chuck. And Maureen was getting the scoop on another newly graduated grandchild.

Tawny, certain that she was out of their sight, pulled open the front door, only to find Steve and Ren on the front porch.

"Oh," Steve glanced back and forth between them. "Hello, Tawny. I didn't know you were joining us."

"I'm—I'm not," she stammered. "I'm just dropping something off, I was going to leave now."

"Oh no you aren't," Maureen appeared behind her. "You're staying with us."

She pushed Tawny back inside, and let Steve slip past her. She stepped out onto the front porch. "Ren, dear, how have you been?"

Ren took a moment regrouping, she hadn't been expecting to see Tawny. "I'm…fine."

"Uh huh, no one is fine after breaking things off with the love of their life," Maureen said, shaking her head.

"Grandma," Ren protested.

"No, dear, listen," Maureen interrupted. "You should talk with her. And be civil, at least."

"I'll be civl," Ren stated. "But Tawny and I are done. It's over. And I'd rather not talk with her. I've moved on. I'm fine."

"Have you met someone else?"

"No," Ren replied. "But I've dated a few other girls and I'm…" she hesitated. "I'm over her. Over Tawny."

Maureen raised her eyebrow, clearly not believing her granddaughter.

They entered the house together. Ren headed upstairs to drop off her things before joining the crowds downstairs.

Tawny hung around Louis, avoiding Ren at all costs. Gradually she gathered her confidence, eventually resolving to confront Ren, who went to great lengths to avoid her as well throughout dinner and dessert.

As people began to leave, she caught Ren on the stairs. "Ren?"

Ren stopped, hesitating a moment before turning around. "Yeah?"

"H-how have you been?"

"Great," Ren replied flatly. "You?"

"I-uh, I…" Tawny couldn't find her words. She never could when it mattered most…

"Tawny, I'm exhausted. I really can't talk right now," Ren said, interrupting her. She turned and headed up stairs.

"Ren!" Steve called up to his daughter when she reached the top of the stairs.

Reluctantly, Ren turned around and came back down.

Tawny stepped to the side and let her pass.

Ren joined a group of relatives who she hadn't mingled with yet.

Maureen snuck up behind Tawny, startling her. "Make her listen, Tawny."

"I don't want to force her, I just want… I want her to want to talk to me…" Tawny turned and headed up the stairs, entering Louis' room.

She sat in their for about an hour, working out a hand-written letter for Ren. When she decided it was satisfactory she returned to the hallway. Glancing down the stairs, she saw that Ren had been captured by more relatives.

She slipped into Ren's bedroom and sat her letter on Ren's pillow, somewhere she'd have to see it.

She noticed a piece of paper on Ren's desk—a schedule of her courses that term. One was a special study in the works of Edgar Allen Poe.

She took a deep breath, smiling for the first tie in months, and turned, leaving the room and heading back downstairs.

"Bye, Ren."

Ren looked over at her, seemingly surprised that she'd spoken to her. "Bye, Tawny."


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N:** **SPECIAL THANKS **to **TriXter21 **for her help. I hope everyone had a pleasant holiday! There's only a chap or two more after this one, methinks, unless my characters act up—they have a tendency to do so, especially Ren in this fic…but, if things go as currently planned, the end is near.

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

"This isn't happening next year, I hope you know that," Ren said, glaring at her younger brother as he followed her up the stairwell. "You won't be visiting me for another five years at least."

Louis had spent 4 days in New Haven with Ren, at the request of their parents. Both of them would be flying home the next morning, as it was the start of Ren's winter break. Initially, Steve had thought she could show Louis a few more colleges before they returned but Eileen didn't want him to miss too much school.

"What? You've sentenced me?" Louis asked, sounding genuinely offended. "I've been well-behaved."

"Well-behaved?" Ren stammered, turning to face him. "You poured tomato juice on the carpet leading to the girl's bathroom!"

He started laughing.

"That's not funny, it's gross. And I only let you come because dad seemed to think it would get you to start being serious about college—since you're running out of time, Louis," she said, crossing her arms. "Clearly it didn't work. But next year you'll be busy with school anyway—maybe SCC—or you'll be working at Lawrence Jr. High as the new janitor."

"You're just mad because I've been bugging you about Tawny," Louis replied, his expression turning serious.

"No," Ren mumbled before she turned around and continued trudging up the stairs and opening the door to her floor.

She entered her room, the door was open and her two roommates—Miranda and Becca—were sitting on their beds, chatting.

Louis followed. "She's been--"

"Louis! I don't want to talk about this!" she whirled around to face him again. "How the hell have you not gotten that in the last 3 months?'

"Talk about what?" Becca asked, flipping her long, blonde curls over her shoulder and eyeing Louis. She'd tried to make a pass at the boy twice already and he seemed wholly oblivious.

"The girlfriend, I bet," Miranda answered. "He's mentioned a girl a few times that's gotten Ren all upset. Clearly she didn't tell us the truth when we had The Talk."

"The talk? Like being ready for sex?" Louis asked.

"Oh, yeah, Louis," Ren scoffed. "I had to have _that_ talk with my roommates."

"Well, I don't know which way they swing," he shrugged with a smile.

"We're both straight," Becca answered.

"Ok then," he nodded.

"Tell us about the girl, Ren," Miranda pressed. "Was she _significant_?"

"No, this isn't--"

"Yes, she was," Louis chimed in.

"Hey, Ren, could you help me with something?" Lucy, the RA, appeared at their door.

"Sure," she nodded, starting to leave the room. She turned to Louis. "Keep your mouth shut."

"Ren does more RA stuff than the RA," Miranda said, responding to Louis' questioning look.

"So, give us the dirt," Becca patted the bed next to her.

"How much time do we have?"

"Enough," Miranda stated.

Louis took a seat and began to relate what he called 'The Saga of Ren and Tawny'.

Half an hour later, Ren irately made her way down the hall, hearing Louis' voice from a good fifteen feet from the doorway.

"And then she said that she was a waste of her time!"

There were gasps.

Ren stopped in her tracks and swallowed hard, recalling that painful moment on the beach—did she really have to say _that_? She took a deep breath and moved to the doorway.

Two girls from across the hall had joined in on Louis' storytelling. They were passing around a bag of caramel popcorn as he finished up. "Tawny said she gave Ren a letter on Thanksgiving, but she hasn't heard back from her. I was supposed to see if I could get any info whatsoever, and I've been pretty unsuccessful at that."

"Has Tawny moved on then, finally? I mean, Thanksgiving was only 2 weeks ago, so I guess she might still be holding out," Becca contemplated.

"Really, Tawny took her back for cheating and Ren won't even hear her out now?" one of the other girls asked.

Ren lowered her eyes. She still had the letter from Tawny. After entering her room that Thursday two weeks before, after the last of her relatives had finally left, exhausted and not quite over the appearance of Tawny at the dinner, she came upon the neatly folded papers sitting on her pillow. Her name was written on it in Tawny's distinct penmanship. She picked it up, almost opting to throw it way without opening it, just as she'd deleted numerous emails from the younger girl without reading them. Instead she set it on her desk. And come Sunday, it caught her eye again as she scanned her bedroom for anything she may have forgot to pack. She hesitated a moment, but grabbed it and slipped it into her bag. She wasn't quite sure what compelled her to do it, but something told her she shouldn't leave without it. She'd almost opened it several times on the plane, but never actually did. When she got back to New Haven she tucked it away in with her other mementos of Tawny. "Louis, why can't you ever mind your own business?"

"This is my business, you're my sister, Tawny's one of my best friends, and you are ruining everything!"

"Really, Ren," Becca nodded.

"Do you have a picture of Tawny?" Miranda asked. "Louis had one on his camera phone but we couldn't see it very well. She sounds like quite a catch."

"No," Ren stated.

"I bet you do," she pushed.

Ren sighed with frustration and crossed her arms.

"We know the whole story now," Miranda continued. "No point in keeping these things secret anymore."

Ren sighed again, hesitating just a moment before heading across the room and pulling out the copy of _Tales of Mystery and Imagination_ that Tawny had given her nearly a year before. She opened it, pulling out the unopened letter, an old ticket stub to _A Midsnummer Night's Dream_, the card Tawny had written her for New Year's, and 3 photos. The black and white one of Tawny kissing her temple, one that Ren had taken of Tawny eating mint chocolate chip ice cream in her room one afternoon—Tawny was looking up, smiling, although clearly annoyed with camera-happy Ren—and the third was the Polaroid she'd snapped of Tawny the morning after the girl's 17th birthday. She smirked to herself and thought: I should probably get rid of this one…

"Come on!" Miranda interrupted her thoughts, holding out her hand.

Ren slowly handed her two of the photos.

"What about that one?" Becca asked, tilting her head to the side.

"This one is just for me," Ren answered quietly, tucking it back into the book—though she figured she'd probably have to hide it elsewhere since they all knew it's location now.

"Ooh," the blonde raised an eyebrow.

Louis' jaw dropped. "A dirty picture of Tawny? Let me see!"

Ren glared at him and shook her head.

"She _is_ hot," Miranda said. "And this is such a cute picture of you two." She held up the black and white one for the other girls to see.

"Oh, she does have amazing eyes," Becca said, nodding at Louis.

"Told you," he nodded back.

Ren nodded to herself. "She does."

"Look at them here," Miranda handed Becca the second picture, with Tawny and the ice cream. "It's in color."

"Ooh," Becca said as she took the photo.

"Is that the letter?" Louis asked, focusing his gaze on the folded paper in Ren's hand.

"Uh…" Ren stared down at he folded paper in her hands. "No?"

He jumped up. "Give it."

"No way!" Ren snapped.

"Then read it, right now. You haven't read it yet, have you?"

Ren paused. "No."

"Then read it."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

She didn't answer, only stared at her feet.

Miranda reached out and snatched it from Ren's hands, quickly handing it off to the other girls until it reached Louis.

"Hey!" Ren tried to grab her letter back, but was only pulled down into a sitting position next to Miranda.

Louis unfolded the letter. It was two pages long, stapled together in the upper left-hand corner.

"Louis!" Ren pleaded. "That is private."

He stood up and began reading out loud.

_Ren, _

_I've been trying to talk to you, trying to come up with a way to explain myself and this is what I've come up with. It's a list. You like lists. You love lists. I love that you love lists. So, I made list of a hundred more reasons why I love you._

Louis paused and looked up, quickly scanning the two pages. "She actually wrote down a hundred things…" He looked over at Ren, who was staring intently at the floor, unmoving, and continued reading.

_1) Because you **know** me._

_2) Because I can talk to you about anything. (I don't always, but I know I can.)_

_3) Because you make me feel safe._

_4) Because you know how to calm me down when I'm upset. _

_5) Because you don't even realize you're doing anything when you do that._

_6) Because you cared about Louis._

"Ah, thanks, sis," he said, jokingly.

_7) Because you kissed me on Thanksgiving in front of your family._

_8) Because when you need to get a point across you like to do it quickly and efficiently._

How does she remember that? Ren thought, without looking up.

_9) Because your family is one of the most important things to you—even Louis._

_10) Because you work so hard at everything you do._

_11) Because you can give perfect speeches in front of hundreds of people, but when you really want to say something to me, you stutter._

"Really, _you_? Stutter?" Miranda looked over at Ren, who hadn't so much as shifted her position. She looked at Louis, who seemed equally puzzled.

_12) Because you're so stubborn._

_13) Because I am so proud of you._

_14) Because you're smart._

_15) Because you get excited about things like literature and…math… which is really weird, but so cute._

_16) Because I can have an intelligent conversation with you._

_17) Because we can talk for hours._

Ren inhaled deeply, feeling a confused combination of sadness and pain, laced with anger at her intrusive brother.

_18) Because I never get bored when I'm with you._

_19) Because you hated the fact that you got an A- in Home Ec._

_20) Because you make the best spaghetti._

"I can back that," Louis said, with a laugh.

_21) Because you chew on your pens when you're concentrating._

_22) Because you got me the same book that I got you for New Year's._

_23) Because you gave me a $50,000 book and didn't even know it was worth that much._

"What the hell? Are you serious? How?" Louis stammered as all eyes turned to Ren.

"Long story," she mumbled, knowing that wasn't true.

_24) Because you try to read Poe for me even though you don't like it._

_25) Because I love the way you look at me, even when you're mad._

_26) Because you're an amazing kisser._

"Ooh," Miranda and Becca responded in unison.

_27) Because when you kiss me everything stops._

_28) Because that's never happened to me before._

_29) Because you're the best I've ever had._

"You had this chick rather smitten, if I may say so myself," Miranda grinned, patting Ren's shoulder. Ren sighed.

_30) Because I love your smile._

_31) Because my skirt turns you on._

_32) Because you tried on your tightest shirts to see if you would have the effect that I like._

_33) Because I like you in tight shirts anyway._

_34) Because I like you with no shirt on._

_35) Because you look hot in glasses._

_36) Because you do have a sense of humor._

_37) Because you make corny jokes._

"So true," Becca laughed.

_38) Because you laugh at corny jokes._

"Also, so true," Louis grinned.

_39) Because you make me laugh._

"I haven't been able to do that in years," Louis muttered. "Tawny's a tough crowd."

_40) Because you're such a dork._

_41) Because you get offended when I call you a dork._

_42) Because you love Valentine' Day._

_43) Because you're a sappy romantic._

_44) Because you're a jock and I didn't even know it._

_45) Because I will go to basketball games for you._

_46) Because you're a democrat._

_47) Because you deserve Yale._

_48) Because I wouldn't change anything about you._

_49) Because you are the most beautiful person I know._

_50) Because you tend to light up the room._

_51) Because you never notice that you do and it's cute._

_52) Because you wanted to be good for me._

_53) Because you were._

"Ooh, Ren, really now?" Becca leaned over. "When will we get the details on that?"

Ren half-smiled and looked at Louis, wanting to hear what came next in spite of herself.

_54) Because I love that you love my eyes._

_55) Because I love your eyes._

_56) Because I love your hands.  
57) Because you know how to use your hands._

"Woohoo, Ren" Louis cheered.

_58) Because you fidget with your hands when you're nervous._

_59) Because you are clumsy at the most awkward time to be clumsy and that's just…so you._

_60) Because you waited outside my window in the pouring rain._

_61) Because you called me 136 times._

_62) Because you left me 135 messages._

Tears threatened to fall from Ren's glazed eyes. She refused to allow it.

_63) Because you are passionate about the things you love and you will fight for them._

_64) Because you chased me down the street_

_65) Because you fell down three times but kept coming._

_66) Because you check out my ass every time I turn around._

"It's a more-than-worthy ass of that, let me tell you," Louis nodded.

_67) Because you were rough our first night together._

_68) Because you were gentle our second night together._

Ren took a deep breath as memories from both those occasions came flooding back to her. The feel of Tawny's smooth skin, her soft hair, her sweet lips…

_69) Heh._

_70) Because you won't get 69._

Louis and the girls all burst out laughing, and Ren looked at them, confused. She really didn't get it.

_71) Because I can't go back to one-night-stands after being with you._

_72) Because you love me enough to do really stupid things just because you care._

_73) Because you make me want to do stupid things for you._

_74) Because out of all the girls you could have you chose me._

_75) Because I know you were watching me instead of the meteor shower._

Ren half-smiled again. Tawny was paying more attention to her then too.

_76) Because you wanted the photo of me kissing your temple._

_77) Because I love the way you play with my hair._

_78) Because I love it when you kiss me on the forehead._

_79) Because I love the way you come up from behind me and wrap your arms around my stomach and kiss me on the cheek._

"Aww," Miranda and Becca cooed.

_80) Because you're strong and you don't give up._

_81) Because you tried to listen to Radiohead for me._

_82) Because I love the way you told off Mandy Sanchez and Larry Beale._

_83) Because you can't ride a bike, but you tried. _

_84) Because you can't ski either but you tried._

_85) Because I'm just not me without you._

_86) Because I ran through airport security just to tell you what is on this list._

Ren looked up, confused. Louis just nodded at her.

_87) Because being with you is an emotional rollercoaster. And I love rollercoasters._

_88) Because you have an amazing voice and I love listening to you sing._

_89) Because I would love to listen to your voice over the phone every night._

Ren felt the tears start to sting at her eyes again. She blinked them back.

_90) Because every moment I spend with you feels like the greatest of my life._

_91) Because I love you more than I know how, too._

_92) Because "I'm Yours"._

_93) Because you challenge me._

_94) Because I thought we couldn't do long-distance, but you know that we can make it work._

_95) Because not being with you at all is so much harder._

_96) Because you are perfect to me._

_97) Because I'm not perfect but you make me feel like I am. _

_98) Because you love me._

_99) Because I will always wait for you._

_100) Because you're worth all of my time._

_Love always, Tawny_

Everyone in the room was silent. Louis handed the letter back to Ren, who grabbed it without looking at him, keeping her attention focused on the darkness outside.

Miranda put her hand on Ren's shoulder, wiping her own tears away from her eyes.

Becca and the other girls all got up and left without word, moving into the next room and shutting the door.

Louis stepped out into the hall. He could hear the whimpers from the three girls through the door. He blinked his own tears back and took a deep breath. That was a side of Tawny he'd never encountered.

Ren sat motionless and rigid, the tears slowly streaming down her cheeks as she continued staring out the window.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

"Ok, I've given you more than enough time to take everything in," Louis said, pulling off his headphones all of a sudden and turning toward his sister. They were mid-flight on their way back to Sacramento for the holidays. "Are you going to talk to her? What are you going to do?"

"Louis," Ren groaned in protest.

"You're going to talk to her, right? I mean… that letter… that must've taken a lot--"

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Louis," Ren confessed. "Now keep your voice down."

"How can you not know?" he stammered. "She loves you, you love her. It's simple."

"I thought it was as simple as that in August," she locked eyes with her little brother. "Tawny is the one who ended it. Not me. She rejected me."

"And she regretted it immediately!"

Ren inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

She hadn't slept at all the pervious night after Louis had read the letter. Rather, she'd spent hours tossing and turning in the darkness, Tawny's list running through her mind. She wanted to see the blue-eyed girl now, she wanted to grab hold of her and never let her go again. But, how could she just go back?

Louis and everyone acted like Tawny was the only one who suffered through their breakup, but Ren had too. Tawny had dumped her! She wanted to at least try the long-distance, Tawny didn't. Their end was Tawny's doing.

And Ren had tried to bury herself in new activities, places, people in New Haven. She'd dated other girls, even fooled around a little with one. But she ended up in her bed night after night thinking about Tawny. By now she'd at least gotten past crying herself to sleep. Lucky for her Miranda was an extremely heavy sleeper and had never noticed. Becca was the light sleeper, but her room was adjacent to the other girls'.

It hurt Ren mostly because, while she understood Tawny's fears, she'd really thought that if she asked Tawny to at least try, she would. And she felt certain that if they tried, things would work. But Tawny just…rejected her. And then Ren had called her a waste of time… God, how she wished she hadn't said that.

Miranda had asked the night before how Ren couldn't take Tawny back after Tawny took her back months before, but it wasn't the same. Ren had screwed up completely—but she hadn't deliberately chosen to end the relationship. It's not like Ren stood there and chose between Tawny and the other girl. That's what his felt like to Ren. Tawny had stood there, looked at Ren, and looked at the other girl—which, in this case, was breaking up—and she chose to break up. She didn't stupidly fall into bed with someone. She didn't make a drunken mistake. She reasoned her way through her options. She'd been thinking about it for awhile and she deliberately did not choose Ren. She'd emotionally cheated on Ren and nothing about it was an accident.

And what was worse than all of this, what was the greatest fear weighing on Ren: if she gave Tawny another chance, what if something like this happened again? What if Tawny decided to go to school somewhere other than New York? Or other than the east coat? What if she stayed out west? That would mean the long-distance would have to be maintained even longer and what if Tawny decided that was too much? It would be hard for the next six months, no doubt. It would be even harder for a couple years. And Ren had no desire to go through this again.

Her roommates had been kind enough not to mention anything of the letter to her after it had been read. They acted like nothing had happened up until the very end, where Miranda's parting words to her at the airport a couple hours before had been: "Go get your girl, Ren."

And even Louis had kept his mouth shut until now.

"Seriously, Ren," Louis shoved her in the shoulder, snapping her out of her contemplations.

"Leave me alone, Louis," she growled back at him.

"Just give me something and I will," he contended. "Are you at least going to talk to her?"

She sighed. "Yeah, yeah I need to talk to her."

"Is that good or bad?" he pressed.

"You said I needed to give you something, I gave. Now leave me alone like you said you would."

He frowned.

She closed her eyes again, and shifted in her seat, leaning away from Louis.

* * *

"So, Louis is coming back from New Haven today," Twitty said, glancing over at Tawny as they walked down the street toward their homes. "In fact, I think his flight got in an hour ago." 

She nodded. "Do we have any plans tonight or something?" she tried to sound interested, to feign a little excitement. She knew how much of a downer she'd been for them the past couple months and she hated it.

Twitty shook his head. "Ren's coming home with him, you know."

"Yeah," Tawny sighed. "I know."

"She'll be in town for almost a month," he continued. "That's a lot of time for--"

"Look, Twitty," she cut him off. "I appreciate you trying to help me, I do. But I really just need you to leave me alone, ok? I can't do this. I can't…talk about her. Not yet."

"I'm just saying maybe you two--"

"I wrote her a letter," she interrupted him a second time. "I made her a list of…I just…I've done all I can to let her know where I am. If it's not enough, then… it's not enough."

"But," he protested, only to be cut off again.

"No, Twitty, just…no," Tawny shook her head. "The ball is in her court now. I've done my best."

"Maybe you haven't."

"Ok, you really aren't good at this."

"Look, it's just--"

"Just stop, ok? Seriously. I don't want to talk about it."

He frowned at her, but kept his mouth shut. They'd arrived at his house anyway. He nodded a goodbye and headed up the driveway.

Tawny continued on, her house was two blocks further. She couldn't help but wonder if Twitty was right—maybe she hadn't tried everything. She sighed. But she had. That letter… if that didn't… if Ren still had no desire to give her a second chance after reading that, then the situation really was hopeless. What was she supposed to do? Pressure Ren into giving her a shot? That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted Ren to want to be with her, to want to give her a chance. She'd thought the letter would trigger that. But as far as she knew, it had had no such effect. Or Ren hadn't even read it…

The day after Ren had left after Thanksgiving, Tawny had ordered Louis to go through her trash and see if the letter was there, or in any other receptacle in the house. It wasn't. So, she'd concluded that Ren must've taken it with her, probably not sure whether or not she should read it. She would have to go over the pros and cons of opening it first. Tawny smirked at the thought, and then frowned.

She twisted her key in the lock to the front door, only to realize it was unlocked. Her mother was in town for the whole week. She pushed open the door and entered.

She nodded a greeting to her mother, who was sitting in the kitchen, as she headed upstairs. Joanne gave her an odd look, almost cautionary, but there was a slight grin playing on her lips as well. Tawny shrugged it off. Her mother was always weird.

She came upon her bedroom, the first door to the left at the top of the stairs. She stopped in her tracks in the doorway, her eyes widened.

Ren was standing near the window, her back to Tawny, peering outside.

Tawny quickly moved out of the doorway, back into the hall, she leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. What was Ren doing in there?

"I'm not ready for this," she mumbled to herself, though she wasn't certain of what exactly it was that she wasn't ready for. There were a million reasons Ren could be in there, she told herself. Ok, so there's probably only a few… she sighed. And a few of them are good reasons. She turned her head and leaned over a little, peeking into her room. But, she told herself, I shouldn't get my hopes up. She pulled her head back. She needed a few more moments to gather herself.

Ren had noticed her trying to peek in the second time. Mildly amused in spite of herself, she quietly moved over to the doorway and stuck her head out. "Hey."

"H-hey," Tawny jumped a little at Ren's sudden appearance beside her, those big, soft brown eyes staring down at her.

Ren disappeared back inside the room and Tawny followed her, seeing very few other options at that point.

Ren closed the door behind Tawny after she entered.

Tawny swallowed hard and turned to face her. This time she noticed the exhaustion on Ren's face, the dark circles under her eyes, the hazy, distant look in them. Something about the look told her whatever Ren had come over for, it wasn't going to be pleasant.

But she had come, and that was something.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! And another story is already in the works... r/t of course... hope you've enjoyed this fic!

**Chapter Forty**

Tawny swallowed hard and stared at the wall before her. It was decorated with several black and white photos, a number of them of her and Ren. She closed her eyes and concentrated on keeping herself from breaking down right then and there.

Ren eyed the back of the girl standing several feet in front of her. She had a million things to say to Tawny now, and not one of them was coming to mind. Where could she start?

Tawny turned around then. She parted her lips as if to speak, but no words came out. She sighed, keeping her eyes fixed on the ground, not looking at Ren's face.

"I got your letter," Ren finally managed to speak, she gestured to the letter, which was sticking out of her book on Tawny's nightstand. She'd set it there while she was waiting for the younger girl to come home from school.

Tawny lifted her head a little, again trying to force the words from her throat. What words? I've said everything I can say to her, she thought.

"Tawny," Ren started. "I…" she sighed. "You didn't choose me. You chose to give up on me. I gave you an out, and you took it."

Tawny didn't move. "I didn't… I just thought…"

"Because I thought…I thought that if I asked, you'd give me a chance. Because you loved me."

"_Love_ you," Tawny corrected her. "I love you. I still do."

Ren nodded, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm sorry, Ren," Tawny said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."

Ren turned away from her then, pressing her forehead against the door. She swallowed, blinking fiercely. Inhaling deeply, she tried to regroup. But the more she tried, the harder it was. With Tawny standing there so sad and lonely and more beautiful than ever… it was damn near impossible for Ren to get her thoughts in order.

She felt Tawny's hand gently rest on her shoulder.

"I don't want to do this," she stammered, letting a few tears escape.

"Don't want to do what?" Tawny asked, moving to Ren's side and leaning in close so that she was mere inches from the side of Ren's face.

"_This_," Ren repeated, a hint of anger in her voice now. "I was…we were…none of this is…"

"I know I messed things up, Ren," Tawny tried. "But I can make it up to you. You just have to let me. Let me try."

"I wanted you to try, and _you_ didn't," Ren muttered. "You didn't even want to give me a chance."

"Ren," Tawny protested nervously.

"No," Ren shook her head. "No, no… this isn't fair, Tawny. It's not fair. I've… moved on."

Tawny bit her lip, tears slipping down her cheeks in spite of her greatest efforts. She'd moved on?

Titling her head to the side, Ren peered over at the blue-eyed girl. Tawny was crying now, her eyes once again fixed on the floor. She'd figured where Ren was going with all of this.

"I've tried to, anyway," she clarified, not feeling right about leaving it so open-ended.

Ren sighed, her head shifting back into place. She stared at her feet and listened to Tawny stepping away from her. Not far, just a step or two away. She heard her inhale slowly, her breath shaking. "Please, Ren."

Ren gulped. Envisioning Tawny behind her, she saw every perfect line in her figure, her dark hair and her smooth skin, her smile, her frown, and her eyes…those two icy, piercing blue eyes. They followed her everywhere. She could feel them burning into her back now.

She took a deep breath and turned around. "Tawny--"

"I gave you a chance, Ren," Tawny interrupted her. "You cheated on me and I gave you a second chance. I hate… I don't want to bring that up… I don't want use that… but it's true. I took awhile, but I gave you a chance. I love you, Ren. I just… I love you."

Ren inhaled again, looking over the younger girl standing there so...broken.

Tawny waited for a response. She could hear her heart thudding in her chest, pounding in her temple. Ren was standing there, looking so confused. Her soft brown eyes were bloodshot and in no way were they hiding the agony she was in. Tawny wanted so badly to just… make everything the way it was. All that she needed was for Ren to make the choice, the _right_ choice. Not the choice Tawny had made months before.

Just open the door and leave, Ren thought to herself. Why? Why leave? Why not give her another chance? She's right. She gave you a chance. She put up with…everything for you. But I can't go through all of this again. But can I…do _this_… just leave her? After everything? How do I do _that_?

"Tawny," she tried again. But she couldn't find the words. She sighed, frustrated with herself, with her confusion. Words weren't what she needed right now. What she needed right now was… Tawny. She looked over at the girl, still standing there. What she'd needed for months was Tawny. That was it. Tawny was it. She was everything. Ren cocked her head to the side as a strange feeling of relief passed through her. There really wasn't anything to think about here. She knew what she wanted. And she knew what both of them needed.

Ren reached out and grabbed Tawny by the arm, pulling her in close and wrapping her arms around her. She ran her fingers up through Tawny's soft hair, resting her hand on the back of her head.

Tawny tightly squeezed Ren against her body as relief surged through her. "I've missed you so much."

"You have no idea," Ren breathed, leaning back and looking down at her. She half-smiled and planted a soft kiss on Tawny's forehead. She moved her hands to the sides of Tawny's face, wiping away the few remaining tears with her thumbs. She pressed her lips against Tawny's, trying to make up for the past three and a half months in one passionate kiss.

When she finally broke the kiss, they were both breathless.

Ren laughed lightly. "A little overkill there."

"No," Tawny shook her head, grinning. "It was perfect."

After a few moments of silence, Tawny spoke up again, her voice a whisper. "So, are we ok? Are we going to make it?"

"Yeah," Ren nodded, taking a deep breath. "Well, I'm in, anyway."

"I'm in too then," she said, pulling Ren's face down to hers and kissing her again, this time pulling her toward the bed as they kissed.

"Hey, hey," Ren pulled her head back as the two of them toppled down onto Tawny's bed.

"What?" Tawny peered up, grinning devilishly.

Ren smiled, and kissed her again. "No."

"No?" Tawny pulled Ren down on top of her by her shirt collar. "How can you say no?"

"Because, your mom is downstairs."

"So?" Tawny asked, starting to kiss Ren's neck. "She's not going to walk in."

"She could hear."

"We're not _that_ loud."

"I'm not. You are," Ren said, flashing a devilish grin of her own.

"I am not," Tawny countered in mock offense.

"Whatever you say, honey," Ren replied, kissing her again. "Later."

Tawny nodded, smiling. "I can wait, no problem. I've done it before."

Ren laughed.

"How long are you in town for?" Tawny asked a few seconds later.

"I go back January 3rd," Ren answered, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Tawny's ear.

"So, we have almost a month?" Tawny clarified, moving as close to Ren as she could. "I want to spend as much of it with you as I can... you'll be sick of me when you go back."

"Yeah, we have a month," Ren nodded, slipping her arms around Tawny and hugging her close. "I'd never get sick of you, Tawny Dean."

"Never? Really?" Tawny asked, in all seriousness. "I can be pretty annoying."

"Yes, that's true," Ren laughed. "But you're my girl."

"I am," Tawny agreed. "We have a month then."

"And then maybe you can come out to New Haven for spring break."

"Yeah, maybe I can," she smiled.

"It'll be over before we know it," Ren whispered.

"Uh huh," Tawny nodded, kissing Ren's temple. "And next year we'll just be…what? An hour and a half…two hours…apart? If I get in to NYU, anyway."

"Something like that, and you will get in" Ren replied, preoccupied with tangling her fingers in Tawny's hair. "Tawny?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."

Tawny smiled back at her.

"Keep that in mind," Ren said, sitting up.

"What? Why?" Tawny sat up with her, confused.

Ren reached over and grabbed her book off the nightstand. She pulled out a photograph. "So, um, I took this picture on your birthday…or, the morning after… you remember, that night?"

"Of course I remember that night," she laughed. "That was when I got you to try the thing… the bendy thing…"

"Yeah, well anyway," Ren cut her off, blushing.

Tawny laughed.

"I really don't know how you're going to react to this, but here, I felt guilty, so I want to at least let you know about it," she shoved the photo at Tawny, and tried to read her reaction.

Tawny's eyes went wide. "My God… seriously? You…"

Ren didn't speak, only waited on her girlfriend's full reaction.

"This is awful, I look awful," Tawny shook her head. "You don't get this back."

Ren nodded, still noticeably nervous.

"I'm not mad, it's…" Tawny smiled, putting a comforting hand on Ren's knee. "Well, I wouldn't have suspected _you _of this."

Ren grinned and shrugged. "Me neither."

Tawny's face straightened then. "You didn't show this to anyone, did you?"

"No," Ren shook her head, then adding: "only Louis."

"WHAT?"

"Kidding," Ren laughed. "My God, he's the last person I'd show it to."

Tawny sighed, laughing. "Not funny."

"I really can't keep it?" Ren asked.

"No, it's… I look so…no," Tawny just shook her head. "I could take you some better photos of me, if you want. Although, it only seems fair that I get some of you too."

"Ooh, sexy pictures? Will you be sexy in them, Tawny?"

Tawny laughed. "I can try."

Ren laughed and pulled her into a hug.

"Oh, I need to call Maureen and tell her the good news," Tawny said, reaching for her bag and digging out her cell phone.

"Maureen?" Ren asked. "You've been talking with my grandmother?"

"Yeah, I have her on speed-dial," Tawny grinned. "She's my second-favorite person ever, remember?"

Ren nodded. "And I'm your number one favorite person ever… although I don't know if _that_ is on your list."

"It's implied by the whole thing, isn't it?" Tawny said. "Clearly I am fond of you… if you didn't get that from the list, well, then that's…really sad."

"Speaking of the list," Ren continued, pulling the papers out of her book and unfolding them. "I have a question."

"I'm not explaining 69."

Ren's shoulders dropped. "Well, fine."

Tawny laughed. "Come here."

Ren smiled. She tossed her book to the end of the bed and took Tawny's face in her hands and kissed her.

Tawny moved her hands over Ren's body, settling both on the small of her back and pulling Ren as close to her as she could.

"Ah, is your door locked?" Ren asked, breaking the kiss.

"What?" Tawny was caught off guard. "I don't think so. You shut it. Did you lock it?'

Ren quickly moved off the bed and went over to the door, twisting the lock. She turned and grinned at Tawny. "Yeah, so, I can't wait until _later_."

Tawny smiled. "Of course you can't. You're all about the sex."

Ren laughed and pinned Tawny down against the bed. "You know me."

"I do," Tawny smiled. She pulled Ren's face down to hers. "And you know what?"

"What?" Ren asked.

"I was really right when I said we had potential, when I said this would be worth it."

"Yeah," Ren nodded, smiling. "You really were."


End file.
